Advice needed

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Hi ima a new mom an totally love the site im lookin also for advice on co parenting my son london is 1 years old an his dad have been in an out his life every time we try to communicate he disappear then pops up with a wheres my son text my bf now takes care of london buys pampers an everything cause his dad gives me a hard time so now his back again wanting to see london an london cries an grabs anything to keep him from holdin him i told his dad mybe he should could visit him an play with him an ease him to go with him well he says no i just want things on my time which is not true i jus want wats best for my son an for his dad to step up more an help but he wont do much of anything he only gives me 20 $ to buy wat i need an i never ask for his help cause that is all he will give but he flashes money in my face an new cars wat is best to do i know its a confusing story but before i file cs im trying to give him yet another chance plzzzzzz help


Dove - posted on 05/30/2016




Get a court order for custody, visitation, and child support... and stick to that. You can't make him be a dad on your terms, but you don't get to keep him away on your terms either. Your son can be OK if YOU make sure of it.

My son was a year and a half the first time he had visitation w/ his father... and he screamed for 45 minutes straight before my ex gave up and brought him home. Took him out again the next day and made it through the 3 hours of allotted time and my son spent the 2 hour break (court order allowed for short times at first to help my son adjust) clinging to me nursing and whining and sleeping...

It was a hard adjustment for all of us and my ex has never been REALLY involved (now might see the kids once every 1-2 years and talk to them maybe once or twice a year), but my 8 year old son LOVES his dad... and what kind of a lousy mother would I have been to take that away from him (even if I could have... which I couldn't cuz it's illegal).

Granted... MY life would be easier w/out him at all, but it's not about me... It's about my kids. My teenage daughters have made up their own minds about him and while they do love him... they know he's not really worth their time, but they were allowed to make that discovery for themselves... and I've been there to help them every step of the way and fill their lives w/ other supportive male role models (like your son has w/ your boyfriend right now).

You have the choice to choose your child's father prior to conception... after conception you deal w/ the consequences and guide your child through whatever they have to deal w/ because of your (and the father's) actions.

Jodi - posted on 05/30/2016




Can I just suggest that punctuation is your friend? That was the close to the hardest sentence I ever had to decipher, and even then, without punctuation, I can't be sure I totally understood it.

But basically, file for child support, file custody and visitation orders, and understand that the child's father has a right to be in his life, and that the child has a right to a relationship with him. Your boyfriend is just that, your boyfriend. He may be another support for your son, but he isn't the father, he's not even the stepfather.


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2016




Get yourself a lawyer and file for custody, visitation and child support. That way he can't just come and go as he pleases, he will have set visitation times.

Paris: Please read the no T.H.U.M.P.S. policy. You have not been attacked, it was just suggested that you use punctuation to help others read what you need help with. You are the one who has done the attacking in here.

Jodi - posted on 05/30/2016




You do understand the difference between punctuation and punctual, right?

And can I also suggest that your attitude won't really be appreciated around here. Honestly, you can take or leave advice, but you don't have to show your complete lack of class.

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