biofather causing problems not sure how to handle the situation

DeeDee - posted on 07/31/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




i have two children who want to call my husband dad we have given them permission to call him by his name or which ever title they feel comfortable using however their biological father who sees them once a week and is hardly ever present at any of their events and special gatherings has told them they are not allowed to call my husband daddy and now my children feel like they have don't something wrong because of this . we have explained to them in age appropriate terms that their step father is not trying to replace their daddy and that daddy is still daddy that all a step father means is that they now have two men in their lives that love them very much and that they can call their step father his name or by whatever title they feel most comfortable am i wrong to reassure my children that they have done nothing wrong and to continue to allow them to choose what they call their step father ???? i'm lost on this because while i wish for their father to be a special part of their lives i do not wish for them to feel like their mother and step father don't love them advice needed


Jodi - posted on 07/31/2015




It's okay to assure them they have done nothing wrong. However, you shouldn't continue to encourage them to call their step dad "daddy, as this is being disrespectful of their bio dad's wishes and will just pile more guilt on them. You can't change the way their father thinks about it - he will continue to to tell them he doesn't want them using the term daddy for step dad. So therefore, you need to let the kids know that perhaps we should just call step dad by his first name or find a pet name for him. I don't agree with what their dad is doing, but I know from experience that you can't change how he handles it, and if you are giving them one message, and dad is giving them the other, it will cause problems.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms