BM's dealing with SM

Erica - posted on 08/13/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




Im mainly asking a question for us bio moms that have to deal with step moms. I dont see why the SM always has to control and tell my ex what to say to me, and email me. I wish she would stay out of it and her opinion doesnt matter, She tells me "we're married and we make decisions together."

She also encourages my DD's bad bahaviour over the phone with me, I cant take it and at my wit's end. i dont know what else to do. if i tell SM to back off shes' not in the control booth she ll do it even more.
This woman loves to bother me and make me feel uncomfortable. I believe she thinks I want my ex back, thats very untrue. i remarried and with the love of my life. I feel that she maybe a bit insecure of her marriage she has with my ex.
I dont really know I can only assume.


[deleted account]

It's really annoying when another woman controls the thoughts and actions of the father of OUR children, but.... They are together and if it effects his life... it effects her's as well.

I guess my only advice is to remember that you can not control her or him.... all you can control is your reaction to them. And to remove yourself from them as much as humanly possible except where it directly involves your daughter.

[deleted account]

Well considering they are married she has a say, to a point. Encouraging bad behavior with her or your daughter is not ok.

Im a bio mom and a step mom, my oldest step daughters mom I get along with very well (were even friends on facebook) she will tell SD how she is expected to act while visiting and she will tell me and husband dont take any shit from her(meaning if i need to I can send her to time out). My youngest sd mother however is not like that. I cant stand her, she tries to run everything going on in MY home and with my husband by constantly causing unnecessary problems just for her own enjoyment. My ex is marrying soon and I have zero problems with his GF who will soon be step mom to my son... that being said I fully expect her to have a say in what goes on especially when my son is in her home. But back to point, she is married to your ex meaning she has a part in your childs life like it or not. It is her business she should have an opinion and imput because it is also her life. You could try talking nicely to her and let her know certain things are bothering you. As for her maybe feeling insecure or thinking you want your ex back... I highly doubt thats how she feels. I would be willing to bet that she feels as if you are trying to control every aspect of this situaton... in turn controling how things happen in her home, I wouldnt be ok with that either. And none of this behavior is good for the kid(s) involved. I have somewhat removed myself from my youngest daughters BM because I have had it with her crap. I let my husband know what I will and will not tollerate from her and left it at that because I dont want unnecessary problems between me and my Sd.


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Kyleigh - posted on 08/13/2011




I would try ti file for a change of custody nad getyour kids in your care. If she is encouraging your child to go against you thats very wrong and has consequences for your child later on in life.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/13/2011




That is a tough one because she is helping raise your it or not. I would see if you could talk to your ex in person privately about how this is effecting you and your daughter.

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