caught my son doing something with his girlfriend

Tiff - posted on 10/23/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )




My son is almost 16. He has a girlfriend and she is really nice and sweet. But today something happened. She usually comes to our house on Fridays and they both go downstairs to the house basement and watch movies for hours. OR SO WHAT I THOUGHT :( Today I went downstairs to see if they wanted banana bread and when I go downstairs I only saw my son and his girlfriend was no where to be seen. I start to wonder and I ignore it at first. I think they were doing frisky business but I don't think they were having sex. I think they were just having oral sex.I ask my son if anything is wrong, he says no. So then I leave. Can someone please help/advise me on what to do? Do I confront him or let him bring it up first?


Angela - posted on 10/24/2015




I have to say that my oldest was not allowed to have any girls in his bedroom and when any visited, they had to stay in the living room where they are supervised.

Oral sex is in the same category as actual physical sex. He most likely won't tell the truth if you confront him. Maybe you can begin with changing the rules in your house and no longer allow them to be out of your site. You can tell him why you have changed the rules and maybe discuss what you suspect with both of them and her parents.

They will choose to use your place because of the freedom they have. If something happens, her parents will ask how come they are not supervised at your home.
There's more to changing the rules now. They both will need education on protection and consequences.

You can confront him and enforce change of rules in your home. If he gets upset, he will also get over it. Stand your ground mom!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/24/2015




"I start to wonder and ignore it at first"...Because all teenagers are such upstanding individuals that OF COURSE they wouldn't be doing something they shouldn't...good grief.

I hate to say it, but you're providing them a very comfortable spot to have sex. Why did you think that letting them watch movies (or do ANYTHING) in such an unsupervised situation was advisable? STOP letting them be unsupervised!

If they're having sex, you can't stop them at this point, but you CAN visit with both of them, indicate your concern and put in place the requirement for responsible birth control.


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Dove - posted on 10/23/2015




Why would you ever allow them unsupervised access in your home in the first place? Fine for them to hang out and watch movies, but in a common area... not alone in a basement. That's basically like asking them to go ahead and do whatever....

Granted, I know a determined teenager is going to have sex even w/out their parents giving them a free access place, but... yeah.

Anyway... as for what to do. Keep being open and honest about sex and protection and STDs and pregnancy and why it is BEST for him to wait until he is an adult, but that he can come to you at ANY time w/ questions or concerns.

Then tell him that you messed up by giving them so much unsupervised access time. She is still more than welcome to come over every Friday night, but they can watch movies in the common family area from now on.

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