Becoming a single mom....Scared!

Carol - posted on 04/28/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )





I would love some advice! I am 16 weeks pregnant and my significant other decided to end our relationship because he is not ready to be a father. He has really hurt me by taking on a very negative attitude and decided that since I want to have the baby he should "punish me" and "show me" how hard this will be without his help.

Every attempt at communication has failed because he still insists on the termination, but I do want this baby. I am 31 and he is 36. It will be our first child. I am completely heartbroken, and I know I must move on, but I am scared. I know I can do this without him, but I do need some encouragement. I am going to stay with my family since he also "forced" me out of the house since he owns it. Please tell me being a single mom is possible....

Thank you!



Nicole - posted on 05/04/2015




Hi Carol,

I became a single Mom at 19 and while it is hard it is also totally doable! It sounds like you have a good family support system behind you and that is great!! Also, look to make friends with your child's friends parents (eventually, of course). They will be a great asset in the coming years! One thing to help you stay positive and one thing made me glad I was a single Mom, was that I didn't have to compromise my parenting values with a partner in any way shape or form. I constantly listened to friends and other parents complain about their spouse/significant others and counted my lucky stars many times over that I didn't have to worry about those things. It was just me and my little one and we were happy as could be :) To this day we are super close and now I am 32, married and expecting again and I have to say, it is MUCH MUCH harder this time around and I have all those complaints about my spouse that I listened to others say before. So, just soak it in and love your little one and put them first and you will be just fine.

Raye - posted on 04/30/2015




Right now, you have to start thinking about what's best for your child, and that may be something different than what you are comfortable with. Getting custody for you and visitation for the father set up in court is almost a MUST if you want to try to reduce drama later on. If you don't got to court, then the father could change his mind later, come take the baby, charge you with parental alienation, and he could be awarded full custody. It would be your word against his, because nothing was agreed on in court prior to that. You would have to go to court anyway and fight to get your child back from a position where HE would have the advantage. Don't leave yourself vulnerable like that. Getting custody and visitation through the court when the child is born would most likely give YOU more of an advantage, and lets each parent know what rights they have when making decisions about the child. Then, if the father tries anything outside of the court orders, then you take his ass back to court for contempt.

As far as child support... well, that's really your choice. However, if you need to get any sort of government assistance then they will require you to name the father, get a DNA test, and file for child support to lessen the burden on the government. Even if you can manage financially, and don't need support for daily expenses, you could save that money for the child's education. Shouldn't your child have every advantage they can for a successful future? It is not being selfish or being a gold-digger to file for child support. The father may find ways to get out of paying some of it, but that just shows he's a jerk and cares nothing about his child.

You can do this on your own. But the smart way to be successful at doing it alone is to not do EVERYTHING alone. Do not let pride get in the way. It is not weakness to get help. Do not let your ex get into your head and try to manipulate you into making things harder for yourself when they don't need to be. It is so horrible when people think they have to be vindictive and punish the other parent. They not only do that, but they hurt the child as well. The child should have the chance to form relationships with both parents, see both their parents happy (whether together or not), and be raised with love. Sadly, that seems a rarity.

Jodi - posted on 04/28/2015




Well, it's a bit late for him to decide he doesn't want to be a father. The fact is, whether he is an active part in that child's life or not, he is still its father.

My suggestion to you is to talk to a lawyer. As soon as the baby is born, you can file for custody, and if he isn't interested in the child, then that's on him. You should also file for child support. He has an obligation to provide financial support for this child whether he wants to participate in its life or not. If he doesn't want to be a father, then he should have taken precautions around that. But that ship has now sailed, so he has to suck it up.

And you will do fine.Single parenthood isn't easy, but parenthood in general is not easy. It seems you have great family support, so you will get through.


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Becky - posted on 05/07/2015




I was a single mom at 16. The father walked out when I was 6 months pregnant. He told me that he was too young (18) and he had his whole life in front of him. Instead of picking his moronic statement to pieces, I had a moment of clarity. I made every choice up to that point so why stop just because my boyfriend wanted to give up. So I did just that. I went to school, and work up til I delivered. Then I took medical leave with the baby. In the US that was only 6 weeks but if your in other countries I have heard it's much longer. I reached out to churches for assistance and since I was working I didn't qualify for government aid but I did get on wic. That helped cause my daughter had to be on formula cause she had a problem suckling and it just helped alot. You can do it. There are lots of programs and agency's that want to help but remember it's hard you have to be both parents. If you have family that will help use their help same with friends . But at the end of the day you are the one that child needs. I hung up my party hat, no going shopping with my friends whenever I wanted. I truly just put my child before anything then if a chance came by for me I did take it but I found I missed her far to much so I never stayed away more than an hour. Also if you get overwhelmed specially at first use the resources the hospital gives you. If your beast feeding call those help lines, that is one regret I have was letting my Aunts bully me to stop breastfeeding. That a whole different story though. My daughter is now 20 yr old. Spoiled kind of a brat but all and all a well adjusted young woman. Do protect yourself and that child. My babies father has decided to come back in her life now. And since I had her in a state that has no statue of limitations she gets to go to a nice school cause he is now paying 20 years of back child support. I wish you and your little one the best! Motherhood is beyond rewarding and it's a non stop profession.

Carol - posted on 04/28/2015





Thanks for your support. I do not want to take him to court, or ask for anything. I am honestly just want to know that I can do this on my own. He has made sure to say everything he can think off to make me feel inadequate and like I am not able to do this on my own.

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