Child Custody battles

Maria - posted on 08/03/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




Hi I'm a single mom. New on here. I am not through with court stuff. I have been separated for 2 years now. It's been a full two years of battling out custody and placements with the children and still no final settlement. Tired of this thing dragging on and on. We have 3 children. Ages 4, 5 and 7. The situation in a nut shell is my ex has a history of domestic violence charge and bail jumping (breaking a restrain order) coming into my house when I was not there. Since this time he has succeeded in getting my entire family, church, and best friends to side with him to the extent of even some of them to coming to court to paint me as a bad mother in court. He did a diversionary program and completed it. It was for an entire year. Apparently in Wisconsin you can do a diversionary program if your charged a crime and have it read in and not be as bad on your record. He completed the diversionary program but did engage with abusive behaviors towards me in front of the children during child exchanges. The worst part of all this is that he had his allies with him during a lot of these exchanges and some babysitter that was a participant in his abusive behaviors. because he was not caught he never got arrested and his charges were not reinstated!!! I couldn't believe it! No justice for me in Wisconsin. They also have an exchange program here in Wisconsin called The Parenting Place where exchanges can be done with no contact. The problem is that the abuser has to agree to use The Parenting Place as an exchange. He won't agree to it of course. All I can say is that I am at a huge disadvantage here. i have been isolated from every support system thanks to his smooth convincing that I am the one who has a problem and that he isn't the problem. Any ideas how to handle this situation and stay safe with exchanges with the children till something is court ordered?


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Loves2readYA - posted on 08/04/2016




I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I'd agree with the others that counseling for you and the kids would be so helpful. This must be an unsettling time for the kids especially. As moms, we try so hard to make things as smooth for them as possible.

I'm not sure how this works legally. Perhaps whoever is working out your custody agreement would offer some suggestions?

I read a series of article about successful co-parenting (here's a link: Maybe it would help?

My hope and prayer is that you and your ex can work together to make this transition easier for the kids. I pray that God will give you the strength you need to lead your family toward healing. Hopefully the kids can remain the primary focus.

Best wishes to you and your family...praying for you...

Jodi - posted on 08/04/2016




Do you have a lawyer? Have your lawyer place it in writing that until the court hearing, you are offering this as the option for exchange. I'm assuming there are visitation orders? Let him know that at the designated visitation time, that is where the children will be. If he chooses not to pick them up there, then he misses out.

Are you in counselling?

Dove - posted on 08/03/2016




Are the children in therapy w/ a counselor willing to testify in court to what the children tell him/her about the abuse? Has the abuse only been towards you (not that that EVER makes it OK) or has it been towards the children as well?

I find it very odd that your entire family and church would side against you if any of them have witnessed his behavior and you haven't reciprocated. Are YOU in therapy (GREAT support person... especially for a single parent)?

If the exchanges are in public places I can't see how too much abuse would be able to occur. Just have the children to go him and then get in your car and leave even if he tries to engage you in anything.

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