Babys Father is not stepping up

Britton - posted on 09/25/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )




I need some advice, i live in NC i am 3 months pregnant, since day one of finding out i was pregnant the baby's father has #1 tried to get me to get an abortion, #2 gone and ran into another relationship #3 lies to everyone will not tell anyone about the baby #4 has no support or really shown up, he texts. Now this being someone that i loved at one time and am trying to get over at the time all while pregnant i have given him chance time and time again. He has no respect for me or this situation, he says that he will accept it when he knows everything will be ok.. im 3 months pregnant, i think its ok to accept that everything will be ok. He and his new girlfriend party and do recreational drugs all the time. How would you handle this, i am a 30 year old, well established stable soon to be mother that this is my life. I don't know how to handle this, can i completely cut him out, its not as if he is 100% on board now. Any advice or opinions of those that have gone through similar would really help me out. Thank you in advance.


Ev - posted on 09/25/2013




I have to agree with Jodi on this one. I do not agree; however with the other poster. Running away never solved problems and even if you found a man that loved you and your child, the bio father is still out there. The bio father has rights just as much as you do and will use them if he so chooses to. You can not make him give up his rights to his child no more than he can make you do that either. As Jodi said, you need to get custody, visitation, and support orders set when the baby is born. You also need to work with the father of your child on all this too and be the bigger person if you have to. Bend over backwards to make sure you get all that your child needs and is entitled to.

As Jodi also pointed out, being with the man must not have been that bad. You chose him for the father of your child and now you do have to deal with him. I hate saying this but I wish people would just think a bit before they got intimate because there are so many kids born to sets of parents that constantly fight over who gets the kid/kids and who does not, who is better and who is not, about what child support is for, and about visitation issues. If you do not want to have to fight over kids with someone, maybe you should not be sleeping with them.

Jodi - posted on 09/25/2013




No, you can't completely cut him out if he isn't on board now. As biological father, if he wishes to file for joint custody or visitation, he can. I would also advise that a child has the right to a relationship with both parents, which is why the courts will usually grant joint custody or visitation. I understand you are angry and hurt, but you can't decide to cut him out of the baby's life because of how you feel about him. 18 years is a long time. That's how long this man will now be in your life in some way or another. You are putting him down to the extreme in this post, telling us all the bad horrible things, but apparently you thought he was the bees knees a few months ago. So he can't be that bad, right? So you need to think of your baby's right to get to know its dad.

I am not saying you need to be with him, just that you need to keep your cool and allow him in your baby's life. File for custody (with visitation) and child support once the baby is born and just treat your relationship with this man as purely about the child.


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Dove - posted on 09/27/2013




For many men (certainly not all) it isn't real or 'safe' until the baby is actually here. If he and his girlfriend are drug users.... start documenting anything and everything. After the baby is born you go to court and get a custody, visitation, and child support order set up... using whatever evidence you have obtained to try and get supervised visitations if you feel that is in your child's best interest. Then you love and raise your baby. Whether or not he steps up at that point is all on him.

Julie A - posted on 09/27/2013




Briton, I do not mean run away and keep the baby away from him. I'm saying You need to get out of the relationship, that's my advice. When i left my sons dad it was the best thing ive ever done. In the end, he was more of a negative influence for my son. It was very sad and stressed me out so much. I did not mean run and hide, it's just a saying.

Julie A - posted on 09/25/2013




Congrats on your pregnancy! It's not about you anymore, so you're going to have to do what's best for the little one. I would leave him and FAST! If he has no respect for you?!? Forget it! You deserve a real man that will love you and your baby. Be patient and just try to do what's best and I promise good things will come.. Good luck

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