
Amy - posted on 05/30/2011 ( 36 moms have responded )
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My daughter is coming up to her 2nd Birthday and a few Friends have suggested that we start trying for another. I'm nearly 22 and my daughter wasn't planned.
Don't get me wrong, I love my little girl more than anything ... but I hate the thought of having another. Mainly due to financial reasons but also because she had terrible colic and it really got me down - I don't think I could go through that again.
Am I being selfish for only having one? Should she have a brother or sister to keep her company?
Let me know what you think, be as brutal as you like.
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Barb - posted on 05/30/2011
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Ok, a couple of things. If you hate the thought of having another child then the obvious answer is; don't have another child.
Next, each child is unique, just because the first baby had colic doesn't mean the second one will.
And lastly, a child shouldn't be born with a job. Cute story though, my friend's daughter was expecting her second child. Her first child was so excited to have a baby sister and talked of nothing else. After my friend's daughter brought the baby home, my friends older granddaughter came to spend the night. My friend asked her what she thought of her baby sister, to which she replied; "she can't color or do nothing, she just lays there and cries like a baby"
No, you are NOT being selfish, it sounds to me like you are being logical and responsible because you know your financial situation.
You will never please everyone else. So don't allow yourself to get bullied into doing something you know is not a good decision for you and your family at this time.
Tiffany - posted on 05/30/2011
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Amy, I worry about my dd who just turned 4 and is an only child, she wants a baby sister so bad.
I loved being pregnant (despite the high blood pressure that resulted and the 50 lbs of weight gain) but I had a traumatic birth, almost dying from blood loss. I also get the "You should have another baby" from friends. My family doesn't do it because they know about the problems I had during labor. My dd was the perfect baby, the only "bad" thing was the jaundice and having to put her in the bed light for 48 hours, which was hard on me not being able to hold her. But, as a previous persona stated, each child is different so I think, if I have another it will be the one to have all the issues, like colic. The biggest reason I haven't had another, I just don't want to go through all the work a little baby takes. It may be selfish but I don't care. I LIKE to sleep all night, I HATE changing diapers, I like that she eats what I do and I LOVE that my dd can talk to me to tell me what she wants or if anything is wrong. The only time I ever think I want another is when I am around a baby and get to hold it, that's when I think, oh wouldn't it be nice to have one of these again, but I am quickly reminded of the work involved.
Are you being selfish for only having one? No, it would be selfish of you to have another only because others are pressuring you.
Are brothers and sisters company? Yes they are, I am the 4th of 5 children. But I also know my family struggled financially. Right now my dd gets to do things like dance class, which neither I nor my younger sister were able to do since we didn't have the money. I get to be stage mom and plan to be room mom for her class because I do not have the responsibility of another child to prevent me from doing those things.
Next time someone suggests you have another, tell them if they are that concerned about it maybe they should have a baby to provide a playmate for your child.
Krista - posted on 05/30/2011
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It's none of your friends' business how many kids you have. That is between you and your husband, nothing else. If you hate the thought of having another child, then do not have another child. There are plenty of only children out there, and they manage just great.
So no, you're not at all being selfish. You're just being smart, in that you know what you want. It'd be stupid, not selfless, to have another child when you don't want one, just because of peer pressure.
Danielle - posted on 05/31/2011
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You are NOT selfish and to be honest, you're the opposite of it. If you had another baby right now as much as I'm sure you'd love your little one, you wouldn't be able to enjoy it quite as much since you wouldn't be prepared and committed to dealing with colic and sleepless nights and endless amounts of poopy diapers and scheduling outings around baby's sporadic naps and preparing formula and all the other stuff that comes along with it. I had my daughter unplanned when my son was just 16 months old. I love my little girl to pieces and I wouldn't change it for anything, but being completely honest I didn't enjoy her newborn stage as much as I enjoyed my sons. I spent a lot of that time with her thinking "when is it going to get easier again?" So now I feel guilty for feeling that way.
Long story short, you're smart and in the right mind set. Don't have another baby until you're ready.