Cannot stop the tears!!

User - posted on 04/16/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )




I need some advice.... My oldest is about to graduate May 24th. I was 22 when she was born, divorced her Dad when she was 9, we have been inseparable! She will be going off to college in the fall, and I am all for it and so proud of her...I want her to have this experience and be all she can be. The problem I am having is letting go emotionally...I recognize that it is normal to be sad...but I feel like I am not handling this well at all. I cry EVERYDAY!!! and I do not want to embarrass her at her graduation and her LAST dance recital in June. But I KNOW I will not be able to control my emotions and tears. I guess what I need to know is if I am NUTS and need to go see someone or if anyone else has felt this way. I hear so many parents who say they cannot wait til their kid graduates....but I do not feel that way at all and mostly I need to know if I am crazy or not, and what I can do to try to deal with this better!!! Thank you for your response in advance!


~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/19/2011




You sound like a normal, caring, loving momma to me. I like what Barb said about them moving foward when you've got their back. Couldn't be more true!

Barb - posted on 04/19/2011




As everyone else has said.. You are NOT crazy!! This is such a HARD thing to do.
When my baby went off to boot camp and then to Marine Combat Training and i didn't seem to hear much from him like i expected, my husband said, "just remember girlie, it's easy for our kids to move forward when they know you have their back"

You've done a good job and if you want to, go talk to a counselor, it won't hurt anything and may help you with this transition period in your life. That is what this is.

I sought help with it, but mainly because our oldest son had been murdered and then my youngest was going off to the marine corp and i was having some problems dealing with it.

But each of us handle different things differently, and if this becomes too overwhelming for you, then yes, most definitely go and speak with someone about this. There is no shame in needing a valium now and again.

Congrats on your daughter going off to college and i hope you can look forward to this new and exciting time in your life.

Valerie - posted on 04/16/2011




First of all, you are not nuts! You are very close to your child and have made her your world so you will miss her and need other outlets. I also think there is some fear there. Reality check: she wont be there but she will need you and appreciate you even more when she is gone. why not put your energy into preparing some care baskets, cards, etc for her. think about what she will need that is practical and then some fun, supportive, ...ideas. worrying is never a good use of your time. perhaps journal your thoughts and feelings...


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You sound perfectly normal to me. My kids are a LONG way off from that point, but I already know I'll be a basketcase when it happens. Granted, they drive me nuts on a daily basis, but they are my world and I KNOW I'm going to have massive 'empty nest syndrome' when they grow up.

User - posted on 04/19/2011




thanks so much for all the great advice! I am so glad to be a part of circle of moms! It has really helped me so much!! Again..thank you!

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2011




THERE IS NOTHING CRAZY ABOUT THIS! You have been your daughter's sole caretaker and confidant for many years! She is your best friend, and it is sad for a best friend to stop being there 24/7! Just remember, you can call her on the phone, have frequent visits, and if it gets to be too much of an anxiety/panicky situation, talk to her about it. I'm sure she's feeling just as overwhelmed as you are. My best advice for dealing with emotions like this, is to keep a journal, hand written or online... Online journals are wonderful, because you can update them anywhere and make new friends while you are at it! A friend of mine went away to school, and was feeling some anxieties about leaving her mom, so they made a "connection plan". They got a plant that they both thought was really pretty and one would take care of the plant, and when they visited they would trade. Another version of this is making scrapbooks together, you work on a couple pages and then give it to her to work on. After a while you will see that she is still a very big part of your life. Just take deep breaths and smile. You are a wonderful mom!

Tarah - posted on 04/17/2011




I know how you feel, and your not nuts at all! I'm a stay at home mom, and my 5 yr old, yes little baby girl started school. and I didn't like that I didn't get to see her for a full day! do I started Vounteering at her school twice a week every week, and it really makes me feel better. and her too. plus it is so0o0o much fun! =) you may want to look into the ymca. or something like that. because I don't know if you can just go into any local elm school and Volunteer. But good luck! and Congrats to your daughter.

Louise - posted on 04/17/2011




Your not nuts this is normal especially if you have no partner to share the experience with. You have been inseperable you say and now all you can see is her going off to college and you sat at home alone. I know how you feel although I am married I raised my two sons whilst my husband was away on business and we are a very close unit. My son left last September for Uni in Edinburgh 7 hours drive away or an hours flight. I felt my world had collapsed because I could not chat with him every day. But once he had gone I was much better because I speak to him everyday via Skype so I can see that he is ok and looking well. He comes home every couple of months and is of course coming back for the summer break. I am sure it will be hard to say goodbye again in September but he has shown me that I did a good job of raising him because he has flown the nest and can support and look after himself.

This is the hardest part waiting for them to go but once she has left you will adapt. I strongly advise you to get skype becasue being able to see her will reassure yourself that she is ok. Try and encourage your daughter to take part in everything to make friends where ever she goes because if she is happy and settled so will you be.

Every day it is a little easier I promise.

JuLeah - posted on 04/16/2011




Nah, you're not nuts, you're a mom. You love her, you will miss her. There will be a process and it will take time. There will be a void you will need to fill ... help teach little ones to read in your local school, volunteer to hold babies at the hospital, become a CASA (need is great).

User - posted on 04/16/2011




thanks so much! you are right and I do plan to do that, I have an am being supportive, I have actually been helping her to get to the college she wants to go to which is 2 hrs away (not that far) and I DO want her to experience all college life has to offer esp since my parents would not allow me to....even though I had a scholarship.....i know she will be fine and I really am NOT worried about her or that she will make it I know she will...I just cannot contain this sadness that I feel and it has kind of toppled down on me in a hurry so I am feeling very out of control. I am gonna get a journal going like you suggestred...maybe that will help me get these feelings out!! thanks!

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