Am I being too sensitive??

Anesha - posted on 12/08/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




Is this a first time mommy thing? I feel like my mom is trying to play second mommy to my son ( EDD 3/1/16). Every time she buys something, example formula, or diapers, or wipes, or clothes, they have to stay at her house "for the nights that she has him". And she claims she's helping me out but if I want to take something she BOUGHT ME for HIM. I always get that response. I already told her that I'm not letting him stay the night at ANYONE'S house for awhile. She then tells me whatever I'm gonna need her because I'm gonna need a break from him when he gets 3 months old and I NEED her to babysit,me and S/O already have a plan set up and it works perfectly. My mom is the type to have strings attached to her offerings, and she also is very overbearing. Anyways, I feel like she sees my son as an object as a way to get attention from people, she wants to have a coming home baby party when he's like a month old, so all her friends can say Ohhhh look at how handsome he is congratulations( to her not me) and so she can be the center of attention and I've seen how she is with babies she doesn't like to give them back!!!. I said no because I was advised it is flu season, and his immune system isn't ready he hasn't gotten all his vaccinations, after me telling her no about the coming home thing she never responds then posts on Facebook for ," It's not that I don't care, I'm just backing off." like W.T.F. did I Do wrong? because I don't want my sons health being compromised by him being passed around by YOUR friends that makes me a bad person? She got upset because I told her he can't stay the night ANYWHERE for at least three months because I'm breastfeeding and I'm not ready when I'm ready to let him go she will know when I do something she doesn't like she goes and tells alllll her friggin friends and family and then I'm the bad person because I'm keeping my son away from her and not giving her what she wants. Her thoughts are he's MY graaaaandson and I have rights to him too. She considers me keeping him away from her not letting him stay the night and not letting her see him on a weekly basis. She says things like oh I want him on a schedule, and I don't want him having a used traveler system (he's not I bought it already), and I don't want his name to be this I like this better, and I want him to have a crib here, and I don't want my grandson around that or this, and your not gonna be able to breastfeed and I NEED to have clothes for him here and I NEED to watch him and so on and so forth. Me and my mom have never really had a relationship like ever, so the only time she will text is for my son, when she asks "what do you need still" the real question is "what does he need, for my house?" because she again has the assumption he will always be over there, which I have told her he won't. She says It's dumb fro me to breastfeed because I'm not gonna like it. I feel like she's using my son as a second chance to be a mom again and for her to be in competition with my Aunt. When my mom found out i was having a son she tells my aunt "oh that sucks your having a granddaughter, ill let you borrow my grandson", it kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I know I'm young and hormonal but geeeez,should I just let her pout,or should I just give in?


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Dove - posted on 12/08/2015




Your kid, your call. I breastfed... none of my kids had formula (other than a handful of bottles w/ my twins at first) and none of my kids had an overnight w/ anyone until they were at least 2 years old.

Let the woman pout. Teach her now that you will NOT be manipulated into doing anything you are not comfortable w/ doing. This is your child and if anyone tried to manipulate me w/ MY children... they wouldn't see my children.

Go ahead and let her buy whatever she wants to keep at her house... but she will be the one out the money and the effort. Don't consider it stuff that she's buying for you or for the baby because doing what is in the best interest of your child is clearly not in her intentions.

Raye - posted on 12/08/2015




You do what you want... it's your child. Don't feel bad if all that stuff she bought goes unused. It's was her choice to buy it and keep it at her house knowing what you've told her... that you prefer not to let the child stay there until it's older. So she has to deal with the consequences of her decisions. She had her chance to raise children, now it's your turn. You may make mistakes, but every mother does as they learn. And every child is different, so even if your mom thinks she knows better than you, she doesn't know THIS kid. YOUR kid.

Most states do not recognize grandparent rights, and those that do usually have a lot of conditions that must be met for a grandparent to be awarded legal visitation. Generally in society, the grandparents are involved in their grandchildren's lives, but not necessarily every day or even every week. That is a personal decision within the family. Many cultures have moved away from the multigenerational household, and therefore the parents are more independent of the grandparents. It seems as though your mother is still clinging to old fashioned thinking.

You also need to consider that you might want her help at some point, and not burn bridges with her. If you don't compromise at all, then she may decide not to be there for you if you really do need her. You do need to set boundaries, and have her respect your decisions regarding your child. But you can't plan for everything, and there could come a time where you need her assistance. She seems the type that would throw in an "I told you so", but don't let that bother you. Those are her issues, not yours.

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