affair child

Melissa - posted on 06/25/2009 ( 512 moms have responded )

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long story short........i was involved in an affair and became pregnant, i kept my baby and i love him more than i could imagine...im in the process of going thru court for child support...the father wants visitations...my concern is he will not be treated fairly by his wife...his other three children and the rest of his family....for obvious reasons the wife hates me and has threatened me like any other person would....but know im expected to send my child their for the weekend?....any thoughts? ( and i dont need any lectures i know what i did was wrong i made a mistake that i will have to pay for, for the rest of my life)

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Kim - posted on 07/10/2009

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The wife has every right to be angry with both her husband as well as the mistress and to a certain degreee the child. People have mentioned the Bible and Godin other quotes if we go back to the golden rule and treat others the way we want to be treated then maybe we can work on becoming a better nation. When I was single I chose not to date married or men in relationships because I knew that one day I would be married and I would not want my pass indiscretions to come into my new relationship. Unfortunately, the child is going to be on the losing end of this situation. If the father does get visitation where will it take place. The child might not be able to visit with the father in his home and get to know his other siblings. The other siblings might not want anything to do with the affair child because of the bond they have with their mother. And the wife will have a constant reminder if what her husband did everytime she looks and the child and the bank account. Marriage needs to be considered sacred again and single people need to leave married people alone and married people need to stay within their marriage. If one person is getting bored with their spouse then that person needs to talk to their spouse and find ways to spice up their marriage.

I have no sympathy for the mother or husband but I do feel for the child.

Heather - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hey, he was the married one! He was the one cheating on someone else! He is much worse in this then you are in my opinion!! He had the wife and other kids to worry about. I think you got blessed with a angel!! Every child is a blessing no matter how they come into this world! Some ways are easier than others but they all end up with a blessing!! Pray about the visitations and just know that God will take care of you!!

Lilly - posted on 10/17/2010

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My husband and I were separated last year for about 7 months.. In that time he managed to get another woman pregnant. We started working things out in febuary, and he told me straight-out about the child the other woman was expecting, so either I walked away now or would support him and grow from this. We have been married 10 yrs and have 3 kids of our own. We were married young n I figured we r all entitled to make mistakes as well as to make things work for te best. Well now we r stronger then ever and now starting to deal with the bio mom. Fromday one I said he needed to get a court order ad not let this linger but it was out off put off and now the child is 6 mths old and the bio mom doesn't want him yo have the baby here at our house, she thinks I will "kick" her child around... But like everyone knows the child is not at fault, I wish my dad would have been around when I was a kid so I'm only thinking of the best for the child yet I'm made out to be this horrible woman when she doesn't even know me! If I'm so horrible why did my husband come back to me?

Jessica - posted on 07/08/2009

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Melissa, as difficult as it seems it will all work out in the end if your heart is right and you are putting God's will first before your own. I was a child out of wedlock and my mother found out after I was born that the reason my father would not marry her was because he was already married. Hurt, angry and guilt-ridden, she rushed to take him to court for child support. She also attempted to visit his wife, but saw her and another baby (months older than me) from afar and decided against it. After the court proceedings, child support was granted as well as visitation. He only visited a couple of times, but I was too young to remember. Needless to say, my mother raised me and never spoke of him until I asked about him; I was about 11 then. When she did speak about the situation she was still seriously embarrassed about the whole scenario, calling herself ignorant and studid. Though rationally anyone would want to point the finger at the man, my mother did not do that. As a matter of fact, she did not speak an ill word about my father to me.





Fortunately, I never felt like an odd ball (having no dad at home) because I was always surrounded by people who loved me. My biological father missed out from being a part of my life. But there is no resentment here, nor fault finding. I'm content with the fact that I have a Father in heaven who is a father to the fatherless. He will never forsake me, nor my family and He will not forsake you and your son. Just like He did not forsake Ishmael when he was dying with his mother Hagar in the wilderness. Be at peace in Christ Jesus. Ask the Lord for direction. His heart is toward ALL concerned and He loves each one of you dearly. Don't react, or run with emotions, seek Godly counsel.





By the way, I also know what it's like to be the wife in such a scenario and what it feels like to be misunderstood by the "other" woman. But God knows all things. In my case, He was dealing heavily with everyone's heart and I made sure that I made my voice heard as it pertained to the child's life. If something were to happen to the mom, I would take the child in in a heartbeat. I was like that child, a "love child" from an adulterous affair, though the scenario was way different. I thank God for the other child, because it was through this child's birth that everyone had to face up to the truth about themselves.





May He give you rest as you seek His will in the matter. He will answer your prayers and bring the right people to support you and your son. You are blessed. The child is a blessing. Consider the honor God has bestowed on you. It's a heavy responsibility. Despite the pain, the deceit...see and know that you will persevere...you will persevere...As long as you know, love and walk with God, there's nothing that you need to fear. God will cover you.





Will pray for you and the situation. Give a hug and a kiss to the baby for me.





Much love from above :)

Heather - posted on 06/26/2009

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Why get upset when women don't agree with you? The entire point of this is to get several different view points, whether or not they agree with everyone doesn't matter. Whoever posts the questions will take the answers she wants. Don't get upset just because you don't agree with what someone says. You're commenting over all the posts that you don't agree with, not supporting the ones that help the woman who posted this in the first place. Now all the attention is on what you don't agree with and it's not on what would best help Melissa.

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Shayla - posted on 07/21/2009

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well you can always request supervised visitation tell the jugde that she has threathened you and you don't feel safe.also don't fault yourself for his mistake he was the one who took the vow not u and far as the wife she forgave him for cheating then she can except his child because in the end he stuck with the baby for life on their end it's always room for divorce hold your head up god don't never put to much on you that you can't bear long as you take care of the gift god gave you he'll continue to bless you.good luck

[deleted account]

No baby that is truly loved is EVER a mistake Melissa. I know I would never be comfortable sending my child to another womans home, even if it was a divorce scenario. How old is your son that you've even contemplating sending him to stay with his father? Especially overnight? My concern wouldn't only be for his wife, but also his other children... how are THEY going to react to having a little brother that isn't really a brother. I don't think you should even consider him staying with his father at all. I take it you're no longer seeing his father? If I were you and I could afford it, I would do my best to quietly fade into the background and find another loving man who doesn't mind that you already have a gorgeous little boy and who is willing to be a full time daddy, and eventually even adopt him. I know that it will be hard for everyone concerned, but you are his mom and at the end of the day his welfare is up to you. You can decide whether or not his father should see him and on what terms. Good luck!

Kendra - posted on 07/12/2009

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if you have concerns about this cant you speak to your lawyer about this and things; maybe not weekends maybe one night a week for a while starting witha couple hrs and gradually moving up to longer visitations would be a good idea. you can talk to me if youd like. good luck babe.

Erin - posted on 07/12/2009

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Well, do you think that his wife would do anything to harm your child? If there answer is yes, then you can ask the court for his visitation to not be around his wife. Or you can ask for supervised visitation and have the wife be there so she can be supervised as well. That way the visitations can slowly get to unsupervised. Or he could just get the standard visitation and you can see how things go. Just go with your gut instinct on how you should handle this situation.

Javita - posted on 07/12/2009

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Unfortunately the only loser in a case like this is always the child. It takes two to tangle,one person can't make a baby and if God had intended for women to raise children alone then we would be able to have them alone. We as a people don't have a heaven or a hell to put you in. What you did is between you the Lord. If you have asked him for forgiveness then it is finished. Now you have to pray that he keep a hedge of protection around your son when he is with his father or that he will keep the visitation from taking place if they don't mean your son any good. Put it in God's hands and He will work it out for the good.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/12/2009

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Hopefully if she is a loving mother she will accept this child obviously shes forgiven her husband. This is a child that just wants love and affection hes sooooo cute!!! Its not his fault he was brought into this world

Kia - posted on 07/12/2009

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Quoting Ryan:



Quoting Kim:

The wife has every right to be angry with both her husband as well as the mistress and to a certain degreee the child. People have mentioned the Bible and Godin other quotes if we go back to the golden rule and treat others the way we want to be treated then maybe we can work on becoming a better nation. When I was single I chose not to date married or men in relationships because I knew that one day I would be married and I would not want my pass indiscretions to come into my new relationship. Unfortunately, the child is going to be on the losing end of this situation. If the father does get visitation where will it take place. The child might not be able to visit with the father in his home and get to know his other siblings. The other siblings might not want anything to do with the affair child because of the bond they have with their mother. And the wife will have a constant reminder if what her husband did everytime she looks and the child and the bank account. Marriage needs to be considered sacred again and single people need to leave married people alone and married people need to stay within their marriage. If one person is getting bored with their spouse then that person needs to talk to their spouse and find ways to spice up their marriage.
I have no sympathy for the mother or husband but I do feel for the child.





OK you think that this mans wife has a right to be angry to a certain degree with this INNOCENT CHILD what the hell is the matter with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have nothing to say about the rest of your post but my mouth literally dropped when you said this! I can't begin to fathom what kind of person would think that let alone say it! wow





Okay so you choose not to get into an affair because those are you morals and your standards, but you can't force what you believe on others. I think that you have a bad opinion of yourself and you projected that through your writing. there are some people who get into affairs and don't know the other is married. So what do you say to those people? Burn in hell? I can't believe what you said about the child because that child will be alright because he is a gift from God, but you skipped over that in the bible huh? As long as the mother is there this child will never suffer. The Lord will always carry him in his time of need and for you to has no sympathy in your heart for these three shows how far from the Lord you are. It is not for us to condemn these people, but to help where we can give it. I suggest you face whatever hurt or whoever hurt you because the advice you're giving is poison.

Kia - posted on 07/12/2009

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if you feel that your son life maybe in danger from the wife ask for a medator to be present during visits and continue to pray. The wife has all the reason in the world to be mad, but I think she should be mad at her husband and not you. because if it wasn't you it would have been someone else because he wasn't happy and that is something she has to realize.

Jeanne - posted on 07/11/2009

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OK,SO YOU MADE A MISTAKE,BUT DDONT LET YOUR BABY BOY SUFFER. GO TO COURT AND HAVE IT IN WRITING THAT THE FATHER CAN ONLY VISIT AT YOUR HOME.MAKE SURE YOU TELL THE JUDGE WHY U FEEL THIS WAY. ALSO,THERE ARE FREE LAWYERS AROUND,SO CHECK THEM OUT. I HOPE THIS HELPS.

Janet - posted on 07/11/2009

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Just love your son and do the best you can for him, whatever it takes!!!! Some people will never be able to understand your situation unless they have lived it, so just ignore all of the bad comments!!!

Ryan - posted on 07/10/2009

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Quoting Kim:

The wife has every right to be angry with both her husband as well as the mistress and to a certain degreee the child. People have mentioned the Bible and Godin other quotes if we go back to the golden rule and treat others the way we want to be treated then maybe we can work on becoming a better nation. When I was single I chose not to date married or men in relationships because I knew that one day I would be married and I would not want my pass indiscretions to come into my new relationship. Unfortunately, the child is going to be on the losing end of this situation. If the father does get visitation where will it take place. The child might not be able to visit with the father in his home and get to know his other siblings. The other siblings might not want anything to do with the affair child because of the bond they have with their mother. And the wife will have a constant reminder if what her husband did everytime she looks and the child and the bank account. Marriage needs to be considered sacred again and single people need to leave married people alone and married people need to stay within their marriage. If one person is getting bored with their spouse then that person needs to talk to their spouse and find ways to spice up their marriage.
I have no sympathy for the mother or husband but I do feel for the child.


OK you think that this mans wife has a right to be angry to a certain degree with this INNOCENT CHILD what the hell is the matter with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have nothing to say about the rest of your post but my mouth literally dropped when you said this! I can't begin to fathom what kind of person would think that let alone say it! wow

User - posted on 07/10/2009

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Quoting Lartees:

ummm i guess I'm the only one tha feels a little different here. My heart goes out to the wife because her having to have this child at her house is a constant reminder of her husbands infidelity. Even if she decides to move on and tries to forgive him the child makes it very hard. I don't want to lecture you but you have some nerve to even take him to child support, becuz trust me I know there were signs that he was marraied and u ignored them.I don't fill sorry for you and if i were the wife you would not have to worry about me hurting your child becuz the (BASTARD) would not be at my home!!!!!!!!(child conceived out pf wedlock) JMO







Wow such harsh words obviously you've never walked in her shoes. Millions of kids are"bastards" Im so glad there are still narrow minded people like you in the world to remind us of the horriable name associated with an innocent life brought into this world by two consenting adults.




 




That being said there are not always signs. In fact I dated a man, he lived with me 5 out of 7 days a week. We vactioned together, we went to dinner together, I was in his home, he in mine (obviously) His home was under 10 miles from where I lived when we went to dinner, for walks, to social events and so forth not just for my work but his there were NO signs. We were even engaged to be married.. Then one day I called his house and a woman answered it was, you guessed it his wife. She wasnt shocked because I apparently wasnt the first (nor the last).




 




As for child support she has every right to seek it as it is his responsiblity to pay for the life he helped create regardless of his age, finiancial status or marital status. You can ask for supervised visits for a certain amount of time until the child/father get to know one another. Not many courts are going to say "tomorrow you leave the child who has never met his father and knows only you as his caregiver for a weekend" not going to happen not if the judge has any sense. The wife also has a right to be angry not just with you but with her husband and the child will just remind her of what her husband did. If she has made threats to you make it known in court if you fear for your child make it known in court. Dont just keep your mouth shut fight for what is right

Becky - posted on 07/09/2009

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You can put restrictions on them. My ex-husband cheated on me and I did not want that girl around my kids (one of them being a new born.) I made it so that she could not be alone with them that somone(a family memeber of some sort that I trusted) had to be around when she was with the kids or it had to be a public setting where there was always someone around. She could not be alone with them. But, each state is different. It worked and he no longer wanted to see the kids he was just trying to avoid paying child support. It is a law that you can't keep them from the other parent they want them to have a mother and a father.

Jill - posted on 07/09/2009

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Everybody makes mistakes! We're human. But to hell w/everybody when it comes to the safety of my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catherine - posted on 07/09/2009

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Mmmm. No. Your child's father should come to you for visitation or to a neutral place (like a park or playground). You should protect your child from any ugliness or feeling of not belonging in the father's family set up. It's your baby. He's the father. It can work but it will take effort from both of you to keep it smooth.

C x

Rachael - posted on 07/09/2009

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I feel for you Mel, My son was also the result of an affair.

Although in my case the dad did leave his wife for us. This was not as easy as you may think. I now have the problem of most of our families do not class my child as part of their family (their loss)

Also his dad sometimes has bonding issues with my son as he left behind 2 children and often feels very gulity for this. My partners wife will not now let him see his children

which make the situation even harder for all concerned.

I wish you and your son the best of luck, im sure you will make the right descision

all the best

R x

Trish - posted on 07/09/2009

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Get a good lawyer, document all calls etc. and threats...push for and push hard for visitation elsewhere and no overnights until the child is old enough to at least walk. It will be tougher on your than the baby right now anyway. Good luck!

Raquel - posted on 07/09/2009

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I made the same mistake, only I not just had one child by this man. I have 2 by him and he is not happy that i filed for child support on him either. as for his now ex-wife. we are close and she is part of our family for now he has gotten his new girlfriend pregnant. so now we are up to 4 children. my advice to you is if you think that your child is not going to be treated fairly then don send him. meet his father in a public place for a while ( with the wife and any othe children that they have together.) i hope that this helps.

Stephani - posted on 07/09/2009

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Maybe ask for supervised visitation to start. Then you can see how serious he is about being a father. You never know he may decide it's too much work and just go away. I know it's not the ideal situation for your child but it might be what's best in the long run. You are correct about not needing lectures....we have all made mistakes and no one should be judging you for doing what is best for you!

Stephani - posted on 07/09/2009

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Maybe ask for supervised visitation to start. Then you can see how serious he is about being a father. You never know he may decide it's too much work and just go away. I know it's not the ideal situation for your child but it might be what's best in the long run. You are correct about not needing lectures....we have all made mistakes and no one should be judging you for doing what is best for you!

Judy - posted on 07/09/2009

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Your mistake... It took two Don't put the blame on yurself ..... don't let anyone judge you .. As for letting him see the child see how things go explain to the judge about the cicumstances . or have a neutral place with visits til you feel comfortable !

Denice - posted on 07/09/2009

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Working in a law firm, I can tell you that you can request restricted visitation due to hostile environment in the father's home. This means the father can see his child but alone. I must warn you it probably won't be easy to get because you have to prove the hostility, BUT if you at least put the buzz out there in the court, and your child is treated unfairly and you can document it, then you CAN get the restricted visitation and/or monitored visitation, which would mean that the father would have to be in the presence of someone that either the court appoints OR that you choose. Sucks that your child would have to be treated badly, I always hated that part of the law. I mean someone has to become a victim first to get what they need what is the point?!



Anyways, that would be my advise. Hang onto that baby and love him for all he is worth girl, he is a most precious bundle.

Annschen - posted on 07/09/2009

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I Would'nt send over the child to their home...all a child wants is to be loved and taken care of, and chances are that your child might not get attention of love from that home. If the father still wants to see your child, he can come and visit him at your home or at a place of safety. Take care and good luck.

CHAUNDRA - posted on 07/08/2009

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As the mother you can request who the child is around in the beginning(ie, visitation with only the father) and then set-up to include the wife. Talk with your lawyer share herthe statements of threats and how you feel

User - posted on 07/08/2009

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Melissa, please just remember that your child is yours to protect, Please read up on laws in your state and hire a lawyer that will fight to protect your child. But with all this said I would try to address our concerns with the father and his wife with a third party that can be admissible into court if needed but defiantly someone that is not attached to either side. Once visitations start just watch your child and see if he is still happy and once established there willing to go or does his personality shift and take the later to judge if needed. I agree that the father has financial responsibility but I do also agree that they should b able to have a chance to know each other. I will say watch everything and if needed go back and remove visitation. I feel for you I have an 8 year old boy that was from a one night blunder with a somewhat friend I was thankful for a little more than 7 that we could raise our child separate but together. I have a wonderful husband who never felt threatened and he had a wife for a few years. He now has 3 children by 3 women, my son being the oldest and his daughter by his recent ex-wife being the youngest. I had to remove all visitation in January when my son came home black and blue all over his rear end and down his legs. I gave them the opportunity for their relationship but his father made a choice that put me in that is my child to protect mode. I hope she rise above and treat your son the way he deserves which as an innocent blessing. Good luck to you and just remember love your child no matter what and protect when you must but give opportunities also.

[deleted account]

So long as there isn't any real danger involved in the visitations, I say the dad should see him. I'll pray that the wife will melt when she sees the little ones face. I'm not sure how old the other children are but best case scenerio the wife may see it as another chance at mothering a baby that she can love and play with but at the end of the weekend give back happy and loved.

Rebecca - posted on 07/08/2009

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well that sounds like me and oldest sons father, so i cant say what you did was wrong at all. my son is now 9 years old his father hasn't been in his life since he was 3. his father was also married and had 2 other kids. when my son was 2 he wanted visitation, so i filed for child support. he got what he wanted and so did i, but after about 6 months of him seeing him, there was alot of problems and his wife came to my work and said that she didnt want my son at her house and i told her fine then. my son never went back over there and his father hasnt had anything to do with him since, plus he dont pay his child supprt, but he keeps having kid with his wife since my son stopped going there, his father has had another son, and is getting ready to have a lil girl. i wish you the best of luck with this. my son is my world and his father is the one that is missing out on all great things not me. so good luck.

Helen - posted on 07/08/2009

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Dear melissa, try explaining to the baby,s father your fears and concerns.maybe you could arrange visitations at a neutral place untill such time you feel comfortable letting your baby be in their care, Good luck honey, Helen

User - posted on 07/08/2009

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If the wife can not accept the child she has no business with that man, as well as he has no business with her. Fortunately for me when my husband went to prison eleven years ago, I created a child with someone else, My husband accepted my daughter as his own and treats her as one of his own. If he had not, I would've been gone like yesterday. Women should put NOONE above their own child. My husband is more of a father to my daughter than her own biological father is or ever was. My husband has never held anything against my daughter or me. I guess maybe that's because he was incarcerated and he knew going in most women would go out and get 'em a little some. some

User - posted on 07/08/2009

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If the wife will be present for the visitations, I would suggest going to court with documentation, voicemails, or witnesses to the threats and ask for supervised or third party visitations. A restraining order prohibiting her to be near your child is an option. You and the father should try to talk with the heifer nowhere in site and try to come up w/ an agreement.

[deleted account]

He might be able to get visitation rights, but you should be named the primary custodian or guardian, whatever your state calls it. A good lawyer can guide you in this. If he does get visitation, you can put stiuplations on it that you are comfortable with. Be sure the judge knows the wife has threatened you and ask that visits take place in a "safe" place. You know the man -- besides being a cheater and a liar, is a good father to his other children when he isn't cheating on their mom? My daughter was in your boat but the man wanted nothing to do with her or her baby. She's glad to have him out of her life. Good luck to you and keep your baby's best interest at heart at all times.

Gretchen - posted on 07/08/2009

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well. should of used protection comes to mind, but things happen. bygones. now, I understand child support and child visitation are 2different things per the court system. in real life, this must suck. if the father wants visitation, great. but, I would highly recommend visitation be in the child's home, or to take place at a public/neutral location. He can have visitation, just not in his home with the wife. I think any judge should be made aware of the situation and would understand your request as it is in the child's best interest and it will show that you aren't denying the visitation. Document any of the wife's threats from here on out and use them against her!

Gretchen - posted on 07/08/2009

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well. should of used protection comes to mind, but things happen. bygones. now, I understand child support and child visitation are 2different things per the court system. in real life, this must suck. if the father wants visitation, great. but, I would highly recommend visitation be in the child's home, or to take place at a public/neutral location. He can have visitation, just not in his home with the wife. I think any judge should be made aware of the situation and would understand your request as it is in the child's best interest and it will show that you aren't denying the visitation. Document any of the wife's threats from here on out and use them against her!

Patricia - posted on 07/08/2009

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I belive that all you can do in a place like this is trust and pray that the father of the baby is a good enough man to not let somthing like that happen. At the end of the day that baby didnt ask to be put in that situation and it isnt fair for anyone to treat him like it was his chose. And becuase your going through the courts he'll (the father) more then likely win atleast weekends unless ther are outstanding factors, but thats neither here nor there. I guess the best thing you can do is just watch and listen for any changes in your son. And pn another note yes you made a mistake but we are all human everyone makes mistakes but if that woman (the fathers wife) could find forgivness for him then the least she could do is come to some kinda of understranding with you for the sake of the child, because that kid is still apart of her husband regarudless if she likes it or not so are you! But i wish you the best of luck and i will pray for you and your son!! Have a very blessed day.

Janet - posted on 07/08/2009

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I am in the same situation as you. The only difference is that my sons father is willingly paying support, but doesn't want to see him at all. That is just fine with me. My opinion is that you can't help who you fall in love with. My son will always be loved by so many people. Be strong!!! I hope that you can find a healthy and safe way to raise your son, with or without his father in the picture. God Bless both of you!!!!

Dawn - posted on 07/08/2009

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Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is get an attorney and make how you feel about it known to him and and the courts then let them decide. An attorney will be able to advise you properly. If you can't afford one, like I said, bring up your fears to the judge. My fiancee just had a custody battle and the judge put in the court order that neither parent nor any third party shall in any way hamper the natural love and respect of the children towards either parent. It may be worded differently in your case, and I was in your shoes. Don't feel that you did anything wrong. If anything, he was wrong for my guess seducing you knowing that he would never leave his wife and children. Just be thankful for the beautiful consequence of it.

Christina - posted on 07/08/2009

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Can't have your cake and eat it too. Usually child support equals visitation. At least the father is trying to do the right thing. You fell in love with this man for a reason. I am assuming besides being a cheater he is a good man. If he is a good man he will keep up with visitations and protect his son. Which we are just assuming needs protection. The wife might hate the situation and have resentment for her husband but she might not be as bad as you would think. Maybe she is smart enough to know it is not the childs fault. She can't act like a beast in front of this father or other childern. After all that is their sibling. If the father really want to be involed he will pay his child support and keep up visitation or they fizzle out. Either ecause he really doesn't care or the wife is on his case or doesn't treat him like the rest. Either way your son will get to an age that he will be able to tell you if he want to go over there. Best thing you can do is keep open communication with the father.

Christina - posted on 07/08/2009

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Can't have your cake and eat it too. Usually child support equals visitation. At least the father is trying to do the right thing. You fell in love with this man for a reason. I am assuming besides being a cheater he is a good man. If he is a good man he will keep up with visitations and protect his son. Which we are just assuming needs protection. The wife might hate the situation and have resentment for her husband but she might not be as bad as you would think. Maybe she is smart enough to know it is not the childs fault. She can't act like a beast in front of this father or other childern. After all that is their sibling. If the father really want to be involed he will pay his child support and keep up visitation or they fizzle out. Either ecause he really doesn't care or the wife is on his case or doesn't treat him like the rest. Either way your son will get to an age that he will be able to tell you if he want to go over there. Best thing you can do is keep open communication with the father.

Christina - posted on 07/08/2009

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Can't have your cake and eat it too. Usually child support equals visitation. At least the father is trying to do the right thing. You fell in love with this man for a reason. I am assuming besides being a cheater he is a good man. If he is a good man he will keep up with visitations and protect his son. Which we are just assuming needs protection. The wife might hate the situation and have resentment for her husband but she might not be as bad as you would think. Maybe she is smart enough to know it is not the childs fault. She can't act like a beast in front of this father or other childern. After all that is their sibling. If the father really want to be involed he will pay his child support and keep up visitation or they fizzle out. Either ecause he really doesn't care or the wife is on his case or doesn't treat him like the rest. Either way your son will get to an age that he will be able to tell you if he want to go over there. Best thing you can do is keep open communication with the father.

Jacqui - posted on 07/08/2009

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I would demand supervised visitation and state your concerns clearly to the judge, lawyers and him and his wife. There is so much child abuse in the world and if she has that much hatred towards you, she may take it out on your child. I wouldn't let my child go for the weekend or a few hours unsupervised. Consult your local child advocacy program on ways to resolve the situation. Like one of the replies stated, he may only want visitation because you are requesting support, so his visits might not last long. Take care of your child, they cannot speak for themselves when so young.

Jamie - posted on 07/08/2009

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All the lectures and name calling is very unnecessary. What has been done is done and now you and the father have to focus on the well being of your child. If he is asking for visitation obviously he loves and care for the child. You have to believe that he loves this child like all of his other children and through that will not allow anything to happen to your child. I also believe because the wife has children of her own she will not harm your child. You have the right to be cautious but know that it always take the wife longer to forgive the mistress. She had no love for you and she blames you for disrupting her life. It's not right but that is the way things happen. Make your concerns known to your lawyer, judge and the father. Document everything and as soon as you see any discrepencies report it. Pray and keep God in your life. God Bless!!

Sonya - posted on 07/08/2009

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Be glad the baby's father wants to be active in this amazing child's life. That's hard to find now a days. If she's threatening you, mention that to your lawyer. Definitely try to get some proof of threats. Regardless of the situation, you should NEVER be threatened by ANYONE.

Ashley - posted on 07/08/2009

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if the father is just wanting visitations for the fact he has to pay child support chances are him and his wife will stop that soon enough but if he is really wanting to be a dad to the child he will protect it from his wife. know if it was me i would have something wrote up about how the child has to be with his father the whole time not to be left alone with her and if the child is under 2 or so most def under 1 i dont think its good for the child to have another women get up with him in the middle of the night and take care of him the child might get confused. if i was her i would be mad too but i would be taking it out on my husband more how can she threaten you and sleep in the same bed with him you both made the mistake it's kinda hipacritical on her part.

If she wants to forgive her husband she needs to forgive you too for the child at hand.

Julia - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Kathleen:

maybe the best thing to do would just forget about the child support!! if it was me i wouldn't want my child spending time with another family. i just went through the process of getting child support and its ridiculous im only entitled to like $400 a year (if that) which isn't even much money!!! and they cannot actually MAKE the father pay the money so you don't even know if you will get it! i haven't gotten any yet... and i just feel like i wasted a whole lot of time! if you are concerned about how the wife will treat your baby maybe you should just forget about it.. unless you really need the money... its just up to you!



Oh girlfriend I don't know where you live but I get my child support every month through income deduction. I get mine, before he gets his and I get more, much more, then $400 A MONTH, let alone a year. It is not about the money, it's about the fact that you did not bring the baby in this world by yourself, regardless of the circumstances, so you should not have to provide for him by yourself. The wife is going to just have to suck it up and deal with it cause she married to a snake in the grass

Julia - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Kathleen:

maybe the best thing to do would just forget about the child support!! if it was me i wouldn't want my child spending time with another family. i just went through the process of getting child support and its ridiculous im only entitled to like $400 a year (if that) which isn't even much money!!! and they cannot actually MAKE the father pay the money so you don't even know if you will get it! i haven't gotten any yet... and i just feel like i wasted a whole lot of time! if you are concerned about how the wife will treat your baby maybe you should just forget about it.. unless you really need the money... its just up to you!



Oh girlfriend I don't know where you live but I get my child support every month through income deduction. I get mine, before he gets his and I get more, much more, then $400 A MONTH, let alone a year. It is not about the money, it's about the fact that you did not bring the baby in this world by yourself, regardless of the circumstances, so you should not have to provide for him by yourself. The wife is going to just have to suck it up and deal with it cause she married to a snake in the grass

Julia - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Kathleen:

maybe the best thing to do would just forget about the child support!! if it was me i wouldn't want my child spending time with another family. i just went through the process of getting child support and its ridiculous im only entitled to like $400 a year (if that) which isn't even much money!!! and they cannot actually MAKE the father pay the money so you don't even know if you will get it! i haven't gotten any yet... and i just feel like i wasted a whole lot of time! if you are concerned about how the wife will treat your baby maybe you should just forget about it.. unless you really need the money... its just up to you!



Oh girlfriend I don't know where you live but I get my child support every month through income deduction. I get mine, before he gets his and I get more, much more, then $400 A MONTH, let alone a year. It is not about the money, it's about the fact that you did not bring the baby in this world by yourself, regardless of the circumstances, so you should not have to provide for him by yourself. The wife is going to just have to suck it up and deal with it cause she married to a snake in the grass

[deleted account]

I feel bad for you and the situation, but honestly I think if she is a mother already she will treat him with respect and love him the same, She might not like you but Im sure it will be different for him. I would also hope that his dad wouldn't allow her to act any different towards him. If he wants to see him im sure that they have talked about it alot and have agreed on it. Good luck with everything!!

Julia - posted on 07/08/2009

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I don't think the wife should hate you. You wasn't married to her and it was up to HIM to keep the commitment - not you. I'm not saying what you did was right or wrong. I'm just saying the wife shoud be happy you outted him as the low down dirty snake in the grass that his cheating behind is. But that aside, it is a good thing that he wants visitation and he wants to be involved. I mean, think of how hard he may have had to fight this woman to request the visitation. If she hate u that much, he had to fight her on that one. You have to trust this man to watch out after your child while he is there. You didn't mention it being a dangerous home or anything like that so chances is, he will get some sort of visitation. I was in a situation where I was with the guy before he got married. My son was 2 when he got married but the wife didn't find out until afterwards. I put her on notice that I was going to be watching and asking some questions and if I though she had miss treated him in anyway, we was going to have some problems. Mediatation did not work because she was hurt, and angry, and felt mislead. But she was mad at me and not him which made no sense at all cause i didn't know, nor care, any thing about her. I ended up kicking her out of mediation. My point is, this is between you and the man and you have to just trust that he is going to do the right thing

Katrina - posted on 07/08/2009

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It sounds like the wife runs that house... He needs to stand up to her and tell her to behave while his on is visiting or leave the house and get a room somewhere. I hope this all works out for you! I too have an affair( actually many...long story)and fell in love with one man. I came close to divorce...had papers handed to me, but we worked things ourt and are more in love. You are a strong woman to be dealing with this the way you are. I will be praying for you and all involved.

Celeste - posted on 07/08/2009

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I agree, this is a tough situation. If the court is involved you need to put it all on the table upfront because you may get stuck with something that is a horrible situation that you can not or will take more time and money to change. I think the thing here, and none of us know the ohter side of this story, It is time for this man to step up to the plate and make the situation work for everyone. It will take give and take and I'm sure there will be more tears and hurt feelings, but if this is done in love and consideration, then it should eventually get worked out for all involved.

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