Am I teasing my son with his father?

Savannah - posted on 05/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I've recently been in contact with my son's father through emails. It's been about a year since I've heard from him. My son is 4, and hasn't seen his father since he was 1.5. I've talked about him being a part of his sons life, but he doesn't send birthday cards, no phone calls, no child support. Instead tattooing his sons name on his neck to join a gang was the best way to honor his kid. Ugh, urks me! He's been in and out of jails and treatment. I left him because CPS was involved for abuse and they were threatening to take my son away if I didn't leave. He has diseases, he is bipolar and schitzo-effective, very manipulative. I believe there is good in everyone and I've seen it in my sons father from time to time. Now my sons father wants to meet up at his dads place and spend time with my son and myself. I don't think it is in my son's best interest to get teased like that. It's either all or nothing.. a consistent basis or I'd rather spare my childs feelings and not introduce him to his dad. My sons father has no means to come see us 2 and half hours away. No car or drivers license, doesn't work, is just lame. And I would have the stress of obtaining their relationship, that's just impossible to do with my schedule. It breaks my heart my son not having his dad, but me and my dad do the best to make him feel loved and I don't want to ruin that. Is it wrong for me to tell my son's father no?


Louise - posted on 05/25/2012




If he wants contact he can go and get supervised visits from the courts. If you think he is serious then it is up to you. Legally he is entitled to see his son. Your son at some point will want to see his father normally when puberty hits, he will want to know his roots and who he is. If you let him see his father at this age he is always going to know he is a dead beat and the shock will not be so mind blowing as a teenager! If you prevent him from knowing his father he will rebel as a teenager against you. It is a fine line as a mother when to say no and when to expose your child to potential heart ache.

Personally I would want some rules in place first. Take things gently and see how they go. You are in control of this. Meet up with him alone first and tell him straight that if he messes your son around he wont get another chance. See how the meeting goes and then decide. But, think long term what is best for your little fella.

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