Advice, rather encouragment about second baby during deployment?

Emilygribble - posted on 06/10/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi there, I'm new here. My husband is in the USAF and currently deployed. We have a 15 month old daughter and we're due to have our second child in August. He is able to be there for the birth ( as of right now ) but will have to return shortly after for another 8 weeks, which will leave me by myself the remainder of those 8 weeks with a toddler and a newborn. Our son came as a complete surprise, none the less a blessing, but I'm TERRIFIED of having a second baby. I am staying with family currently just so I can have help with my daughter, but honestly it's been kind of hard living with them. We've had several fights, which has made my anxiety even worse. I have sought other forums on other websites about the transition from 1-2 and honestly it scares me even more. This is my first time really expressing my concerns in an actual forum other than searching for other peoples experience. mostly moms say going from 1-2 has been tougher than the transition to 2-3 and so on. It's not what I want to hear. I don't expect this to be easy, but ever since I gave birth to my daughter, which wasn't all that long ago, I developed postpartum anxiety which wasn't really ever treated. I was actually just starting to feel "myself" again when I fell pregnant with our son. I think a lot of it may just be fear of the unknown, I'm not sure. As soon as he is born we're going back home, and again I fear those remaining 8 weeks by myself with two small children. I know 8 weeks may not seem like a lot to some, but it is when you're doing EVERYTHING by yourself. I just really need some encouraging worse, some been there done that stories, etc. My anxiety has actually landed me in the doctors office from panic attacks. I just feel so helpless. I don't want to think of this as a burden, because my children are not burdens, but deployments REALLY put a toll on everybody. I also don't have much help where we are stationed, so I'm basically going to have to "wing" it. So overwhelmed. Please help =(


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Kelly - posted on 06/10/2011




my daughter was almost 3 when i had my second daughter. i have raised both of them mostly on my own since. (now 12 and 15) some days r hard but when u r a mom u just do things without even thinking about it. your first child is young but as long as u include her in helping with the new baby things will go easier. my daughter was a big help with getting diapers and wipes and things like that. also if they nap at different times that will give u time to do one on one things with them. also if they have at least one nap at the same time during the day it gives u a break. lol my house was not always the cleanest because it was hard to clean with 2 little ones taking up my time most of the day but my kids were happy and didn't care about that. there is always nap time or after they go to bed for the night to worry about house work. my advise is to just relax and not let the little things get to u. yes it is nice to have the help but i know what it is like to live with someone else who is not the parent of your child. i found it a lot easier when i was on my own in my own home. u will be fine. best wishes

Lissa - posted on 06/10/2011




My youngest two are 15 months apart, my husband worked away five days home for two so I was home with an 8 year old, a 15 months old and a newborn - in winter so we couldn't even get out and about. It's not always easy but you can do it! There are a lot of things you can do to make your life easier. Cook things now and put them in the freezer so you just need to heat meals up. If you don't have a playpen or travel cot get one, that way if you need to make a cup of tea or go to the toilet you can put your older one in it so there is no chance of your daughter accidently hurting the baby. Now I'm not saying she would do anything to harm her but toddlers might try to help by picking the baby up or something. Getting her a doll that comes with a bottle and nappies may help, when you are feeding/changing the baby she can do the same with the dolly. Toddlers love to be involved, encourage her to help you by passing wipes or something and praise her. Use baby feeding time as special story time for your toddler so she can snuggle up and not feel left out.
I remember once taking a shower with my daughter in her high chair and my son in his bouncer in the bathroom with me :)
Remember not to get stressed about the housework etc unless it's so bad you are all in danger of catching some disease housework will keep. Is there any mothers groups near you? That may give you some support.
Most importantly you really need to speak with your doctors about the post partum anxiety. If this was never really treated and his causing anxiety now it needs to be dealt with. I have a friend who developed this with her first and was put on medication with each baby for a while. Ask your Doctor not only about treatment but about support groups in your area.
The good news is at this age they don't really feel jealousy, they just need taught about gentle hands and cuddles because they aren't aware of what might hurt the baby. My youngest two are incredibly close it is lovely to see. They love to help each other and teach each other new things. I have absolutely no regrets about the two being so close, you just need to be organised.
So that was my part about having two close together as for going from one child to two, my eldest was 7 when his sister came along and it was really easy because of his age, so I think my experience of the two younger is more relevant to your situation.
You can do it!!

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