Co-Parenting with an ex...does it ever get easier?

Ana - posted on 06/18/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am beyond frusterated. My ex husband has physical custody of our son. I try to co-parent but at every oppurtunity he tries to shut me out of my sons life. I feel I'm in a constant battle to just do the simplest things like pick him up from school. During the summer months when I have him it gets even worse. He calls non-stop and makes my son feel guilty that he is with me by telling him how lonely he is and how much he misses him and can't do anything without him. My son is 8. I feel like this is emotional abuse and manipulation. I don't know what to do. I've tried to address these issues and instead of working with me he gets defensive and spiteful. Help! Is there any light at the end of this tunnel?


Ev - posted on 06/18/2015




I had similar issues with my ex but it was more on letting me know when appointments with doctors, the school, and other important things were because though we had joint custody, we both were supposed to make the choices. He always waited until after te fact to tell me about things that the kids had done. The regular doc visits or sick visits, optics visits and such were not a big deal but my son had some things he was diagnosed with and I was not told so I could be there to go over the information needed and instead the step mom took that place when she hardly knew my son at all...(married into the family for a couple years at this time). I went back and forth with him on it. All you can do is take it to court and file it as harassment. But make sure you write down dates, times, what is said and so on so that it can be admitted to the judge. He can call and talk to his son but he does not have to do all this other stuff and make the kid feel bad.


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MaryAnn - posted on 06/18/2015




How long has this been the arrangement? Dont know if that truly makes a difference... but it could paint a clearer picture of things.
Sometimes, it takes a long time for parents to settle into the new reality, especially when they feel hurt. There can be control issues and things can get downright nasty.
It can take a lot of time and a lot of trial and error... but you can find common ground in your child, and learn how to communicate, if even indirectly. Police station pickups and drop offs, communication with teachers/doctors/relatives, online family wizard type apps and a clear custody order are all assets that can really help when talking directly isnt as effective as it should be.
If mediation to figure out communication plans is unlikely, and you are still finding yourself overly anxious, maybe a counsellor for just yourself might help.

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