Any advice on how to handle a very insecure husband who is making me insecure?

Lori - posted on 11/16/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Ladies, Can you please offer any advice on dealing with an insecure husband? He is 47 years old and looks older I am in my mid 30's and look younger. He has made me an emotional wreck. I got my degree in from college roughly 12 years ago, got married to him, had a child. Stayed-at-home the last 10 years. Sorry for the poor grammar, I am writing in tangents. He doesn't like me looking at other men, looking at people in restaurants at all, no people watching. He doesn't like me having a life unless he knows all about it. I've had a couple jobs here and there that could have been good. But, he would make comments like they don't treat you right, they don't pay you enough, that guy is a womanizer. This and that. He is demeaning. He will say "your whole life you've made major mistakes" "you can't make decisions" "you screw up all the time." Mind you our daughter is a straight A student, gifted and talented, house always crystal clean, good food on the table, bills paid, everything organized. I said to him "You aren't perfect, you make mistakes in life too." He will say "No, I try not to make mistakes and yes I try to be perfect." It's like dealing with a 10 year old. I will say "Wow, there is a XYZ college football game today, let's go." He'll say "No, there isn't they are done playing the season is over." Even though I attended XYZ flipping college and know they have a damn game that's on the flipping schedule. He'll never admit to being wrong, ever. Basically, he's a control freak ass. That thinks by controlling and demeaning that is love. I'm tired of it. I don't want to lose the house, our daughter, start over in my mid 30's. Any advice. Please be HONEST and PULL NO PUNCHES. Let me have it ladies. What am I doing wrong? He makes me doubt myself, sexually I don't work anymore, and I feel like I can't effing boil water right anymore. He also thinks that women can be demeaned constantly and then work sexually, sorry at least I don't work that way. Thanks!


View replies by

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/16/2013




That is abusive, I think it'll only get worse. He's going to feel more and more worse about himself as he ages. No one handles it well but he shouldn't be treating you that way. I mean geeze you married him. Unless you were gawking at some other guy he shouldn't worry at all.
Would he possibly be up for marriage counseling? And if he's worried about how he looks he should do something about it.
in his case you may have to treat him like an insecure woman, make him feel good about he looks, lots of compliments, get his hair cut and buy him a nice outfit and take him out for a romantic dinner.

Either way at the end of the day you can only take so much before you explode so he better change his bashing ways to 1-up himself to make himself seem better because it sucks living a jealous life and it doesn't make him look too good at all.

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2013




He is abusive!!!!
Abuse isn't just physical, emotional abuse is a lot worse, no one sees the scars and they last a lot longer than the bruises. I was with a verbally abusive man and it has taken me 8 years (after I left) to stand up and be the woman I know I am.
In my honest opinion, you need to leave. No one has the right to treat someone else like that, he's not insecure, he want's to CONTROL everything.
Stop thinking that YOU are in the wrong, it's HIM!!!!! You wrote it in this line: "Basically, he's a control freak ass."
Starting over in your mid 30's is a lot better than starting over in your 50's. My Mother has stayed with a horrible man just because she wants her house and she has a miserable life. She has lost her spark and is not the mother I grew up with. Do you want your daughter to grow up and marry someone like your husband? By staying you are teaching her that that is what a marriage should be like, a controlling husband and just accepting it.
A house is just a house, respecting yourself and taking control of your life is a lot more rewarding.
Sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear but you did tell us to be honest with you. I have been in your position as well as seeing my mother go through it. I believe that us women are strong and need to stand up and demand respect. Men aren't the gods they think they are, they wouldn't be anything without us women by their side.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms