can i get my kids back

Kassie - posted on 11/30/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )




i cheated on my husband at the time. we r now divorced and i signed full custody over to him under the verbal agreement i could get them anytime i wanted them. and i signed because i had no job at the time no money all i had was the clothes i took with me and i did not want my kids to have to go through that. he will not let me have them by myself. first it was because i cheated now its who i am with. i see my kids once aweek. and he wont let them come stay with me at all. i know what i did was not the way to go about getting a divorce but i did it. i cant change it now. all i care about is my kids and i want joint custody with him. what do i need to do. please help me and dont judge me i have enough family doing that


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Gwen - posted on 12/01/2010




Cheating has nothing to do with custody. If you are a fit parent w/ no issues of violence, substance abuse, etc. there shouldn't be any reason you can't renegotiate your custody agreement.

Christi - posted on 12/01/2010




Regardless of what happened in your personal relationship with your husband, those are your children. I would take him to court and sue for joint custody. They might be hesitant since you already signed away full custody, but I am sure once you explain your situation, you will get it. You might have to be sure the person you are with now is not around while your children are there. That might be best anyway. I am sure it is hard enough for them to wrap their heads around you two not being together, it would make it even harder for them to see mommy with a new man.

Iridescent - posted on 11/30/2010




The fact that you cheated on him could be a non-issue in some places, and a huge issue in others. In the US, it's illegal, yet a lot of judges look the other way. Other judges will deny everything, including custody, because you cheated. The same goes for the male if they cheated. It's all personal choice for the judge - they have the right to rule against you, but don't necessarily always do so.

The fact that you signed away your children with no fight will be your hardest barrier. You're going to need a good lawyer.

Lyndsay - posted on 11/30/2010




You need to go to court. You are the mother and unless you're on drugs or totally unfit, you will most likely be granted joint custody.

Sneaky - posted on 11/30/2010




Kassie I can only see your cheating on him being a problem if you were doing it with 800 other men - in other words, only if you were displaying sexually deviant behavior because of a medical condition and exposing your children to potential harm because of it.

Will your ex try to use it against you - of course, but if you have a good lawyer they should be able to 'spin' it so that the only reason you cheated was because he was such a horrible partner, and therefore is irrelevant to your suitability as a mother.

You need to get a lawyer, a really good one if you can afford it.

As to people judging you, well I actually read a really good quote in a magazine today: 'remember that when you point one of your fingers, three of your fingers are pointing back at you'. I think the moral is that no one is perfect, and they certainly should not judge you when I am sure they have skeletons in their closets.

Keep you chin up honey, it's going to be really hard but you can do it!

Kassie - posted on 11/30/2010




thank u for taking the time to answer. will me cheating on him have any bearing on me getting my kids.

[deleted account]

Go to court. My ex also cheated on me, left me, and was basically non-existent in the kids lives for a year and a half. The MAIN reason he doesn't have joint custody.... He moved too far away to make that practical. It depends on your family court system, but get a lawyer and go to court. Good luck!

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