Being forced to look for work but I'm not ready

Katie - posted on 05/27/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )




I'm 18 and on April 9th I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Kai. Due to a preexisting heart condition I hadn't been working but when I found out I was pregnant I got a job to support myself. Long story short due to harassment I had to leave my job and go on income assistance. I was told by the ministry that I would be exempt from looking for work for 3 years while I take care of my child. As of today I was told I am not exempt from work search and I must seek employment as me and my partner are a 2 parent family and in their eyes one of us has to be working unless medically excused.
My partner is in the middle of applying for disability (Due to a leg injury he sustained at a young age) which leaves me to be the one who has to work.
But I'm not ready. I don't want to leave my son at home.. he's only 7 weeks old tomorrow. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I know it's not my partners fault but I can't help but resent him slightly. Our relationships already strained enough and I'm afraid this might break us apart.
This isn't really a question I just need some input or advice.


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Tisha - posted on 05/28/2010




I'm sorry but you suck it up and do what you have to do to take care of your family. I am all for fianancial assistance if it is really needed but I am not for two people sitting home and not working while receiving assistance. I agree with the ministry. At least one of you needs to be working. I think that you and your partner need to have a discussion as to what is more important - his disability check or your time with you child. You can be just as good of a mom working full time as you can sitting home with your baby. Working to care for child and provide for him is what makes you a good mom.

Veronique - posted on 05/28/2010




I know that it sucks but that's life and you have to do what you have to do to support your child. I live in Montreal, Quebec and here we get a choice to have 10 months off with 75% of your salary or a year off and get for the first 25 weeks 70% of your salary and that last 25 weeks 50% of your salary. But it's only been since 2006 since we are permited to do so. Before women got 12 weeks off, and then had to go back to work when there babies where still infants. I have a friend you can work but prefers to stay on welfare so each week while in at work the gourvement take a portion of my salary and everybody else salary and it goes to lazy people like her who get to stay home and raise her daughter while my 2 daughters are in daycare. Now i don't mind if someone is really sick and cannot work but if you are capable then honey go to work and do what you have to to support your kid.

Angie - posted on 05/28/2010




I agree with the ministry, unless you cannot work, you should work. Both you and your partner should be working - a leg injury as a child should not keep him from working either - at least not until he is determined to be disabled. My nephew is in a wheechair and he goes to work every day - it's possible! Not only will you be a responsible adult, you will be teaching your child that working is an important part of being an adult. You will never be ready to leave your child. I was a SAHM for 13 years and my husband worked to support our family. When I went back to work, it was difficult and it still is. Going back to work is the best thing you can do for your family - not easy just important.

[deleted account]

I know w/my first born I stayed home until he was 18 mos. because we didn't want him in daycare and I live in the states so I have no idea what you are talking about w/your ministry stuff...but with my 2nd born I had to go back to work @ 6 wks...maybe after having a child already it made this necessity easier? Because he doesn't want our baby (now 8 mos) in daycare I am only able to work weekends. So Sat. I open and go to work before the house wakes up and Sun I close and work in the afternoon. I LOVE Sat and could live w/out Sun. It is soo much easier to leave them all while they are sleeping! Sometimes when I leave on Sun my baby will be angry :( and our 3yr old is fussy because its nap time, it's just a big headache! So I recommend a morning job! Having done it both, stayed home for an extended period and going back to work right away, I couldn't stand staying home all the time! Even now, being home 5 days a week, ugh, I wish I had a day job!!! I know it is hard to leave a baby! Especially a crying one :( Leaving them home with Dad though, it makes it 10x easier!!! I trust my husband with our children and them being with A parent is all that is important to me! Heck, leaving them with him weekends is about the only time he steps up! It is great for my children to have a bond with their dad! You have yet to realize this, but your son WILL at some point still only want MOM! And it can get hella annoying! So when they can look to other care givers and want them it is quite releaving!!! Don't feel like you are abandoning your child! Work is a necessary evil! If your s/o can not go out and work then you gotta do what has to be done! Many women do not get the option of staying home for extended periods of time and it'll make you cherish the time you are able to spend with your baby!!! It is also super nice to still feel like an adult and woman who has other interests and a life outside of raising children!!! Then again, I've been doing this for almost 4 yrs...

Louise - posted on 05/28/2010




Go and see a citizens advice councillor who will advise you on what is available to you financially. If you have a medical condition too why are they saying you have to go back to work already. At the end of the day you may not have a choice. Is your partner really that disabled that he can not support his family working at all. There are lots of jobs he can do sitting down! Sit down with your partner and tell him that you are not ready to go back to work and that if he stays at home he will have to tend for the baby full time to cut back on child care costs. Once he realises how demanding a baby can be he may be inspired to search for work. I hope all works out for you honey at the same time life is just not fair!

Jodi - posted on 05/27/2010




Welcome to the real world. I know it may not seem fair, but I had to return to work when I was 28 and my son was 6 weeks old because my husband at the time broke his arm and was off work and we had a mortgage to pay and no family to help. It absolutely sucked, but I did what had to be done. Just for the record, my relationship with my son now (he is now 12) is amazing, and I just made sure I had quality of time with him rather than quantity of time. Maybe the two of you could do with some counselling? Other than that, I don't have a lot of advice for you. Just remember, you will face many, many challenges in the coming years, and this is only one of them.

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