Are you a (new or old) full-time stepmom? How's it going?

Puliti - posted on 02/02/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )




I'm interested in finding out who's become, been or is a stepmom. I'd love for us to share advice, strategies, rants :) How is your relationship with you step son/daughter(s) and your husband?

Don't worry, I'll share too!

I've been with my husband for nearly 4 years, married for 5 months so far. He has a 9 year old daughter that he used to share joint custody of with his ex-wife. He would have her on Mondays and Wednesdays. In this past August, he and I moved in together. Of course, right after he and I signed the lease, he found out that his ex-wife was making . . . um poor choices and he now has temporary full custody of his daughter while seeking to make it final.

Now during the years that he and I dated, I never really was around his daughter since he only had two days with her and I didn't want to crowd. So to go to full-time daughter time out of nowhere when my hubby works 50+ and get used to being a wife, getting to know her, and pretty much raising her with little to no appreciation from her, her father or his ex (not that I expected it from her, but her attitude & insecurity doesn't help. After all it was the crazy things that she decided to do that put us all into this situation) Anyway, I unfortunately realized that I strongly dislike her. Ungrateful, so spoiled, lazy and thinks we are all meant to bend over backwards for her. I've always been very strong-willed so being a doormat just won't happen with me. As a step-mom, I've learned that you are expected to just go with the flow a lot and not speak up. Nope. Not going to happen. Sorry.

Life is a whirlwind right now and I'm honestly not happy and I feel that my marriage is so strained. I'm tired, my husband's tired and I haven't been happy since we moved in together because I feel trapped doing things with my life that I didn't/don't want to do and have little to no say in. I care about my step-daughter and her well-being but I don't like her or love her. Harsh, but it's the truth. I've spent enough time feeling bad about that before just accepting that that's how I've come to be as a stepmom. At least I care enough to be nice to her, feed her, help her with homework, etc. Does anyone else feel this way about their step-children?

And honestly, was it really fair for my husband to dump all this responsibility on me without at least a conversation about what he needed from me and what I could give? I have no opposition to her living with us, of course, but he knew he would barely be at home to take care of her when he decided to go for full custody and he also knew that he would have to rely on me to do the bulk of the house and child care. He knows me better than anyone so he knows I don't particularly enjoy being expected to do certain things, especially something so important and BIG (especially at my age:21). I wonder if all that has added to my feelings about everything. Would love some advice on that and anything else anyone thinks would help my situation run smoothly.

Whew :) Well feel free to share,vent, comfort, etc. We step-moms have one of the hardest jobs out there and we should probably stick together. Thanks for your time!

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