Biting and hitting at daycare but not at home?!

Kayla - posted on 12/05/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )




My almost 19 month old has been hitting and biting other kids at daycare the past couple of days. He doesnt bite at home except when he is playing and when he hits us at home he gets in trouble for it. He has been written up twice for it the past couple of days. How do i get him to stop? I know he is to young to understand the difference between playing and being mean, but something has to give. Should i quit letting him bite at home even though he is playing so that maybe he can learn its not nice?


Casey - posted on 12/05/2010




He shouldn't be allowed to bite or hit anyone anywhere, if you allow him to bite at home regardless of weather he is just playing he will think that it is ok to bite at daycare cause after all his only playing, the rules need to be consistant with kids his age there should be no hitting or biting at home or at day care otherwise his just getting mixed messages.
You need to just sit him down everytime he hits or bites and tell him that we don't play that game anymore, anywhere or with anyone cause people can hurt so from now on no more, it's going to be hard cause his used to being allowed to do it at home but if you don't start putting a stop to it now then it will get worse as he gets older.

Jenny - posted on 12/05/2010




you should never allow your child to bite you or others. if he does then take away his favorite toy and tell him he can have it back after he sits in time out. if that doesnt work do like i did with my kids ( this was 25yrs ago) if they bit me then i would bite them back (not hard but enough that they knew it hurt and please oh please dont leave a mark or any redness cause then way to hard). then tell them it hurt you like you hurt mommy and others you bite
i hope this helps


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User - posted on 10/30/2014




my son is 23 months old and he's been biting kids at daycare but her doesn't bite his sister at home. I cant discipline him for a behavior he doesn't do at home. daycare has threatened to kick him out and I understand their position. what should I do

Laura - posted on 12/06/2010




Your statement about biting at home is not true because of the word "except". That indicates that he, in fact, DOES bite at home within a particular context. Qualifying the biting in context of "playing" is still biting at home. Biting is NEVER an acceptable behavior! This is a learned behavior from home that is carrying over to daycare. There is no "should" or "maybe" about this: You need to end this negative behavior immediately!

Unfortunately Jenny's method of dealing with the biting would be construed as "abuse" by today's standards so I wouldn't use biting back (sorry, Jenny). That's just a reflection of how corrective methods have changed over the years and how they are perceived today. Using violent behavior to try and stop violent behavior has been shown in university studies to be ineffective anyway.

Your best bet in correcting the biting and hitting is to use time-outs and loss of priveleges consistently. This means every time he engages in one of these behaviors, he loses a toy for the day and/or sits in a time-out for a period of time. A basic rule-of-thumb on timeouts is approximately 1 minute for every year of the child. This can be amended to include expectations for behavior while in timeout, such as "stops crying/yelling". I used this expectation with my daughter. Sometimes the timout lasted more than 5 minutes, sometimes it was the suggested time per age formula. Once she was quiet I always asked her if she understood why she was in timeout and had her repeat the reason back to me. If she told me accurately enough (I hit daddy, for example) then she could leave. This excercise attempts to make the connection between the negative behavior and the resulting consequence (timeout). Your best parenting tool will be consistency! Set your expectations for your son's behavior and then be consistent in your follow-through. Hope this helps and good luck!

Stifler's - posted on 12/06/2010




Yeah I agree with the others, you can't let him bite at home and expect him to not do it at daycare.

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