Biomom not contributing. What to do?

Magnolene - posted on 02/22/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )




My stepson is 4 and living with my husband and I. His "mom" has contributed nothing towards his existence for more than 3 years and I feel it is really unfair seeing as I am the one raising him yet she is the one with all the rights. My husband also lost his job recently and I would like to know if there is any way force her to get a job and start paying child support as I really can't cope with all the expenses alone.


Michelle - posted on 02/22/2015




There are plenty of Fathers that do the same thing, just because she is the Mother doesn't mean that there are different rules.
Like the other ladies have said, no one can force her to get a job. The only way you can get more rights is if she gives up hers and you adopt your SS.
I think you need to focus more on your husband finding another job and being able to support his son and not wait for her step up.


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Jill - posted on 02/23/2015




What circumstances? Go ahead and start your family? My mom raised four children below the poverty line with no help from deadbeat dad, in 20 years, not one penny. Oh, I made a mistake, one time he sent a $500 gift certificate for a department store. I have step brothers and sisters all over the country because he did this a few times. Can you say, "LOSER?" He is 72 now and still has not changed.

Stop dwelling on the situation. People have been making babies for millenia without being held financially accountable. It's nothing new and it's time to get on with your life.

You're young with your whole future ahead of you. Being stressed about this is not worth the free radicals and future stress-related diseases this will bring.

It's time to practice the Law of Attraction and take advantage of the Power of Now. Look them up on Google and put them to work for you. If you do, the money and happiness will start to flow in your direction. What you put out there, you get back in spades. The only person you can change is yourself. Who knows, maybe your stepson is a future world leader or other important person and your efforts will be rewarded. At the very least, he is a human being who did not get to pick his parents. You have been given the awesome opportunity of being the very best mom that he was not lucky enough to get at birth.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/23/2015




If there are no court orders for support, and none have ever been entered, how do you expect her to be put on the hook for her responsibility?

Get court orders.

Jodi - posted on 02/22/2015




If you don't put a support order in you will never get paid, and if she doesn't pay, there are never any consequences. That's the point of filing for it.

Child support and visitation are two separate matters. You don't punish a child from having a relationship with a parent because that parent is incapable of paying. I understand that from your point of view it isn't fair, but a court doesn't see it that way.

As Michelle said, many, many fathers do exactly the same thing. My ex has not had a full time job in 6 years because if he did, it would mean he'd have to pay me a percentage for child support. He deliberately keeps his income under the limit. I can't force him to do otherwise. Even when my husband and I had our business going broke and struggled to pay the bills, there was nothing I could do.

Magnolene - posted on 02/22/2015




There is no order for child support seeing as she has never had a decent job that would enable her to contribute. I don't understand how it is that she can't be forced to contribute yet none of her rights to the child can be taken away either. Never knew that you can go around making babies and not be held liable for any of the expenses when it comes to raising them. The whole situation is making me miserable as I am 28 and would love to have kids of my own but obviously can't even consider it under these circumstances.

Mommabird - posted on 02/22/2015




Hate to say it but neither of you can force her to contribute, get a job, or do anything at all without the help of the courts. The only thing you can do is discuss problems with your husband about your feelings and complaints. Hopefully together you both can figure out a way to even out the responsibilities and take some of the load off of you. I've been there..and I know how stressful and frustrating it can be. Good luck..and hugs to you

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