Hope - posted on 01/10/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )





I have a 12 year old boy who is struggling with keeping friends. I will give a little back ground on this and (I will make it brief). My son met this boy a couple of years ago who was picked on all the time. My son then decided to make friends with this boy and introduced him to his friends and stuck up for him when others (including his friends) would pick on him. Over the years they became great friends doing everything together and his mother even came over and spoke to me about how great my son was for helping her son out. Sounds great right, except now my son is being excluded from the group. I spoke to the mother of the boy who my son had helped those couple of years ago, (as they had a few of the kids on their hockey team together at their house, which by the way live right behind us) and her response was I can't make my son be friends with your son. Then she also told me one of the other boys dislikes my son so she could'nt have him over either way. So now my son has become very angry boy and when he's not angry he's sad. I just want to make him feel better and see the happy boy he used to be.


Laura - posted on 01/10/2011




Betrayal (which is what has happened to your son with his friend) is one of the most difficult lessons to deal with in life. Start by talking to your son about his emotions and label what has happened--he feels "betrayed" by his friend. Your son obviously seems to have a strong sense of loyalty to those he calls friends so this feeling of betrayal is all that more hurtful.

What your son did for this other boy demonstrates compassion, justice, and true friendship, qualities that should be praised to no end! Let him know that not everyone in the world knows how to demonstrate those qualities though. His friend (and the mother, no doubt) either don't seem to understand how to show these qualities or don't seem to hold the same value in those qualities. With that understanding, your son now has a choice to make: Seek new friends, letting this experience of friendship go or attempt to re-establish the friendship.

In seeking new friends, look outside of school for possible opportunities. You mention hockey as an activity the boys participated in, perhaps your son can play on another team or is interested in another sport all together. Scouts, programs through the YMCA, Little League, or the Boys & Girls Club (my 12 year old daughter's favorite place) are all good places to make new friends. Remember that this can be a character-building experience even though it hurts now. Keep the lines of communication open and try to help him move past this by providing those other opportunities to make friends. Hope this helps and good luck!

Jodie - posted on 01/10/2011




My heart is breaking for you and your son because I know what you're going through. My son is almost 9 and we're having the same problems with him being excluded and the "friends" he does have pick on him. My suggestion to you is to get him involved in activities that he's interested in. He will hopefully meet other kids there that aren't from his school that he can connect and be friends with. And make sure that your son knows he can always come and talk to you about how he's feeling. You want him to know that he's never alone in this world. Good luck!

Desarae - posted on 01/10/2011




When I was that age, I was VERY popular, but then one day on of the girls in my "clique" said something that upset me. Me, being a loud-mouthed 13 year old, fired back. That was stupid, because then she in turn told lies about me, and made all the other girls alienate me, and ridicule me. They would trip me in the hall ways, pour makeup on my clothes, steal things from my locker... just horrible mean things. At first it just made me mad but I didn't do anything. After a few months, I felt really alone, and it started to take a tole on me. You know how hard it is at that age.. let alone being an outcast. I thought a lot about it, and sat down with my mother. I told her what was going on, and then begged her not to talk to other moms- because that ALWAYS makes it worse!- and told her that I needed a new school. Not to run away, but because I needed a fresh start.. to figure out how to find my way and enjoy life again. So, I went to school in the next town- which is a 10 min drive- and never regretted it. The first day, I joined a sport and club I was intrested in, made friends, found things I became passionate about.. and to this day, i am good friends with the ones I made at my new school.
It may not be the answer for your son, but I think if he is that alone, you should maybe think about it.


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Hope - posted on 01/11/2011




Thanks, I do have him in sports and he he loves it. He plays on all the school sports teams as well. However he never has any one come to his house or he is never asked to go to their house. I have asked him if he talks to the kids on the bench he says a little. At home he just seems so lonely. He has talked about playing football and that is out of our little town so we may try that in the summer.

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