Am I an aweful mom for not wanting my stepson in my home

Jasmine - posted on 03/12/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband and I have four children together and I have one stepson from my husbands previous marriage. He is in the military, and like many other marines he married this girl after only knowing her for 6 months so that he could get out of the barracks, make more money and be able to move back home where all his family and friends where. He immediately regretted getting married but she got pregnant right away so he decided to try to make it work for his son. However, he was miserable. First of all he didn't love her, he used her to get more money and have more freedom in the military. He knows it was wrong and has manned up to it and obviously regrets it. She was lazy, miserable, and only wanted someone to support her financially so she didn't have to work ever again. Anyway, he ended up leaving her and we met right after so I have been in his son's life since he was 1 year old. We only saw him once a year at first bc we lived across the country from him (due to military orders) He is now 6 and we moved closer to him a year ago. We immediately started our visitation per the court order and even went back to court to request more visitation. We had him every other wknd and two weeks in the summer for the first year we where here. However, my hubby deployed and went to training so we haven't seen him for almost a year. That year that we did see him was AWFUL!!!! His mother is a hateful, spiteful woman who hates my husband and I. She tells her son that he left them for me and a bunch of other lies. He is pretty much brainwashed in the worst way ever. But that didn't bother me at all b/c I know that once he's old enough he will see the truth for himself. But we have four children of our own that we love very much and they are and will always be our first priority. I don't want them to hear bad things about their dad and me, especially not awful lies. I'm very concerned that having him around will only have a negative impact on our children. Especially b/c his mother already tried something against my son!!! We had criminal investigators come to our house looking for our son for alleged accusations made against him by that b****!!! She claimed my son abused her son. This was nothing more than bs lies so that she can use in court. It is not the first time she makes up lies and stories to try to ruin my husband in court. We always prove her wrong and prove that she is lying. However, the fact that she is now using my children in her sickening lies has made me really upset and resentful. I can handle her messing with my husband and me, but no one can mess with my children!!!!! I feel so bad for the way I think now, but I honestly don't want my stepson around anymore. He's not a bad kid and I do care for him a lot, but I need to protect my children! His mother will stop at nothing to get her way, so yes I am very worried about what other lies or things she'll say or do against my children. I secretively wish my husband would give up his rights so we don't have to deal with her ever again! But I know that is wrong and I would never ask him to do that. However, I did let him know that I do not want to bring him to our house anymore. I know this makes me seem like an awful stepmother, but to be honest I don't care. I have to be a mother, a protective mother to my children before I can be anything else. My husband understands this and he also wants what is best for our children. But his conscious won't allow him to abandend his son and I would never ask him to. I want us to see his son so he knows that we didn't forget about him, but I don't want him around our children. Is this wrong? I would like to hear sincere opinions about this. Please no judgmental comments just candid feedback. TIA


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/12/2015




If you cannot include the child, fully, in your family, then ask your husband to rescind his rights.

Its not the kid's fault his mother's a bitch.

Address the issues in court, with attorneys. Get restraining orders for her. Get orders regarding alienation, etc, in place, and get orders for blended family counseling.

Then participate in counseling and learn how to separate the kid and his actions from the mother and her actions.

Raye - posted on 03/12/2015




That poor child is caught in the middle and is going to suffer because his parents can't get along. Your husband needs to have a talk with his ex to explain the harm that she's doing to their son. Her vindictiveness will not get her what she wants and she needs to stop. Any other communication needs to be ONLY about the child. If you have visitation, then you treat the child well and do your part. You can't control what goes on at his mother's. If he repeats bad things to your children, you just explain to them that he's been misinformed, that what he's saying isn't true and you can try telling him that too. Don't bad-mouth his mother, just say that she has the facts wrong and you don't want to hear him repeating what she says. That kid didn't ask to be in that situation, and it's not his fault for his mother's behavior. Don't punish him or restrict your husband from seeing his son because of her.

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