Attitude problems with an 8 year old...

Kari - posted on 10/03/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




Anyone have any suggestions on what we can do to correct my 8 year olds attitude and backtalking to us? Almost everytime we talk to him he has to argue or back talk to us. We've taken away just about everything from video games to his cartoons. We have him in Tae Kwon Do to help with his ADHD but we have yet to see the benefit of this as he just started about 8 weeks ago. Every morning is a fight with him to get up and get dressed and ready for school. I wake him up at 6 before i get a shower, then his alarm goes off at 6:30. When i come back down around 6:35 he's still in bed. I have to yell and scream at him to get him up and dressed. We almost miss the bus every day. Any ideas what we can do?


Shannintipton - posted on 10/05/2011




Thank you for writing this thread Kari. I could of sworn you were talking about my 8 year old. I use to have a battle with getting him up every morning. I would yell and scream. Then it donned on me I was expecting him to wake up and jump out of bed. I dont do that so why should he. I wake him up gently two or three times and then we get up. It works really well for me. I still have other issues with back talk. And rude comments he makes to me, but I know where he is getting that. Thanks Daddy. I am dealing with that now. Good Luck

JuLeah - posted on 10/03/2011




Try backing off. Too many words, too much information coming in at once, too many sight sounds ....

If he earns consequences, let him keep them

Don't micro manage - so the alarm clock goes off (at this age why would you be getting him up at all?) He gets up, or he doesn't

He misses the bus and walks, or pays you for a ride - then deals with the consequences at school for being late - odds are he won't be late too many times

Make sure he is getting enough sleep - 10 0r 11 hrs - make sure he is not eating sugar stuff before bed. Blood sugar levels crash in the night making mornings hard

Don't ever use ADHD as an excuse for anything - it makes some things more challenging, some things easier - we all have stuff we deal with and we all figure out how to make it work

You never HAVE to yell at him, that is a choice

Tae Kwon Do is great - more so if he is at a quality dojo where kids are really asked to earn their belts - but it takes weeks, months, years to see the full impact - this is a long term investment.. when he is 18 and going for his black belt - that when this will pay off

Also, almost miss the bus - being yelled at - stressing out people around you - making everyone angry ... fun times indeed. For a kid who needs action, and stim, and edge of seat drama ... nothing better then learning how to set people off .... not saying he is doing this cause he is mean or a brat ... but maybe it is how his brain works - this kind of energy is like brain candy and you feed him every morning


View replies by

Neva - posted on 10/08/2011




yes the token jar tied to his video games would be an excellent reward system.

Kari - posted on 10/05/2011




I have been waking him up at 6 when i get up, turn on his light and tell him Ok its 6am, in a little while your alarm will go off, you need to get up and get going when it goes off. I then go up to take my shower, get my other son up and ready then come back down and get him up again. He sometimes decide to finally crawl out of bed around 6:45-6:50. At this point is when things start to get bad because then we are trying to rush to get going as we have to be out the door by 7:10 as his bus comes at 7:15. Today was actually a good day for us. His dad finally decided after all this time that he will get up and help me! He got up and got dressed and we even had time to spike his hair before having to leave!

Amy - posted on 10/05/2011




My son loves it if I wake him up by singing a fun song, rubbing his back or something equally soothing for a min or basically the way we would want to wake up! I would be super grouchy if I was woken up by being yelled at ;)

Kari - posted on 10/04/2011




He does typically go to bed between 8 and 8:30. We do set out clothes the night before so its easy for him to get ready. His bookbag is packed the night before so all he has to do is grab it.

I appreciate everyone's imput on how I can try to help my son. I'm not sure which I'm going to try first. I'm almost thinking the token jar. He loves his video games would this be a good reward to give him back with his tokens? We don't have alot of money to go out and buy him new things like he would like so I was thinking about his xbox or ds as a reward.

Neva - posted on 10/03/2011




First of all, what time is he going to bed? A lot of children these days aren't getting enough sleep and this can make ADHD sypmtoms worse. He should be getting at least 10 hours of sleep at night. If he's getting up at 6:30 then he should be in bed between 8 and 8:30 p.m. I would also set up a reward system such as a star chart or a token jar. Every time he gets up and gets dressed on his own, he gets a star or a token in his jar. When he gets a weeks worth of tokens or stars, then he gets a reward. If he doesn't get dressed on his own, then a token gets taken out of the jar, so that it takes him longer to get his reward. This way, the consequence both positive and negative is entirely on him. I also would not argue back with him. If you tell him to do something, and he doesn't do it, and he starts to argue, then say, I'm not going to argue, that's a token taken away. I would also have him lay out what he's going to wear the night before and get all of his books and school supplies ready to go the night before, so that it takes the decision making process away early in the morning, so that all he has to do is put on the clothes he's already picked out (give him a choice of 2 outfits if decisions are hard for him) and his stuff is already to go so he doesn't have to go hunting for them in the morning.

[deleted account]

My entire family deals with ADHD. I have a nephew that sounds exactly like your son. He is still having a hard time with certain issues. He is almost 12, still has outbursts and backtalking. My sister has finally learned to ignore the outburst, and wait till he is calm and she will explain to him what she wants from him. He in turn will slow down and think things through. Yelling at him and taking his stuff away do nothing because he can tune it out and entertain himself with a shoestring and paperclip. She in turn will set goals for him and will in turn reward him for reaching these goals.
Hope this helps.

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