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bad tantrum

Robyn - posted on 02/15/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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my son is 4 this year and he is spiting all the time and saying bad words and whan he ask me to get him somthing he stand there and keeps on saying do it now what do i do

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Kate CP - posted on 02/15/2009

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Quoting Christina:



Please don't misunderstand my post. I am not promoting putting gross things into a childs mouth to stop the language. I was only suggesting "safer" options to the method of soap.






I completely agree that the children learn from our example and that may be the first thing that needs to be addressed.





Oh, no I get where you're coming from. I would much rather put a natural alternative in a kid's mouth than soap. That stuff is just scary. 



I'm just a little shocked at all the moms who are suggesting shoving soap in the kid's mouth to stop cursing. I mean, think of it this way: You're in a new country where you don't speak the language very well so you just mimick what other people are saying. But every time you mimick this one word they give you really awful glares, yell at you for it, and then shove this foul tasting stuff in your mouth. 



But, if instead of them having that reaction they explained to you that certain words in their culture are not appropriate to use in public and they made an effort, a true hard effort, to use appropriate words around you to help you learn the language it would make your life a lot easier. 



Kids are people, too. Adults deserve respect and so do children.

Kate CP - posted on 02/15/2009

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I am shocked...truly shocked. Shoving something that tastes gross into a kid's mouth is probably not the best way to get them to stop saying a certain word. Something to consider: children watch us CONSTANTLY. So you have to ask yourself "Who in my family is using these words? Who in my family is not being polite when asking for something?" You should lead by example, not by force.
The next time your son asks you for something and he starts demanding it calmly say "I will not tolerate this behavior any more. I will not help you until you ask me nicely and say please." and then ignore him until he does it. He's going to throw a huge fit-I'm just warning you now. Put him in a time out in his room for up to 4 minutes and when the timer rings explain the new rules to him:
"I do not like it when you don't ask nicely. It hurts my feelings when you are rude to people. It is not appropriate to spit and I will not accept this behavior any more. In my house you may not use bad language any more. Every time I hear you use bad language you will have a privilege taken away like watching TV or having a cookie after dinner. Do you understand my rules?" and make sure he can explain the rules in his own words so you know he understands. Your next task is to change your way of living around the house: everyone must always say please and thank you and excuse me-there can be no exceptions. Everyone in the house has to change their language if you want your son to change his. For more info on Montessori teaching methods: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori

Claire - posted on 02/15/2009

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i had the same problem with my son..the best way i got round it was putting him a step and telling him to stay there...everytime he moved i made him stay there longer...it's hard work but he learnt in the end...with the bad mouth i'd scared him with soap

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Holly - posted on 02/15/2009

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I would be more concerned on where the little one is hearing all these words and where the spitting is coming from that is learned behavior, you should be talking to your sitter and watching every thing that comes out of your mouth and other family members...good luck it definately is a hard habit to break, my hubby is aweful with that!

Liz - posted on 02/15/2009

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Children are little sponges at all ages and do pickup everything we say and do.  Parents also have to teach their children that just because an adult does or says something it also doesn't make it ok for a child to do so.  No one is saying that putting something "gross" into a child's mouth is the most effective way to get him to stop.  What do you do when the child is tired of sitting up in his/her room and still comes down and says whatever it is they feel like?  You just bounce them around from time out corner to corner to corner.  I've watched moms do this time and time again.  I hope that you find a remedy for the behavior your child is expressing and Good Luck!

Christina - posted on 02/15/2009

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Please don't misunderstand my post. I am not promoting putting gross things into a childs mouth to stop the language. I was only suggesting "safer" options to the method of soap.



I completely agree that the children learn from our example and that may be the first thing that needs to be addressed.

Malinda - posted on 02/15/2009

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Where did he learn the behavior and the words from? I'm sure you don't go around spitting and dropping f-bombs everywhere, but I do want to say that it's important that we set a good example for our children. If you don't want him using words, don't use them yourself.

As for the rest of it, I think ignoring is a powerful tool. If you react to the words, he will use them more. If you react to the spitting, he will do it more. If you give in to the demands, he will demand more. We have Time Out, and spitting would be an automatic Time Out for us. The demands would be flat out ignored until a polite request and an apology is made. The words would garner a "we don't use those words in our family" warning and then a time out. I'm personally against putting something potentially harmful or painful in a child's mouth. As someone else pointed out, children don't learn anything from this.

Christina - posted on 02/15/2009

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Quoting Amy:

Just put liquid soap on your finger and wipe it on his tongue - he can't spit it out and the taste stays for awhile - it won't take long to stop that - and he is 4 and learning his boundries!



Please check the ingredients of the soap you are using to make sure it is safe to ingest....

Dawn - posted on 02/15/2009

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tell him you,ll get it when he asks nicely n politly and dont give in to him i know its hard coz we give in to them for a bit peace but its no good giving in to them in the long run you have to dicipline him annd tell him only naughty childre spit but dont worry all kids do it

App+7mnejhu - posted on 02/15/2009

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Just put liquid soap on your finger and wipe it on his tongue - he can't spit it out and the taste stays for awhile - it won't take long to stop that - and he is 4 and learning his boundries!

Lily - posted on 02/15/2009

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If he sees that his words bother you he'll use them as a weapon against you. I agree with the putting him on a step and not letting him move until he behaves... even an eggtimer would help, everytime he adds a do it or a bad word, say nothing, just add another minute on the eggtimer... he'll get the picture that you're not going to get mad, or give him what he wants until he stops the behaviour that's bothering you... then later when he's calm maybe ask him why he uses those words and explain why you don't like them and why you will not accept them in your home.

Christina - posted on 02/15/2009

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PLEASE don't put soap in his mouth. There are so many chemicals we are exposing our children to already why make matters worse. I totally agree with Liz on using vinegar or even a dab of hot sauce will work without the caustic effects of chemicals.



As far as the demanding from him.. what worked from my end with my daughter was to get on her level tell her I don't like her choice of words, she isn't allowed to talk that way and I am not going to listen until she says/asks nicely. Walk away! Do not let the screaming or crying get to you and eventually they will see that you aren't going to let them walk over you that way. Once they are quiet you can ask quietly "what was it you wanted to say?" If the bad mouth starts again... repeat the method.. It may take a few times.



It worked for me, I hope it works for you. Best of luck! It can be hard, just remember.. you are the adult!

Angie - posted on 02/15/2009

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I used the liquid soap on a toothbrush method. I told them I was washing the dirty words out of their mouths. I only had to do it once or twice and that was the end of that.

Liz - posted on 02/15/2009

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My son had potty mouth for a little bit.  I found out that a tsp vinegar puts an end to that very quickly.  I'm sure it will cure the spitting as well.  Everytime he opened his mouth and used a potty word.  The spoon went in.  Soap can harm a child if used for a long period of time.  Vinegar is not harmful to them It just tastes so yucky.  I didn't have to do it for too long before he stopped. 

Robyn - posted on 02/15/2009

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hi yeah i think he needs to go to daycare ive got 3 kids so i dont know with my husband at work he is a chef

Patricia - posted on 02/15/2009

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Hmmm interesting. I am not sure that washing someone's mouth out with soap really helps or teaches them anything. I remember getting my mouth washed with soap (liquid ivory soap to be honest)...and it really didn't help. I think my Mom thought she was doing the best thing when really caused more problems down the road... the damage parents can do...

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