child support

Tammie - posted on 11/15/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




I understand that men should pay child support. however if one if a father doesn't pay child support but fires spend time with his child. I think it's wrong to take his parental rights. if per say the one that is not paying child support is having problems and trying to make things better.I think it's cruel to take a child from a family that loves her and has been with her since day 1 just over money.


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Jodi - posted on 11/15/2013




Yes, there are custodial parents who DO withhold their children due to no child support, BUT they actually don't have the legal right to do this. The only person they hurt by doing this is the child.

[deleted account]

You would be right. Child support and visitation rights are two completely separate issues and they are not to be connected or dependent on one or the other. In fact, if there is a court order for visitation in place, and a mother refuses to follow it because the father has not paid child support, the father can file charges against her for contempt of court order. She could lose custody over it.

That said, if there is no court order for visitation in place, the mother can decide when she wants to allow the father to see the child. If she choses to keep the child from the father, his only option is to take her to court to get a visitation order in place. That said, if he has been ordered to pay child support and is not paying regularly, the courts may side with the mother and limit his access pretty severely.

If the father is truly having difficulty making the ordered payments, and wants to get a visitation order in place, he needs to compile all of his income evidence and as much evidence as possible to support the claim that he is making every effort to pay child support even though he is falling short, then submit a claim to have the child support order reduced to reflect his current income. Child support is based on income, and it is common for it to be reduced if the original order was put in place when he had a higher paying job then he lost that job or was forced to take a lower paying job. That said, it will only go so low--just because he makes less doesn't mean the baby costs less to support. The mother of this child can't just "skip buying diapers or formula or food" because she's short on cash this month. She has to make any and all necessary sacrifices to make those purchases, even if it means going without food herself. When you have a mom who hasn't eaten in 3 days because she had to sell her food stamp credits to pay for utilities so her baby doesn't freeze in the night, she's going to be grumpy and she's going to hold a grudge.

[deleted account]

While I firmly believe that the noncustodial parent should ALWAYS contribute to the expenses of their children, unless time is shared 50/50, I am 100% against withholding visitation if a parent doesn't pay that child support. Not receiving child support is an issue that should be pursued in court, not manipulated using the child as a pawn. I've heard SOOOO many custodial parents say that if you don't pay child support you don't "deserve" to see your child. That's just plain vengeful, emotionally harming your own child under the guise of SUPPOSEDLY doing what's best for them. It's NOT what's best for any child ever. What is best for the child is to have a consistent, strong relationship with BOTH parents, regardless of money. In those cases, the custodial parent would do well by their child to remember that it is not about mom or dad or what they do or don't "deserve" in the other's opinion...bottom line is, it's about what the CHILD deserves and needs emotionally, period! It makes me so sick to see all these custodial parents who are perfectly fine with screwing up their kids emotionally just to punish the ex. Yes, child support SHOULD be paid, but go after it the RIGHT way...not by throwing your own innocent child under the bus for it! My husband's ex did this, and he wasn't even refusing to pay, it was simply delayed through the system. She knew she would get it eventually but she wanted him to be giving her cash on top of that in the meantime. Family services specifically told him NOT to give her any money in the meantime because anything he gave her outside of the court order would not be credited to him and he would still have to pay that entire amount over again as backpay once the court got their case straightened out. He simply couldn't afford to pay her double! And at the same time, he knew BM was well off with her family taking care of all HER needs and that he daughter would not go without at all, so he told her what they told him and reassured her she would get his contribution. So she told him until the court got it straightened out, he couldn't see his child. It ended up being almost 10 months that he went without seeing his child, and because she was so young at the time, she didn't remember us at all when she came back and was scared and uncomfortable. Now it is 3.5 YEARS later and she still struggles to have a relationship or even so much as interact with my husband and our two kids when she is with us. THAT is not what is "best" for a child. And for what??? His child never did go without, she had everything she needed and more! And not only did BM get backpay, but the state miscalculated his backpay WHILE he was paying, and ended up garnishing from his tax returns DOUBLE what he owed anyway! And now, the child's relationship with half of her family is extremely strained all over that.

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