Can I have a baby...for a friend who can't?

Rebecca - posted on 06/02/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




One of my very dear friends is infertile. She has looked in to adoption and after doing her research, she determined that this is not a feasible route for her to take. She and her husband have been together for a very long time, are in a beautiful, healthy, loving relationship, are financially stable, are amazing human beings, and I can not think of any two people who deserve a baby more.

My question is - if my husband were to get me pregnant, would we be able to sign over all parental rights to them once the baby is born? I don't need her to cover the cost of my pregnancy (I have good insurance, though I'm sure if I did need any help with anything she'd be happy to provide it), my husband and I already have twin girls and are not ready to have another baby ourselves. I loved being pregnant. I'm super good at it. And I would really, really love to do this for her.

My own research seems to conclude that you can only do this if you are not able to provide a home for the child, which wouldn't really be the case; we have a home with more than enough room for another baby, but financially it would be tight and furthermore...we'd just rather wait until our own little ones are in school.

Does anyone have any information they could give me? Or perhaps a nudge in the right direction?


Krista - posted on 06/03/2012




I would definitely consult with a family lawyer to see what the logistics of it would be. Either way, there are going to be legalities involved. You can't just have the baby and give it to your friend. So you might as well get the name of a good lawyer right now and ask what the options are and what would be least complicated.

Polina - posted on 06/02/2012




The whole set up does not sound right. You have the best intentions, but what if you change your mind after delivering the baby, what if you have a fight with your friend. You will always look at the baby as yours and might be unhappy with the way your friend is raising her/him. Life is full of surprises and you can complicate your and your friends lives beyond imaginable. I think the best will be to help your friend with the paperwork for the normal adoption process if you want to be of help, not offering your own baby.
But if you still want to pursue this route, you can probably get a free consultation with an attorney in your state.


View replies by

Rebecca - posted on 06/02/2012




I should clarify - when I said adoption wasn't the route for her, I was referring specifically to the logistics/paperwork, not that she was opposed to having a child that is not biologically hers.

But yeah...I was afraid I was gonna have to go the surrogate route, and those places are SUPER picky. I'm also not sure that they'll let you surrogate for someone who isn't in their little network or whatever.

It just seems silly. I am fertile. I want to do this for her. It's my body. It seems so ridiculous that I can't get a lawyer, draw up a contract, and have a baby for her.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2012




I agree with Michelle surrogacy I think would be the only way this would work they may even be able to fertilize one of her eggs with his sperm and then implant them in your womb but this would then make it their baby. However before you make an offer like this be really really sure that after carrying it for 9 months you are going to be able to give the baby up.

Michelle - posted on 06/02/2012




Where abouts are you? You may have to look into surrogacy instead and have your eggs fertilized with his spern and then implanted. Then at least 1 of them would be the biological parent.

You said that she decided adoption wasn't for them but that's what you are planning to do, just by passing all the legal red tape.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms