And They Didn't Notice.

Stacey - posted on 03/24/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )




Men are definitely living in a parallel universe.

I’m sitting here, Friday night, with my husband, Michael in the family room. We are starting a new game of chess. (Our new way to re-connect.) Joe, my sixteen year old son, Michael, and I just finished a great dinner. I made homemade chicken soup with matzah balls from scratch. The first batch of the season. The familiar ritual of Friday night soup felt completely right. The three of us, a team, laughing at some silly school story; and then there was some off colored joke told between Michael and Joe. They laugh between themselves. I am left out. I beg to hear the joke that I already know is going to annoy the shit out of me. But, of course, I need to know what they are laughing at. I push on. “Just tell me,” I plead. And in that very instant I wonder, dare they be laughing at me?

I finally tinted my way too blonde eyebrows and eyelashes today. Are they too dark? Do I look like Groucho Marx? And then Joe divulges the inside joke. Well, they certainly weren’t laughing at me. It was something else, something gross, just for guys. Not meant for my ears. But hey, I insisted. So it wasn’t my freshly tinted eyebrows and eyelashes they were laughing about. Neither, Michael or Joe even noticed. I’m astonished. I’m hurt. I look so different, or so I thought. Don’t they see how much better I look? "Hello, I just made a change to my face!"

Then I think back to last month…I went and had my hair weaved and trimmed. I splurged on myself and I was feeling really excited about my new appearance. Michael and Joe just sat at the table, enjoying every bite of the dinner that I made with my bare hands (actually, it was lasagna from a box, but who needs to know that?) and they continued joking around and watching yet another basketball game. Sometimes I really hate that television! Am I not here? Again, I think, “Hello?” "What’s up, am I invisible?" I anxiously waited for someone to notice my hair. I thought I looked amazing, at least one year younger! I know I looked distinctively different than the day before. But, still they didn’t notice. And I decided not to say a word. Michael doesn’t need to know about the $200.00 it cost him. He’d definitely give me a hard time about the price. That, he would notice!

As I contemplate my disgust with these two men in my life, I remember another episode of feeling invisible. One of my friends, Lori, who by the way is a fabulous esthetician, gave me this incredible facial. My face shined for a whole day. My cheeks were rosy and in my humble opinion, I was sparkling. Again, neither one of them noticed me. Neither of them said a single word. Michael and Joe just carried on, making dumb ass jokes, watching sports and eating my taco dinner. I can’t help but wonder, whom do they see when they look at me? I’m sitting at the same table for heaven’s sakes, but I feel so alone.

Here I go again, over-analyzing the fact that no one in this house seems to really see me. I can’t help but feeling deep down that I could have a paper bag over my head and as long as there was food on the table and sports on the television, there could be anyone under the bag. It’s as though I’m totally invisible. I still wonder though, would they even notice the paper bag?


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Jackalope - posted on 03/24/2015




Stacey, it's just a troll, ignore it.

My husband never notices when I get anything done to my hair, unless it's really drastic (going from having long hair, to a mohawk for example). So you're not alone.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/24/2015




Nicely written, however I'd say that you're a bit oversenitive. (and spendy, but you're not my spouse)

Men don't notice things. Its not that they're assholes, they just don't. If you want notice, ask "hey, what do ya think"? Then, be prepared for very honest (sometimes hurtful) answers. That cut you think is totes adorbs? They think looks funny...or something like that.

Other than that, I'd have to say that I've got much better things to spend $200 on besides a weave and a trim...But that's me.

Stacey - posted on 03/24/2015




I apologize and did not mean any disrespect to this forum. However, I did think that was a place for moms to blog about mom situations.

Raye - posted on 03/24/2015




Men are in another universe. They don't notice subtle. And they don't notice things that should be glaringly obvious. I once dyed my hair purple, and my BF of the time didn't notice. You're not alone by feeling invisible. If it's really bothering you, you should calmly and non-accusingly talk to your husband about taking more notice of the things you do to provide for the family and look good for him. Maybe he just needs a little nudge, because he doesn't know it bothers you.

I also want to point out that this is not a writing forum. Your stories are fine, but too long, and many people won't take the time to read them to find out if there's a problem that needs advice somewhere in there. So they are just not appropriate for this forum. This is for moms to give advice to other moms. If you have questions about how to handle these situations, then please provide a short description and ask for advice. If you want to post your anecdotal stories, you should find another avenue to do so.

91canderson - posted on 03/24/2015




I often wonder what do people really notice. Thanks for sharing your story I really feel like someone understands me.

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