Any advice or stories from young/ single mothers or fathers?

Shay - posted on 11/06/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I moved to a new city last year. I met a guy who seemed to be an "almost perfect guy". He said the right things did the right things and i truly believed he was a great guy. My friends told me he was just playing with me but I wanted to give him a chance. He's the kind of guy who knows he's attractive and has sleeps with numerous amounts of women (which i didn't know at the time). He told me he wasn't the guy my friends made him to be. Turns out he was. What a surprise. But I should've been more careful and taken things slower. Anyways he ended up hooking up with some girl in front of me and that was the end of that. We stopped talking and we both moved on. A month later I found out i was pregnant. I considered terminating the pregnancy because people around me (including him) told me it was the best thing to do and because there was no connection between the father and I. You're suppose to fall in love, get married then have children. It is incredibly hard to be a single mom and its bad thing. My life will be over. Im too young to have a baby. Im not ready. These are the things my family here was telling me and part of my family was trying to shove abortion down my throat. I almost considered it but then I thought if i terminated the pregnancy it would only be because people told me too not because i wanted too.

Ive decided to keep the baby and I want to be a single mom if thats what it comes down too and its not a bad thing. Yeah it'll be hard but its possible and I want to give this baby a chance at life and I'll do the best I can to ensure it has a great one. Im only 20 haven't got a clue what i want to do with my life but what I do know is that I love this baby. Ive been trying everything to change my life around to prepare for this journey and I'm making progress. My family is accepting everything now and I have a lot of support around me.

The father now wants to be apart of the child's life which I'm very happy about. But this whole situation is so messy and confusing. We've been hanging out now and i have the most confused feelings towards him. I keep my guard up, I don't let him get close to me and I don't trust him. He is only trying to be nice to me because of this situation and I hate that. I don't know what to do. He tries to flirt and touch me but its not real. I am open to trying things again since we are having a child together but How do you even do that? Maybe we should just be friends? Im not sure what the right thing is to do. Its hard to just be friends when we had a small history already. He's good with women obviously, he knows what to say and how to act. I just feel like everything he says and does isn't genuine its just an act just like the one he played at first. He intimidates me. I feel he hates me deep down inside and thinks I'm ruining his life. Its not my fault. It takes two to have a baby and I know he feels trapped because I want to keep it. He wants adoption but I can't even consider that. Its not an option for me, I would rather do this all on my own.

He is however changing his life for this baby. By working more, thinking about what to do and whats right for this baby, not partying and hooking up with women (that i know of) and possibly moving back in with his parents. He's even mentioned things like " what if we just live together for a few years for the baby then go our separate ways later" But that makes no sense? I feel it would just be forced and miserable because he doesn't actually want to do that. I might even be miserable with that.. Who knows what would happen we don't even know each other. He does text me everyday to see how I am and asks me to hang out so he is trying but I just don't know what to do.

I was suppose to move back home to be with my mother and her side of the family for their love and support but if he wants shared custody I can't just up and leave with our baby but I also don't want to stay I don't have very much here and my family here isn't really that supportive of my decision. He originally said he wanted no rights to the child and no financial obligations which is awful. And partially why i planned to move home. I get this is a big and hard decision so I understand that he's going through a lot. I just want whats best for this baby.

How did you other young/single mom's do it? Does anyone have any similar stories or any advice you can give? I feel very alone even though I'm not. And this relationship between the father and I is eating me alive. I just want to do the right thing for the baby whether that be trying with him or let things be or any other advice or experience you can give. Also how does child support work? If i have the child 50% of the time and the father has the child 50% of the time am i still entitled to child support if i make less? And if I do have the baby in another city do I legally have to move back to where he is?


Raye - posted on 11/06/2015




The laws in each state are different, so you may want to speak with a lawyer or legal aid.

My personal opinion is that you tell him that any romantic relationship between you and him is not going to happen. Any future relationship is ONLY as co-parents to the child. When the baby is born, get custody established for you, and set up a visitation schedule for the father. That way, you both will know what his rights are, if he chooses to want to see his child. Also file for child support. It took two to conceive a baby, and both parents are financially responsible for it. It's not being greedy. It's what his child is legally entitled to. If you have 50/50 custody, and you make significantly less, then yes, he would still have to pay you support.

If you move before the baby is born, I'm not sure what a judge might do if the father took it to court for his rights. If you choose to move after the child is born, then legally you will should have the father's consent and appropriate visitation orders to accommodate the distance. You didn't say how far away your mom/family was from where he is. Your child does have a right to know and form a relationship with both it's parents, if both parents are willing.

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