can my ex sign over his rights if i agree to it?

Krista - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am a single mom to a wonderful 16 month old baby girl. her sperm donor hasnt seen her in 3 months and just got served with child support papers. i have been trying to get him to sign over his rights and now he said he would. but my question is will the state of CA grant it?


Sarah - posted on 02/17/2012




Krista, I can appreciate that there is obviously past tensions with you and your ex. I would only encourage you to stop calling him "her sperm donor." Terms like this can be devastating to a child's self esteem. If you hate so much about this man, who is 1/2 of your daughter, she may grow up wondering if you hate her too. Whatever your feelings are towards him, he is the father of your daughter. Don't let your feelings intrude onto her. I also would caution against severing her ties to this man. Unless he is a druggie or abusive, she has a moral right to form a relationship with him, in whatever capacity that is. It may not be the relationship you were hoping for her, but it may be something that is also great for her in time. My nephew's dad wasn't around much when he was first born, but after 3-4 years started to come around and now my nephew is almost 16 he has a great relationship with his dad. All I'm saying I guess, is to let your anger go, and give him time and opportunity to form a relationship with his daughter in his own time. It's not about benefiting you or him, it's about your daughter.


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Jenni - posted on 02/17/2012




I agree with everything that Sarah said. I really hope the both of you have thought this through carefully and are not making this decision out of spite for each other. Or in the midst of an argument. He may not be the father *you* feel is right for her, but he is *her* father.

Please for your daughter's sake I hope you two aren't letting your own feelings for each other impede on her relationship with him. I think you two should take a bit more time to think about this before signing those papers. Be certain you're not just making this choice because of conflicts between you and him.

Kay - posted on 02/16/2012




Amy is right, it depends on your local laws. In SC, where I am, it is nearly impossible, because they will not leave a child without a father. The lawyer that I spoke with said I would have to be making $26,600 and able to provide medical insurance for a judge to even consider it. Even now, a few years later and past that threshold, I am holding off until my fiance and I get married. It is easier when someone is willing to adopt.

Your best course of action is to consult a lawyer familiar with family law in California. They can give you advice, and sometimes they do it at no cost.

Good luck.

Amy - posted on 02/16/2012




It really depends on the laws in CA. Im from Ct and here they would allow you to but if im correct once he sign over the rights you wont be able to get any support from him. Its a very tough decision because i had gone through it with my sons father. My son is now almost 9 and the last year his father has finaly stepped up and loves him to death. It took awhile but i think that the child should be able to make that choice later on. My mother did that to me and i just now after almost 28 yrs of life found him. A girl needs a dad. But if hes not willing to be a dad i would do what you have to so it doesnt effect her in the long run. So make sure you both are sure wthat its what you really want. Like i said you shuoldnt have a problem being granted it but you wont get money for her from him.

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