Am I being selfish

Sal - posted on 07/15/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I'm going for my 20 week scan tomorrow..we have 3other children who we haven't told about no.4 yet (I had a pretty nasty miscarriage last year and we, well I, didn't want to tell anyone till after the scan at 20 weeks ,as I don't think I could cope with my 6yr olds grief if something went wrong far not selfish...
But tomorrow my husband wants my 5 &6 yr old girls to come and see the baby.. I don't want to take them, I'm totally terrified that I will find something is wrong and then I have to deal with them as well as my own feelings. I'm scared because of last time ( we hadnt told only then either) and also because I'm neàrly 40... I know they would love it but I have kept this private to save any thing going wrong and I have to explain to them, so I can't see why break it to them 1 day short.... I know they won't get to see the baby but I just don't need the extra stress of having to explain to other child Is an18 yr old boy who just isn't too interested the way little girls are , he saw his sisters but not the age to really come with mum.


Kristi - posted on 07/16/2013




First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. You must be an incredibly strong family to survive that.

I don't think you are being selfish at all. It sounds reasonable and imo, protective. What they don't know, won't hurt them, right? If they don't know about the ultrasound and you just go and have it done, they won't even know they missed anything. God forbid, worst case scenario, you will have protected them from an unspeakable tragedy.

It is wonderful to have siblings involved with their new baby brother or sister but it was not THAT long ago when parents wouldn't even have thought to bring a child to an ultrasound appointment. Once you know everything is ok, there are other ways they can "bond" with baby before he/she gets here. They can sing or tell stories to your tummy so the baby gets used to the sound of their voices. They can put earphones on your tummy and play different kinds of music to see which kind stimulates the baby.

It will be ok. You know what's best for your children.

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