S - posted on 01/26/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )
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When I found out I was pregnant with my son more than 8 years ago, the biological father didn't want him. (We were also quite young at the time too) After telling me to abort the baby, I said no and he left. When I was 5 months pregnant, I ended up meeting someone, who eventually was there for me and acted as my son's father. He was there from appointments, to birth of the baby to raising him as his own. 4 years later, I put his name on the birth certificate. 2 years after that, he ended up becoming a casino addict and we broke up.
I have been raising my son on my own for 2 years, and Money has been much tighter than I thought it would be, and I am looking for child support. I have asked for support from the ex bf who is on the birth certificate, but now he says he's broke and wants his name off the certificate to avoid me asking for child support and would like me to pursue asking the real dad for support. I am considering this too. More so for education wise. My son is now 8 years old and I have not asked for a single penny from him (the bio dad).
My question is, is this situation possible to fix? Is it possible for me to ask the biological father for support? If I do, does that mean he will get custody of him? I need to know what he pros and cons are of all this. I want to go to see the Maintenance Enforcement people, but the birth certificate is what's holding me back.
If someone can please help me out, I would appreciate it. Thank you.
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Jen - posted on 01/26/2015
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You can ask for child support and it won't effect the custody since there not in your son's life but, to ask which dad to get support from is hard cause you didn't put the bio dad on the certificate. I would say to ask a lawyer about what to do about that for they will help you with what to do but you can ask for support.
♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/26/2015
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Well, I was encouraged until your last statement: "If there is a chance he can get custody or partial...I may not pursue"...
Honey, sorry, but you slept with the man, and together you created a child. He quite obviously does know about the kid, and from the sounds of it, would probably like to be the father. He's got every right in this world to file his own petitions for custody, etc, and state that you've willfully kept the child from him. And, at this point, he'd technically have a case.
Your best legal bet is to establish paternity and get a custody and support order in motion. If he does want visitation, he's got the right to request it. A lot of men, initially, panic and don't want the baby, only to change their minds and grow up...
Jen - posted on 01/26/2015
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It's always best to get legal help from a lawyer for they will help but if your ex boyfriend only sees him for a few weeks at a time then you my just have either joint custody or you may have full with visitation but defiantly talk to a lawyer
Ledia - posted on 01/26/2015
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If you are in the US, you need to talk to a lawyer. It is illegal to knowingly put someone's name on the birth certificate who is not the biological father. If he legally adopted your son, that is different, and he could still be held accountable for child support, but his name still wouldn't be on the Birth Certificate because only biological parent's names are to be on the birth certificate.
Disregarding all of that, if you want support from the biological father, you can file for child support from him through family court. Because he is not on the birth certificate, you will have to prove paternity, which means that you will pay for a DNA test, if he refuses to take one, you can have one court ordered. Then the court will make a ruling on how much support he is responsible for. Child support and custody are two separate things, so your child support ruling will not affect your custody agreement. However, if you do not have a court ordered custody agreement yet, the biological father will have the same custody rights you do once he proves paternity, so it is best to file for custody as well as support.
♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/26/2015
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First, how were you even able to add your boyfriend to a birth certificate without proving his paternity? Serious red flags already...
Establish paternity, and then ask for support. REALIZE that support and custody/visitation are not the same, and UNDERSTAND that, if you pursue support, you can expect to have visitation and eventually possibly shared custody granted. The street goes both ways. You want support, he'll probably want to be involved with the kid.