Am I right to tell my ex that he can only see his child through a contact centre?

Caroline - posted on 08/29/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




This is a bit long winded but please bare with me :)

I just want to see what other mums would do in my situation.

I'm 27 and have a 17 month old daughter who is my world :) her farther and I go together in 2010 and I fell pregnant 5 months later, he has two other children from a previous relationship which broke down a while back now he told me he had regular contact with his girls when there mother wasn't making it difficult for him (he used to tell me that she was a horrible person who he hated). Anyway in the weeks leading up to my 3 month scan he became distant, on the day of my scan he moved out as he told me he was hoping to feel something once he saw the baby, and that he's now realised he doesn't want a family and was seriously considering a vasectomy, he still insisted that he would love and be involved with the baby once she was here.

A week after he moved out we split up but things were still amicable between us.

Two month later I found out he had got another girl pregnant (she later lost the baby).

Things were strained between us after this and he contacted me every so often to find out how I was.

After my daughter was born things were better for a while but then he started to become unreliable for the past year I have had to deal with him being late every time he arranges to pick her up, or he doesn't turn up at all texting me later on with a different excuse as to why I'm not exaggerating, he always doesn't get payed on time or not at all but still has the money to go out drinking, he also goes on holidays very often, he seems to go through quite a few girlfriends and he can go weeks without seeing my daughter and wants to see her when it suits him. I'm not just saying this because of the situation I'm in either, he is a liar and spins me a sob story nearly every month, I have keep a log of events since dec 2011 and once I read it back to myself was shocked at the amount of times he let my daughter down! There is a lot more to this story though which I haven't put in here,

I have wrote him a letter saying I dont want to deal with him anymore as can't do with his excuses, so if he wants to see her he can arrange it in a contact centre I also attached the log I made so he could read it for himself. He is now hassassing me tell me he wants to see his daughter. What I want to know is would you have done the same or am I overreacting, and what would you do in my situation, I'm really not an unreasonable person and I'm so laied back it takes a lot to make me angry I have give him so many chances it's unreal but he just keeps letting her down I don't want her to grow up with it, I also want you to know this is NOT about the money as me and my daughter get along fine without it so I told him I do t want it any more. Please help


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Caroline - posted on 08/29/2012




Thank you for you comment this has made me feel much better, I just needed some advise from someone who is not too involved. I just need to wait and see how he responds now, thank you again :)

Gale - posted on 08/29/2012




I'm sorry you have to go through with that, no your not being unreasonable, you can tell him if he want to be a dad then be a dad, not when it suit you since he been pulling you leg for what a year now? Now he has to prove he willing to step up not before, if it hurts his ego too bad so sad, he the adult here your not his mommy, your his baby mommy and she take priority over his poor ego.

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