co parenting with a narcassistic ex mother-n-law

Jessica - posted on 01/15/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )




I am having a very difficult time trying to set co-parenting guidelines for structure with my ex-mother-n-law. She refuses to let me help. She wont even communicate with me on his progress, what types of things he is into. How she is teaching him simple things like numbers, colors, shapes, and letters. I would just like to be civil with her, but her resentment toward me is too strong. I have tried to explain that its for Avery's well being but she still wont budge. She even has him calling her mom. I am currently fighting a chips case with her. I was charged with abandonment and neglect because i was incarcerated, due to me taking the blame for my ex husband selling drugs. While i was in and he was out, using and driving with my son in the car...HIGH ON HEROIN! i repeatedly told cps about this and was disregarded. I also told the drug unit details on his use and selling of drugs, which finally produced some progress. He is now in prison for selling heroin and having the utensils accessible to the kids, 6th DWI, and bail jumping. I understand that my words are cheep and the decision to protect my husband at the time has changed my relationship with my son as well as put a label on me. When i was in my ex-husband continued to sell and use drugs, got involved with an 18yr old girl (he was 31) and then divorced me, then stole from his mother (money, credit cards, and jewelry) and he said that all of that was me. I have no way of proving myself innocent and at least be civil with her so we can continue to improve Avery's lifestyle and overall look on healthy relationships. I need tips on how to come to a happy medium.....some co-parenting skills or things i can do with or without her to improve the situation and alleviate the stress my son is experiencing. Where do i go for legal advice about the other things going on with cps which i believe are unjustified? I feel lost, desperate, and helpless.


Maria - posted on 01/16/2015




Hey Jessica, I see that you are in a really difficult situation. I also had a separation because of my husbands dug and alcohol issues. The can be many place to for free legal advice and even free representation but it is different depending on where you live. You'll have to do the work to find out by making a lot of phone calls. Try calling your local legal aid and/or law society, they might know where to go. Also, sometimes women's shelters or community centres will have lawyers come to give free advice or they will know where you can find that. You could also always try the local law school as sometimes there are legal clinics. Good luck.


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/16/2015




Check into legal assistance in your area. Ask your family for help. Ask your friends for help.

What are the orders regarding his custody and care? Is she abiding by those orders? It may not be that she's 'not allowing' you, it may be that the court has ordered that you have no decision making power in the custody and care department, based on your past decision making skills.

You say that you "have no way of proving myself innocent". Honey, if you're innocent, there's proof. If you can't provide proof, then there's most likely something lurking that isn't 'innocent', which may be what is hindering you in your attempts.

If you can get mediation, you should request (in the beginning) visits with your son at a non involved 3rd party's location, continue to work to show that you are not an addict, and that you are working to get on your feet, and then it should be possible for you to get more regular custody.

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