Child support!?

Jess - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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So i live in minnesota USA and my child's father was paying me $400.00 per month and we discussed it going down due to our child is three and potty trained. He lives in Florida and he only sees her 3 or so times a year. we have never had to go to court over anything we discuss things and what is best for our child and he is involved in her life even though not physically present. but the minnesota law as it pertains to me says he should be paying $440.00 plus half daycare and half medical and dental expenses. Im not sure if this is a battle worth fighting but im a single mom and not much income. any advise would be great!

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Lori - posted on 01/23/2010

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Jess, your childs dad may be doing a lot of the "right things" for your child financially, and you indirectly. Just becasue your child is potty trained doesn't mean your expenses go down, they just shift. The 440 amount, per Minisota law, I'm sure is a calculated amount, per child, for the financial needs of said child, plus splitting the child care, medical and dental costs 50-50 is more than fair. It gets more and more expensive as our children grow. I'm a single mom, who gets $50.00 per month from my 13 year old son's father. It don't go very far.

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2010

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Paying half of day care and half of medical expenses along with child support is common practice. I live in California and have also had to deal with the child support system which is pretty much the same. He should be responsible for paying half the child care and medical of his child and the child support is meant to help with all the childs expenses; which would include a place to live, utilities, food, etc. I can tell you from my own experience that I regreted not using the child support services from the beginning. Right now things may be okay between the two of you, but you never know what the future will hold. Things were great between me and my ex-husband until he got remarried. Since then it has been a constant battle. His wife doesn't want him supporting our kids and in the beginning before I opended a case with the child support office I would frequently get excuses as to why he couldn't and wouldn't help with our kids. Every excuse came back to his new wife - usually revolving around her not wanting to get a job (she had been unemployed and living off of public assistance prior to them being married). My advice would be to let the child support office handle it and follow their order. I think things would have been a lot easier if I would have opened a case with them from the beginning.

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Sandy - posted on 01/30/2010

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It is always hard to get more child support, especially after you have reduced it once. There are more expensies as children get older. There are fees for pre school, birthday party gifts, new shoes because little feet grow fast, swimming lesson expense, school supplies etc.Don't be in a big hurry to reduce child support! Sandy

Karin - posted on 01/25/2010

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It's awesome that you two have been able to work together so far. My son's father doesn't send much at all, and always threatens to pursue custody because I think he doesn't want to have to pay child support. I had to file for child support since I am receiving cash assistance from the state (OH), and they'd rather he be paying for his kid than them, obviously.
The hearing is Feb.3 and I am looking forward to it. He claims to love his son, but doesn't want to take responsibility for him unless he's living with him, which isn't going to happen. I will fight him to the death if he tries to take my son from me. I want them to have a relationship, but he left us nearly 15 months ago and moved to NC. We were in PA at the time.
Anyway, I am going off on a tangent here. What I was getting at is, if you guys are making things work without court intervention, I'd say leave it at that. $400 a month is a very good amount, I'd say. I'm lucky if I get $150. If he wants to reduce it a little, maybe you can come to an agreement that is reasonable. What you're getting now is probably more than you'd get if you went to court for mandated child support, even if he does pay a little less each month. Good luck!

Shantane - posted on 01/25/2010

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Well, first of all its great that he even pays child support, thats a plus! But he needs to understand that children are expensive no matter what age or activity they are involved in! the older they get,the more expensive they become. It is true that you two should be going half on medical, dental, daycare expenses...Maybe you should talk to him honestly and let him know that maybe you are considering payments thru court. but that if there's a way that the two of you could work out some type of agreement where you would not have to go thru court and he paid more then it would be great.

Larisa - posted on 01/25/2010

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If you want him to stay in their lives take what you can get. If you cant live with that amount I would call him asnd ask him for more. Going to court is costly for the both of you

[deleted account]

you shouldn't have much of a fight. I think the state mandates support,and can go about collecting if you have trouble. He needs to pay what he owes and there are tables he can look up on the internet to determine what the support should be.

Angela - posted on 01/23/2010

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child support should never go down. as a matter of fact, after 3 years, it should have already gone up!! as a mother who only ever received 295 a month, i can tell you, raising a child only gets more expensive as they grow. notably after they begin school and start joining groups, sports teams and clubs. plus, there is the cost of school trips and the everyday expense of supplies, lunch, etc. it is good you and the father are on good terms as far as this issue is concerned, but you owe it to your child and yourself to take it to any legal level that is needed to get every penny you are entitled to.

Geminis - posted on 01/22/2010

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We all take the good with the bad, don't we. Only one piece of advice. Never let your child support go DOWN, only UP. Children get more expensive not cheaper as they get older.

Anne Kathleen - posted on 01/22/2010

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Any battle that is waged for the benefit of your child is worth fighting for. I allowed my ex to continually pay less and less child support as our daughter got older instead of taking him to court. Now he lives with his mommy and daddy who support him (he's 50) while he pays almost no child support, and I have to work 60 hour work weeks to make ends meet. If I could go back and do it differently (by getting a court order mandating the amount of child support), I would. Your ex is 50% responsible for bringing your child into the world, so he should be equally responsible for supporting her too.

Johari - posted on 01/22/2010

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Its seems u two have a good repoire. I agree with everyone here, just because ur daughter is toilet trained doesn't mean he should pay less. The older thhey get the more expensive they get. I have 2 kids by different dad, one is on child support, the other was not. The one that is was a battle 4 every dime and I got tire of it. The other we had an agreement and he kept up his side of the agreement.

Since u 2 have open communication if its a matter of money being tight sit down and talk and see if he can afford and be willing 2 pay more. I will agree to get ur agreement in writing though and in most states u can get it modifed every three years in case u need more as ur child gets older. Don't involve child support if u .don't have to and definately don't agree to less money. If u have a little xtra and the end of the month open a savings account for your daughter

Isobel - posted on 01/22/2010

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HA...You think the bills are going to go down?!?!?!? Not bloody likely...now she gets to go to sports, she needs school clothes, etc. Kids get more expensive as they grow, not cheaper...sorry to disappoint you.

Melvin - posted on 01/22/2010

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I was just like you except mine would not come and see his child. had an arrangement with him and to make a long story short i had to take him to court and get what I needed, he pays just enough that he want go to jail. So you decide if you want the hassle or get him to sign a paper stating that he will pay the amount you settled on. It could backfire on you. later or not he has to prove that he paid you the money. He needs to pay half of childcare and medical,

Martina - posted on 01/22/2010

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I live in australia where the cost of daycare and medical insurance DOESNT come into the equation in regards to childsupport, but my fist step would be to discuss the issue with him and tell him where the state stands on the issue and you would rather he continue to pay the $400 a month. As everyone states ... just becuase the child is out of diapers doesnt mean the cost goes down ... there are added costs ie washing ... clothing etc.... You obviosuly have a good relationship with him to be able to discuss the issue without getting the government involved ... its always best to continue that open discussion in relation to the child

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2010

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I am from NC. I have two kids (6 & 8 yrs old). Most of my friends who have two or more kids get a whole lot more money than I do. I took my kids dad to court to get a child support order for him. The courts only issued an order for $217.00 monthly FOR TWO KIDS!!! So, the courts don't always do what the state law requires. It could go down. If you are happy with $400.00 a month, then I wouldn't get the courts involved. The NC courts screwed me. If he wants to pay less, that is between you two. If you go to court, though, you may end up getting less than what the two of you decide on. So, I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do.

[deleted account]

If you are coping with the money you have then why fight and cause an issue. But, if money is always tight and it is hard to get by, it can't hurt to talk to him about it. and if you need to take it further do it. Money doesn't make you happy, but it is needed for living.

Gwen - posted on 01/21/2010

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Keep the support where it should be. Potty training is not a good reason to reduce the support amount. The cost of health insurance, childcare, etc. are only going to go up in the future. He is not providing any "physical" support to you or the child, the LEAST he can do is fulfill his entire financial responsibility.

Amie - posted on 01/21/2010

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I agree with Jodi. Just leave it at $400. Even though she's out of diapers, the amount of food, clothes, etc. is still going to offset what you were paying in diapers. I also agree that kids get more expensive as they get older, not less.

Jodi - posted on 01/21/2010

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Jess, I would try to keep it at the $400 a month. Just because your child is potty trained now does not mean your expenses will get less. From now, your child will begin to eat more, then there will be school in a couple of years, which involves further expenses, and believe me, once they reach school age, and start to get bigger, they actually cost a LOT more.

Jess - posted on 01/21/2010

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the state is not getting involved at all he just wants to pay less than $400 and im not sure if i should agree or raise it to what the state law says he should be giving me.

Jennifer - posted on 01/21/2010

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if you dont wanna fight the state law let them take the support and if you feel bad about the amount you can always mail him back the money

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