Co-Parenting Advice/ Tips?

Jacklyn - posted on 06/21/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi All,

I am unsure how to approach a co-parenting relationship with my son's father when it seems to me as though he is only interested in what is best for himself. I am uncertain if I can even develop a co-parenting relationship with my sons father. By that I mean, he has not seen our son in more than six months, however he has attempted to speak with me about child support and custody issues (as I filed for both). Because he has been verbally and emotionally abusive and threatened me in the past, our communication is now limited to email. I told him I can speak about child support and custody via email, however he refuses to speak via email and has been demanding that I call him and meet up with him.

He has not asked about our son, but twice he asked if he could pick him up from the sitter to take him with him. This was about three months after not hearing from him, so I told him I would prefer he spent time with our son where our son felt safe and comfortable since he had not seen him in more than three months and our son would likely cry the entire time. I didnt hear from him after that.

Our son is 18 months old now, however he was one year old when his father disappeared on us. Prior to that, my sons father saw our son about once a month if that. He stopped paying the child support we had agreed on so I took legal action when our son turned one. Long story short, now that we are going through the legal process, my sons father wants to make arrangements between us (out of court) and refuses to cooperate unless I make arrangements with him outside of court. Needless to say, he has still not paid any child support and I am waiting for the default judgement to be entered since he did not contest any of the paperwork he received. He has also not showed up to our mediation appointment or taken the parenting class that was ordered.

How can I go forward like this? Should I assume he will not be in my sons life? I strongly believe that he does not care to be in my sons life, just wants me to close the cases so he is not held legally responsible.

Any advice or tips in trying to raise a child with a man like this?


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Etta - posted on 06/21/2016




Seems as though you have tried to do your part to work things out and now you need an outside party to advocate for you so it may be wise to stick with the legal progress. Actions speak louder than words and based on his history there seems to be a lack of integrity. He has not paid child support or visited his son, so would you say he is not parenting? He does not have to be in his sons life, but that does not release him from financial responsibility. He makes the choices and there are
consequences. Save your energy so you can be the best parent for your son.

Dove - posted on 06/21/2016




You get the court orders for custody, visitation, and child support... and then it's up to him whether or not he sees his son. It's not easy... that's for sure, but you just focus on yourself and your child and you'll get through it.

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