Advice on a brand new blended family

Anastasia - posted on 06/01/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




Me and my boyfriend have decided were taking our relationship to the next level. I have a son (22 months) of my own that lives with me 7 days a week. My boyfriend has 2 kids ages 5 and 3 that live with him 2 days a week. My boyfriend and I have decided for me and my son to move into his house. His kids love my son and myself and respect me. My son spends time with my boyfriend and lughs and has fun with him but his prefferablitly hasnt gotten comfortable enough to want him around on his free will . . we slowly work on it, after all my boyfriend works 5 day a week 12 hr shifts so he doesnt get to spend a lot of time with him and when he does its those 2 days with his kids involved as well. Nothing has gone wrong yet were just so afraid to make a bad decision for the new family thats about to be.. any helpfull hints or advice?


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Christy - posted on 06/01/2011




Congratulations! I'm excited for you. I recommend you set some guidelines in advance for you and the husband and you and the kids. The kids all need to be treated the same when it comes to discipline. I do understand that different ages require different types of discipline, but his kids shouldn't be treated better or worse than yours.

One thing I believe is really important is teaching his kids to not play mom, dad, and stepmom against each other. This does require some cooperation with their mom, but it will prevent a lot of problems with the ex! My kids get in big trouble when they get a no from one parent then go to the other in hopes for a yes. That is not allowed.

As it is, his kids and your little guy are the perfect ages to blend a family. You're not overlapping any ages.

I do recommend a couple books. They're not specifically for blended families, but the concepts apply well. One is "Parenting with Love and Logic." The other is "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" by Dr. Willard Harley.

Ashley - posted on 06/01/2011




It can take a really long time for are children to adjust to are new partners for my son he was not even two at the time and a year later he has finally gotten comfortable with him. It took so long because my partner works camp jobs so there are weeks months we dont see him but talk often on the phone. Also he is a mommys boy ;) and was just used to me. Make sure you talk about your ideas of parenting and his, what does he do for discipline if anything are you on the same page will you or him be disciplining each others children. What are your house rules going to be and do you agree. Often most fights about blended familys are because the parents arnt on the same page also who will be doing, what does he expect, does he expect you to move in and take over all cleaning and cooking , are you ok with this, work it all out before hand including bills if you are working or if your staying home. please sit down and make a list with him it may seem odd but you will have so many issues resolved before hand and with changing everything in your lives it will be wounderfull and stressful and its beast for everyone to feel like they no there place in the family. Best of luck for me it was hard for the first while because i dident do as mentioned obuve i thought i knew just from small descushions we had had but infact relized later that it is way better to just sit down and talk about these things together one by one as i had to do after, it was increadably stressful until i did and things are much better now. My partner has a daughter as well who we have 8 days of the month as well and it is great to get her and have a beautiful blended family. Also there are more comunitys for help including blended familys, step parents, step parenting, and step moms good luck

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