Am I wrong?

Florencia - posted on 02/25/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




Here's the deal. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. New have a 10 month old adorable little boy. We have been having a lot of issues, he has never cheated on me or anything. But I did find active dating accounts on his phone and such. After having my son I became really insicure. A lot of the problems are based on this, I became aware of everyone he looked at and became mean and jealous. Now, that I'm making an effort to bring myself back. It's not working. We argue about everything now . I hate it when he listens to R rated music in front of my son,or when he curses around him. Am I in the wrong?

Today for example: he has been laid off for a month now and we have been at each others throat since then. He has never asked me to work, when I would ask he would say"no baby I want you here with us".Now he is throwing it in my face that I'm doing nothing to contribute to the family :( I feel so worthless.. & I wonder...why am I here..? Ladies, I'd appreciate some advice.


Tam - posted on 02/25/2012




I'd be concerned about several things.

First, if you have lost the trust in the relationship, it is very hard to regain. Impossible, even. You've stated that you are insecure. And then you mentioned going through his phone. These are not the actions of someone in a trusting relationship.

In this case, you found active dating accounts. How is this not considered cheating? It spells intent, if not action. If I found the same on my husband's phone, I'd be either serving him papers or damn close to it.

The stress of having children can bleed into a romantic relationship, even when the kid has been around for a couple years. It's important to be on the same page when it comes to parenting - what you expose the child to, how you present yourselves as role models, etc. If he wanted you to stay at home, and now berates you for it, it seems almost abusive in a mental and emotional capacity.

I would say to go with your gut,m but that isn't good enough. Evaluate what action you should take that is best for the baby, and make plans for that.And whatever you decide to do, make sure you are committed to the path before you start to walk it, be it leaving, counseling, or staying.


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Alicia - posted on 02/26/2012




I am so sorry you are going through all of this, its very hard on everyone. Here are my opinions.

1)Dont go through his things, because then you will find something you dont want to see, I know this because Ive done the samething to my husband & have woke him up at 2 & 3am because I was upset at what I found. Is it right? No, but would you want him going through your things?

2)Work on yourself because YOU want to. He found you interesting and pretty 2yrs ago & now you have a baby together. Once you start feeling better about YOURSELF he could come around. Again I know because once I started listening and hearing his feelings about things and working on myself I became my old self. He doesnt call or text any females & if he does HE tells me...on his own.

3)If he is jobless (I dont know your man...only you do) but most me are the "provider" for the family so him not working and "providing" is probably bringing him down, stressing him out, now add a baby, bills, and everyday life. He's probably feeling the same way you are.

4)music=my husband can cuss like a sailor, however my girls know what NOT to say & I try to come up w/ silly words instead of the bad ones. They remember "good googly moo" because its funny & I say that alot instead of cussing. As long as you teach your son what will and will not be tolerated...take a big breath.

My husband and I did go through conceling and we learned ALOT about eachother and relationships. There is a really good book Love and Respect. You also need to try to plan "date nights" once a week or once every 2 weeks w/ him to show him he is first and not the baby. Chances are he is feeling less important to you because babies need lots of attention so you may not be treating him the same as you did before baby. (mine and hubbies main problem I didnt realize I was doing. Baby cries I stop what I'm doing w/ hubby to see whats wrong, kids say "mommy, mommy I'm thirsty" can wait till I'm finished w/ my converstaion w/ hubby (or aleast get to stopping point)

But above all dont forget to listen to your gut...not your heart, but what you really think is going on. My hubby never physically "cheated" on me, he talked to other women behind my back. I found out, confronted, bla bla bla, now we are GREAT & on a good road. We have been together 14 years, married 12 & I guess you could say re-married 3.

Good luck and worse case and your son will still be ok :)

[deleted account]

You found active dating sites and yet you say he hasn't cheated? I don't mean to be cruel but what color is the sky on your planet? He is being unfaithful but it's your fault because you became legitmately angry?

BTW, why wouldn't you work since you're not in a stable relationship (no you really aren't)?

Stifler's - posted on 02/25/2012




If he's been laid off then you're better off getting a job then you're out of the house and you can't be at each other's throat

Florencia - posted on 02/25/2012




Tam, thank you for your wise advise. I will take it into deep consideration. It's just really tough to deal with these sort of things. But gotta be done.

I've herd from another friend that he was mentally abusing me by saying I was a bad mom. I will talk to him and deal with this calmly, and again Thank you!

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