Breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 years and having coping with a 9 month old at the same time!

Victoria - posted on 05/27/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )




Well i've had a very rough relationship with my boyfriend we have fought alot and they have gotten pretty serious. He does have alot of anger problems but he has never hit me or my son, he just vents very aggressively. We recently had a huge fight over christmas break and then again after we attended a party in the middle of may. There was lots of name calling, crying, yelling, and breaking up. We have broke up once already just after christmas and we went about a month and I figured that we could get back together and work on things for the sake of our son. Now after fighting this month i've thought alot about everything in my life and have decided that I need to be happy and so does my son. Since tuesday me and my boyfriend have been split up he is still staying at my house until he gets paid, but its been rough he has been trying everything to get me to change my mind and get us to work on things. I don't know what to do I don't want to be hurt anymore, all I ever wanted was to be happy and enjoy our life for the three of us. But I've been hurt so many times and I'm scared to let him take our son out by himself bcause I'm afraid he won't come back and ill never see my son. Please give me advice on what I should do? Is it normal for mothers to fear there babys father leaving and never coming back? Should I stay and work things threw for my son or should I just move on?


Alison - posted on 05/27/2010




Kick him out! You can't break up and still live together. There must be a couch somewhere he could sleep on. Aggressiveness can be so harmful. You can maybe get back together if he ever gets help, but before that, you cannot change him.

Is it normal for mothers to fear their baby's father leaving and never coming back? Not in a healthy, loving relationship. Time to move on.

Darlene - posted on 05/27/2010




I agree that you shouldn't stay with a guy just because he is your son's father. I was in a similar relationship...unfortunately it took me a lot longer to leave it. It seemed that the only time that he was nice to me or treated me decent was after a fight. When I finally decided to leave him, he finally decided to say/do all of the things that he should have said/done for the past several years.

You and your child deserve a home filled with the love and deserve to have a relationship that serves as a good example for your child. If your boyfriend leaves and never comes back....he was never a true father and a poor example of a man. In this case, it's best that he leaves and doesn't come back. The both of you would be better off without him.

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Angela - posted on 05/27/2010




Of course it's normal to be worried. You've spent years in this relationship and you are now also a mother. You are not the same person you are when you started. It sounds like you have done everything you can to sort this out and it hasn't worked. Sometimes it really is best to just cut your losses and start again. Your son will learn about relationships from you and you really don't want to get into this cycle where all you do is fight, split up and then get back together. It's going to hurt for some time I'm afraid but you will come out of this stronger and a great deal wiser with the added bonus of a beautiful son.

In the meantime it really is best you make it clear that he needs to find somewhere else to stay. Being under the same roof means that neither of you can start healing and moving on. This is confusing and unhealthy for your son. If the arguments are so bad that he gets aggressive then clearly this is no good for either of you, after all, he deserves happiness as much as you do.

If you're worried about him taking your son then only let him have supervised access to start with and make sure you go to court to get down on paper the custody and visitation arrangements for your son. Then everybody knows where they stand. Good luck sweetheart, I really hope you and your ex find happiness in new and unexpected places.

User - posted on 05/27/2010




NEVER stay in a relationship for the sake of a child- in the long run you'll end of doing more damage to your baby and you. Have you explained to your partner how he is making you feel? Would he be willing to go and get help? If he wont acknowledge there is a problem, then i think you know deep down what the answer is - good luck hun, i hope it all works out for you and your baby xx

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