Am I the problem?

Rachael Maly - posted on 11/28/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son is 6 and in first grade. I always encourage him to do his best and work hard in school. He brings home 100's on virtually everything.Until he got one question wrong landing him a 93% on one test. He came home devastated and embarrassed to show me his test. My heart sank when I seen him like this. He had so much anxiety for the next test worrying about not getting a perfect score. I just held him and told him I am so proud of him no matter what. Did I push him to this level? God I hope not


Dove - posted on 11/28/2014




Not necessarily. Some kids (and adults) are naturally 'over achievers' and can have a lot of stress and anxiety when they perform less than perfect. On the one hand... you know they'll always strive to do their best, but on the other hand... the stress of trying to be perfect can cause them to quit DOING anything for fear of 'failure'.

If all you have done is encourage him to do his best and work hard... it's not likely you are to 'blame'. MOST parents encourage the same thing in their kids. Perhaps talking to him about a time in your life when you tried your hardest, but didn't get perfect... and learned that it was OK.. would help him. He needs to learn that there is no such thing as perfection... EVERYONE makes mistakes and you learn more from making mistakes than you do from getting it right the first time.

But... that's a lot to take on for a 6 year old. Just keep reassuring him that no matter what score he gets you are proud of him... and definitely keep an eye on the anxiety and any other concerning behavior. Counseling may end up being beneficial to him in the near future for it.

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