COM becoming too hateful

User - posted on 07/22/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

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does anyone else notice that if you disagree with something thats controversial no matter what it is....or if you dare have your own opinion on here anymore u get blocked almost immediately or your threatened, or called mean and hateful names? i used to think it was so helpful to come on here for support but there just seems to be lacking that anymore. its sad.....

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[deleted account]

I have found that COM is becoming hateful.



I have a member here for sometime and do see the same threads that tend to pop up reguarly eg spanking/breast v's bottle/ cio. Although in saying that I did just make a post on a mother who asked about breastfeeding and bottle feeding.



No matter how you parent, your always going to get somebody who dissagrees with you or on another note,on COM you get put down, names get exchanged etc.

Johnny - posted on 07/22/2009

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I don't have a problem with these debates, I appreciate being able to see the myriad of different ways people raise children, whether I agree with them or not. I think knowing how passionately people feel about their child-rearing styles helps us to understand how we end up with such diverse people & opinions in everyday adult life & situations. Personally, it helps me to get a better sense of what I believe in and how I think I should raise my child. There are many different ways of doing things, and if you only hear about the ways you already know, then you have no opportunity to expand or find your own way.

For me, the internet has helped me realize that I believe very strongly in breastfeeding, baby-led weaning, and attachment parenting, confirmed my choice to cloth diaper, and those nasty spanking threads have actually given me a few ideas about how to practice alternative discipline methods (because I am hoping to avoid spanking as much as possible). But that's me, and that is what I have learned. It has expanded my horizons and hopefully will make me a better mother. I have chosen from the multitude of parenting approaches displayed on here what works for me & my family.

I think if we approach these topics accepting that there are going to be smart posts, crazy posts, rude posts, funny posts, helpful posts, etc., it is possible to find some support & learn stuff at the same time. I do get tired of the rudeness & nastiness some people display, but I figure that they are generally not worth bothering with because undoubtedly they have bigger problems in their real lives that are causing them to act out on the internet. I have occasionally reported people who are behaving in an inappropriate manner or making racist etc. comments, even if I agree with their parenting ideas.

One thing I have noticed is that some moms on here are way to sensitive, IMHO. The moment someone strongly disagrees with their point of view, even if done so politely, they freak out. If we are going to be on a site like this, you've got to suck it up and take it. Some people are going to be strongly opposed to your ideas, and that is okay. If someone disagrees with my perspective, that's fine, if I have facts to back me up, I'll post them, but if it's just my opinion, then I have no need to respond. I have been attacked on here before, and I'm sure it will happen again, but it won't send me away crying, it's just the internet.

?? - posted on 07/22/2009

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I would suggest you tell the whole story instead of just your "poor me" side :) I'm in shock that you would go to a new community and have your first post be something as rude, mean and negative as yours was. And then you come here and talk shit. Grow up. Please.



For those of you who care to know what Christina is talking about; there was a thread posted about characteristics that people found to be rude and nasty. I posted that women who read a book, people who say they run a day care and people who have 182372108731 kids CLAIM to be EXPERTS and their mommier-than-thou attitudes are RUDE and they are NASTY. And that people who assume instead of ask questions are rude people.



Christina then assumed I meant that I thought ANYONE who is involved in child development or psychologys is a quack - which is complete and total bullshit. And she also decided to take MY humor and be offended by it - which is entirely her own issue.



I suggest you open your mind before you open your mouth Christina, lest you look like a complete and total tool.



Anyone who would like to come over to Debating Mums and see what a wonderful atmosphere our discussions have, you are more than welcome to do so. We have admins and moderators who actually care for a good discussion and we all do our part to make sure the dramatics stay to a minimum.



Christina - I believe, has completely lost her welcome at the community because of her sour initial approach. We hope that her post here won't be a bad influence on your idea of our community. If you take the time to go and read the posts there, you will see it's a very friendly, helpful place with members that genuinely try to help.

Libby - posted on 07/22/2009

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I honestly believe it's because of all the attention people draw to this kind of negativity that makes it multiply. Ignore it and move on. Go to the threads that you find helpful and that you can help in. I am in some of the other forums on here and I haven't run into any of this there. People just need to get over it. Really, this is just internet land. It doesn't mean anything in the big picture of things. If someone is one here hunting down others that are negative and what not, then they have too much time on their hands and should redirect that time into their real life. I try not to stress over the little things. Especially something as microscopic as people not getting along on the internet.

Libby - posted on 07/24/2009

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Jo, I certainly didn't mean to mis-read anything you said. Not sure why you say "yet again". But when you say it's attitudes like mine, you infer that is how I feel. That's fine, it's obvious that's not how I feel. I don't think it's right that any of that nasty type of behavior is happening. It sounds like we agree on that. Perhaps what we disagree on is what to do when that happens. I feel it's just simple enough to flag the post as inappropriate and move on. But there are those that feel the need to speak their mind. And then it's the constant banter that goes back and forth that just seems like a waste of time to me.



I like your redonkulous word, I'll have to use that sometime. Because you're right, that's what all of that crazy behavior is....redonkulous. Also, to clarify sweetie, when I'm saying this is "internet land", you are using that to portray that people with that mentality think it's ok to do these mean things online. But truly what I'm saying about the internet is we shouldn't get THAT worked up over anything that happens here (it doesn't mean I'm saying it's ok for it to happen b/c it's "just the internet"). I too have made great friends and have bonded with a lot of people who have gone through similar things that I have. I don't think going to anybody's defense is wrong, or saying if you support their ideas or opinions. What I'm saying is wrong is all of the name calling, arguing, etc. And that's when you have to let some of that roll off your back and not get so worked up over something that really doesn't amount to much in your daily life.



Perhaps some of this matters too much to some because they have the ability to spend hours upon hours online and get too involved in these situations. That's when I would tell that person to take some time away from all of those threads and people and use some of that time constructively in their own lives instead of fueling the fire. It's really not good for the soul. People seem to be getting so upset and stressed and probably raising their blood pressure over a thread on the internet. Not worth it to me. I have other things that stress me out and raise my blood pressure.



I really do like coming to COM and any of the other threads to ask for advice and to give advice and support. I guess if some people don't they'll leave or just keep coming back to complain. I think I just saw another thread that had a similar title to this one. It doesn't surprise me. But it's a way of life. It is REALLY hard not to complain about something. I know for me that I have had so many big things happen in my life in the last year that I really try not to complain about the little things that go on (like I probably would have before I experienced these huge changes). But not everybody can feel that way because we all haven't gone through the same experiences. I'm just trying to express that there are bigger and more deserving things out there that need our attention than an argument on the computer.



Well, I don't mean to mince words. I'm truly not disagreeing with you. Just trying to explain my point a little better because it seems I portrayed it in a different light that gave you a different impression than what I wanted to give. Oh, and to clarify, I wasn't singling you out about posting the other side of the story. You weren't the only one who did that. And you weren't the one who even brought it up first. I was just saying that it really didn't matter to me what happened in another thread. Perhaps others did care about it. I just thought it was silly to bring something into this thread that was from another thread, and another forum at that. I do understand why you would defend someone. I just don't think this was the place. Again, I am quick to ignore anybody that wants to tattle tail on somebody else, so I wouldn't worry about what anybody else was coming here to say about you or whoever else the tiff was about. I certainly wouldn't see you in a bad way because someone else used all of that energy to make a big spectacle out of a situation that had nothing to do with this. So, I'm just saying, don't sweat it. I don't think anybody else is too worried about it.

36 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 07/25/2009

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i know it was horrible... but i think the thing that hurt the most is that i am a very independant lady!! yes i have a husband yes i bake pies, but i also have a career... one that i had to go to college for!!! but i moved on... some people are just crazy.... :) we should start a new room ( or whatever its called) thats titled "NO DRAMA just answers" lol

Bev - posted on 07/25/2009

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unfortunately, the biggest downside of the Internet is that you have some loose cannons out there who enjoy causing alot of grief for people. the best way to deal with toxic people is to IGNORE them. Don't respond. They feed on controversy. Flag their comment as inappropriate if you think it is and let the administrator deal with it. Life's too short to get yourselves in an uproar over some nin-cow-poop....

Johnny - posted on 07/24/2009

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what's wrong with baking pies all day long?!?

not to diminish how insulting that person was to you Sarah, but what an idiot! (i know, i'm calling names *slaps own hand*).

Libby - posted on 07/24/2009

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Sarah, that's horrible that was done to you. Apparently someone was having a bad day, or perhaps a bad life. I hope you can over look that and just try to look at the good advice and support.

Sarah - posted on 07/24/2009

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i dont know which forum or whoch member it was... nor do i care... but once i was told that i was a no good high school drop out who lived off my husband and baked pies all day long... all over a post about when to start feeding your baby (baby) solids... i totally understand where you are comming from... i didnt join this place to get slamed about how I have chosen to raise MY son!! you know?? i do find it kind of amusing that people think after you post one thing as simple as: "i started baby oatmeal and veggies ant 4 months with the OK from my DR" ... they think they know exactly who you are and feel the need to judge you... i just let it go now!!! no matter what anyone says, he/she is still YOUR child and no one an take that athority away from you.. (well almost no one) :)

Rachel - posted on 07/24/2009

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If you post a question or an opinion ON THE INTERNET you are going to get a wide array of opinions and suggestions. If you are brave enough to share with the whole wide world then you should take everything everyone says with a grain of salt and use your own gut.

Isobel - posted on 07/24/2009

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I think its comical...a post about COM becoming hateful then a bunch of women get on and attack each other...LMAO!

Johnny - posted on 07/24/2009

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Perhaps we should all just let this thread go the way of the dodo bird, EXTINCT. It's just becoming an example of what the original poster was talking about.

Oh, and I just joined Debating Mums a day or so ago, and so far I think it's just great. Very respectful & fun.

?? - posted on 07/24/2009

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Libby, you absolutely mis-read what I said - yet again. I never once said YOU think it is OK for anybpdy to talk nasty because it's "internet land". I said that it's attitudes like that, people who think "It's just internet land" so they will say whatever they want ignoring the meaning/implication behind their words and if the people truly come here for it's original intention - support, advice, comraderie - accept that, accept that attitude, then we might as well just close down COM and let the bitches have their way with it.



Even though it's the internet doesn't mean it's ok to be a bully or a mean critical person. Bullying and trash talking isn't acceptable to me and I refuse to just sit idly by when people I have genuinely come to bond with as fellow mothers are being singled out, hurt and purposefully offended by the ones who have the "it's just the internet" mentality.



Again, I only posted the other side of the story so that people who were curious would know and would have both sides as to not make a biased judgement of the women on Debating Mums. Especially when it was only ONE girl (Christina) who has EVER taken ANYTHING in that light from our community and as someone who TRULY uses Debating Mums as a support and place to go to bat ideas around - I came to the defense of our community.



This thread, I think, happens to be a WONDERFUL venue to let members know about Debating Mums - it's a community that is everything that Welcome To Circle Of Moms page is not. And I am going to PIMP THE HELL out of our community while I am replying to this thread - because DRAMA brings readers, people who want the real debates, I hope they will come to Debating Mums and participate and the drama queens that come - they won't last long because we have the support of our admins and mods to keep things in control - something that is SERIOUSLY lacking on other communities.



Obviously people who are stalking people online and following each other around need to get a life. That's just redonkulous (Travelosity Gnome hahaha I don't blame anyone who complains about the trolls on this site - and I certainly don't blame anyone for wanting to leave - I WANTED TO LEAVE - and then I found Debating Mums and I FUCKING LOVE it there.



But like I said - we don't want the "it's the internet" mentality there. We all have feelings, we all have opinions, we all know the power of a word - and not a single one of us has any more right to be here than the other. I'm sure you can understand that. And I would hope you are able to see that in one way or another we are on the same side of this "discussion".

Amber - posted on 07/24/2009

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oh who cares. Where all mothers and I get to listen to my children argue all day. Then I come on here and everyones arguing like catty high school girls. Everyone is intitaled to thier opinion first of all. Secondly the world is full of rude people and yes most of us probably fall under that category but lack the ability to understand yes you are rude, grow up. And this includes me sometimes too. I have no tolereane for ignorant people though. Let people say what they want thier opinions matter too and like your moms probably said "if you ain't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Libby - posted on 07/24/2009

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Jo,

Perhaps you misread what I've said. I never said it was OK for anybody to talk nasty because this is "internet land". But people are turning it into something more than it needs to be. There are literally people stalking each other and attacking them in every thread they go into. Really, who has time for that?! I think people are taking it too far. If you disagree with that, that's fine. But it is ridiculous to think that people get so worked up over what they read online. It is really a personal choice. You can either choose to ignore it and simply take in the good advice and guidance, or you can choose to let it bother you and post things in retaliation. It's simply proving the point of all the posters with these topics. This isn't the first thread that's popped up about people being nasty online. And when people come here to be nasty to each other it is confirming that people can't control themselves. No wonder people want to complain about it and possibly leave the forums. Do you blame them? I don't go for the he said/she said mentality. I don't care what's happened on other forums or threads. And bringing all of that into another thread of forum is just stirring the pot yet again. I think just letting it go is the best way to deal with it.





Melissa,

I don't come on here enough to know who you are, so I cannot even begin to know what you are talking about. I'm not being nasty to anybody. But if you feel that being nasty is telling people they should let the nastiness go, then I guess you have a right to that opinion. And I've only been involved in two controversial threads, one about religion and one about home birthing (and that was literally several months ago), so as far as following the pack I think you're pretty off base about me. I don't have the time nor do I care what the "pack" is doing. Nor would I even begin to know who you classify as the pack.



I guess my point is that I have too many more important things going on in my life to do what others are doing on here (following people around, being nasty, calling people names, tattle telling, etc.) I would assume that most of us also have more important things going on than what happens here. For example, we all have families to raise, some have jobs, etc. And most of us are asking for guidance on both of those issues. I know I have come here lately to ask for advice, guidance and support on some of the big issues I face in my life; like my high risk pregnancy, how to cope with the loss of my daughter, prayers for my best friend who's children and mother were murdered last month, advice on how to approach someone who is using a car seat improperly, etc, etc. That is what I use COM for.



I appreciate all of the forums and all of the people who reply to my topics. But I have to prioritize all of this. Worrying about who is arguing with who in "internet land" is pretty much at the bottom of my list. I think if we all prioritized what is really an issue in our lives a little better and ignored those that are coming here strictly to cause trouble it wouldn't fuel the fire so much. I have seen people that want to argue and complain and have even specifically said they don't have time to report the posts as inappropriate. Well, I don't see why not. If you're taking the time to constantly reply and state your opinion, then it seems to me there is time to report the posts. That's where I think some people are falling short. They may report the posts are not report them at all, but then keep going back and posting and reposting and fueling the fire (which is exactly what the trouble makers want!) It just sounds like a bunch of little kids that need more superivision. I tell my own kids to ignore it and not do the same thing the other person is doing that is wrong. Sounds like great advice for a bunch of adult women.

Mel - posted on 07/23/2009

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oh and i have to agree with you about christina, ive had no personal experience with her, but have seen on debating mums her walking in and trying to stir the pot. not nice and i do hope sarah blocks her if she messes up again

Mel - posted on 07/23/2009

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lol ive only read your last comment so far Jo, but Libby has been nasty to me on more then one occasion. she one of those who follows the pack. but i just ignore and give advice on her threads and move on

?? - posted on 07/23/2009

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Its attitudes like that Libby, that lead to people thinking its ok to talk bad about one thing or another because its just "internet land". It has nothing to do with worrying about it or not having 'bigger or better things in real life to worry about' - it has to do with people doin as you said earlier -growing up already - and realizing that other people have different opinions and that IS ok.



"Why does anybody think that anybody else cares about what happened on another thread?" it doesn't have anything to do with caring what anyone thinks about the other thread, if you had read it [here it is again for you] "For those of you who care to know what Christina is talking about" you could see that I was simply elaborating on it because people do get curious about what goes on so instead of people running off to Debating Mums and looking for a post that was deleted I just told the other side of the story.



It does however, have to do with ONE person who claims to have "joined yesterday" talking complete CRAP about a community that has STRIVED for months now, to have a PEACEFUL - NON HATEFUL - FRIENDLY - Agree to Disagree atmosphere that CLEARLY does not exist on this welcome page.



You would trust someone who tells one side of a story - a poor me they treated me so bad side of a story to boot - without even wanting to know the other side of the story? That doesn't say much really. I wasn't defending anything I did, I was telling the other side of the story - because when we work so hard to have such a friendly atmosphere to discuss and get support and find a place that isn't just "internet land" it's disgusting seeing one person bad mouth that place.



So I decided I would post - with the other side of the story so that people have both sides of what happened and I posted so that I could tell people, who WANT the same things we want in our community, they can come to Debating Mums and have a GOOD, HONEST, OPEN, REAL, debate where EVERYONE is welcome to share their opinions in a controlled enviroment - thanks to our wonderful admins and mods there.



I will add that this topic isn't about Debating Mums but any one who is reading it that wants to participate in a non-hateful community, please feel free to come and check out the Debating Mums forum :)



Libby, (and anyone else for that matter) if you do want to come join us, please leave your "internet land" mentality here on the welcome page. We are all people here, and words do have meanings - whether it's intentional or not, they are still capable of meaning more than just "words on a screen" to any one of us.

Libby - posted on 07/23/2009

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This topic wasn't really about Debating Mums Forum, but it is a topic that came up because of the original topic at hand. People may have become nasty over there, just as they have on this particular forum. I don't think it matters what forum is being looked at or pointed out. The point is that this is happening and people need to just ignore the ones who are being ridiculous. Really, aren't there more important things going on in our lives than to worry about who is being nasty in internet land?

Mary - posted on 07/23/2009

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Thought a lot before replying to this thread, but here goes...

I joined COM in December after the birth of my 1st daughter, and overall, I have REALLY enjoyed the support, comradierie and debates I've found here. As in any forum of this type, there will always be the "spoilers". I was initially a bit appalled at some of the outright nastiness an innocent query could invoke. However, as I became a bit more seasoned, I learned to appreciate the sheer entertainment value of some of the ridiculously stupid and/or heated threads!! It's often better than TV, and much akin to a Jerry Springer episode. It's also a bit pathetic, IMHO.

Truth is, there is a very EFFECTIVE means of dealing with the more obnoxious, hateful or judgemental posters....IGNORE THEM! Seriously, must of us know that these are women who are most likely bored, insecure, and lacking in outside friendships, and this is there one place to make themselves feel involved in something, important, or "smart". Often times, I think they are just trying to provoke someone/anyone into responding, and you only debase yourself by feeding into them. Honestly, if more of us could just develop the self control to just ignore them, they would most likely go away. I mean, what is the fun in posting something intentionally inflammatory if no one reponds to you?? At any rate, this is how I have chosen to navigate this community, and typically refrain from debating topics that devolve into childish games of namecalling or one-upmanship, much as I would enjoy the mometary satisfaction of really going off on some of the more outrageous women!



On a personal note, I LOVE Debating Mums, and have the utmost repect and appreciation for Sarah Moulton for starting this GREAT community for those more enlightened and mature women on here. ALL of the original members are great 'girls', and I Invite any of you to peruse this forum to see what I'm talking about, provided you are willing to respect our guidelines!! :)

[deleted account]

I think it has got better on here as far as personal insults go. Pople don't tend to call names as badly as they used to. (at least not to me anyway). At least when there was name calling people had the option of defending themselves. Now if you so much as dissagree with anyone, you are blocked or your post is deleted. I'm sure this happened to me when I respectfully posted an alternative view to an issue. I didn't call names, make accusations or be disrespectful. The OP just didn't like what I said because it was different from her own opinion.

Sarah - posted on 07/23/2009

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This is the last thing i'm going to add to this, as it's all getting off the original topic a bit!

I've had two instances of trouble in Debating Mum's. Both times it has been dealt with pretty much straight away.

I appreciate people coming on here to 'defend' Debating Mum's it's a great group of people and we all have fun and enjoy the debates.

Quite why this has been dragged over to this forum i'm not sure. This isn't a thread about my community, it's a thread about nastiness on this site as a whole. As Debating Mum's has only had two occurrences of nastiness, i'm not sure why it's coming up so much.

Anyone wants to PM me about anything that's fine. I always try to kept nastiness at a minimum.

As i've said, i'm not going to add any more on this, because Debating Mum's isn't the issue being discussed.

Let's all just try to get along on ALL forums. There's really no need for drama i don't think.

Cheers everyone! :)

Mel - posted on 07/23/2009

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Sarah - perhaps you need more moderators, i have not had much time to come on here of late so i dont know what went on, however some people are just always going to be nasty. they come on here cause they are bored and want to start crap. its a fact. a person who posts on here has said nasty things to me on a few occasions, but you move on, ive still posted on questions she;s written and i still treat her respectfully, because there is no point in dragging something on. unless the person truly hurts you and continously and delireately follows you and posts things, then really everyone should just move on and treat every thread as a new one, no matter who bis involved and dont bring up the past. i need to learn to follow these rules myself sometimes

Libby - posted on 07/23/2009

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Why does anybody think that anybody else cares about what happened on another thread? We don't need 5 people explaining why they were right and the other person was wrong. I don't believe anybody who feels the need to do that and criticize someone else. I actually tend to believe that person is the less honest one if they feel the need to defend why they did/said something to someone else. It's truly a he said/she said type of scenario. I don't believe any of it and I don't care. Grow up people!! You claim everyone else is ruining the forums but it's truly those that can't let it go that are ruining it. Must I remind you that this is the INTERNET! If this is all you have to do with your time, then do it somewhere else.

Kylie - posted on 07/23/2009

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i love debating mum's! best community on COM IMO. It was a very peaceful, respectful group until a few hiccups recently but we can all move on from that and keep up the interesting, intelligent debates.

[deleted account]

I like the site for getting different perspectives. There are plenty of helpful sugestions to be found. There alot of strongly opinionated posts. Some of them I find amusing because the information seems to be emotionally biased rather than factually based (there is nothing wrong with that in some areas in others I find it a little concerning) and the personal stuff kind of amuses me purely because I dont understand how people get so upset about a complete strangers opinion of them. The only thing I dont like is ongoing personal battles in a post because I find it becomes repetative and annoying - but then its up to me to just stop looking at those posts. The great thing about a site like this is that you can ignore those posts that you dont like and just focus on the constructive ones :)

Ez - posted on 07/23/2009

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This site is a great resource, and it's unfortunate that a few bad eggs draw the most attention and cause the most drama. This then spoils it for the rest of us who are trying to utilise this site in the manner in which it was intended - for support, advice and encouragement.

I agree with Sarah in that there WILL be disagreements, and there are places on this site where we can all deal with these disagreements like adults. Like mothers. Up until very recently this place, for me, has been Debating Mums. We come from all over the world, with various upbringings, cultural differences and political views, and yet we've still managed to keep it civil and respectful even in the most controversial of topics (vaccination, abortion, religion etc).

This all changed with the whole Rhonda/Sean/whoever-the-hell-she-is fiasco (which was almost too ridiculous for words) and all of a sudden there's trouble in paradise. We've had to add another moderator (me) because of it. And now another new member jumps in and it all hits the fan again. Quite frankly, I'm utterly annoyed. I didn't see the thread, as it had been deleted before I logged on this morning, but I see no reason why this issue has been dragged into another community.

Christina I suggest you contact Sarah, myself or one of the other moderators if you have any more problems with Debating Mums in the future, and refrain from posting about it in other forums. You must be able to see why this looks like you're deliberately trying to cause trouble, and we have gone out of our way at Debating Mums to avoid such issues.

Again, I would like to reiterate that we have had no problems with Debating Mums' regular members until this point, and I would hope this one incident doesn't put anyone off from coming and having a look.

Sarah - posted on 07/23/2009

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Things are bound to get heated on a site full of women talking about something as emotive as raising a child. People get upset, people feel put down and people get angry. However, people also make friends, get advice and support and learn new things.
There's communities on here where things seem to get out of hand, there's communities where it doesn't. I try to avoid the ones with 'drama' and stick to ones i find useful or fun.

As the admin of Debating Mum's, i've done all i can to diffuse current situations. People have complained to me from BOTH sides of the argument and i've dealt with it as best i can. This kind of thing was exactly what i DIDN'T want and i'm saddened that it has occurred and i will be trying to prevent it happening again.

I don't think there's any need for nastiness on here, it's a great site that unfortunately gets misused. I think if people just took a second to THINK about what they're writing and the way they write it, it could save a lot of hassle.
It's not difficult to be nice and it costs nothing so maybe if we all just took a second to think how what we're writing could sound to someone else it would all get a little nicer around here. :)

Andrea - posted on 07/23/2009

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I would have to say... "don't sweat the small stuff"...

truth be told we are all different, and what i say may be the stupidest thing some one else has ever heard of. and we may not agree. people may get emotional take things to to heart and then get things get heated. that's life. it's like growing up some kid called you stupid because you didn't want to be their friend. or they called you 4 eyes because you wore glasses. the good thing about growing up is that we learn that everyone has an opinion and weather it seems rude or retarded it's still thier opinion.

so if you happen to come across a post that you don't agree on, and someone comes out and calls you... whatever name in the book, don't take it to the heart. there is a lot of really good advice on COM and then there are some that you or i or the next person just may not care for. brush it off and move on.

--- - posted on 07/22/2009

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see what I mean people....

not that it matters but the tone of the post I was offended by was hurtful and rude and had some harsh language. the thread was about what makes someone a rude mom and I simply pointed out the irony of her post which was in fact very rude. I was never rude in doing so and never name called or said hurtful things but that is what I got in return. I was told debating mums was a great community but unfortunatley the first post I stubled across was that one. why I am being singled out I have no idea. I was simply debating the irony of her tasteless post in a "debate" community. I didnt want this to turn into a heated discussion on this thread but thought I shoud tell the truth of things.

I am not a bad person but i was singled out and harshly name called wich is rude and immature.

Minnie - posted on 07/22/2009

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Eh, it's going to be the same wherever you go as long as you're dealing with a controversial subject.

Don't let posts get under your skin. Respond to them if you need to correct them, but don't let the tone of posts carry into your personal life.

I personally am here to get sound factual information out there because there are probably women here reading but not posting that will be swayed by comments here. And everyone needs to make an informed choice.

Lots of people don't like my posts, but oh well, you know? Just don't let it get to you.

Amie - posted on 07/22/2009

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Christina ~ This is exactly what I meant by stirring the pot. I agree with Jo. Your welcome at Debating Mom's has been outlived on my end. There is no reason to go from one forum to another and extend the issue. You also were upset because Jo went to a different thread and voiced her OPINION. How is this any different? There's the pot calling the kettle black sweetheart. If you don't like it maybe you should think before you do the EXACT same thing.

Marta - posted on 07/22/2009

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I only find certain groups to be very negative and argumentative. Part of it stems from the annonymity of the internet. I could call someone every dirty word in the book and nothing would really happen since they don't know me and I don't know them and the chances of that person living in the same city as me and finding my address/phone number etc. are slim to none. I find it's helpful to avoid the more controversial threads such as breastfeeding, spanking/discipline, having an open relationship etc. If you only post to the threads where people are asking a simple question, or sharing their experience and asking others to share theirs then there is far less anymosity.

--- - posted on 07/22/2009

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i just joined yesterday and because I said to a mom that what she posted was offensive she called me a host of swears, said i was so full of shit my eyes were brown and my hair was starting to follow. acused me of being fake, called me stupid and a moron ad several other things. I reported her and the thread was locked but than she took it to another thread that I had not even posted on, she called me stupid and a moron once again.

I just cant believe that they let people like that be a part of a support site.

How is that behavior supportive.

i am so offended right now and in shock. I just cant believe an adult and mom to boot can have the nerve to talk like that. this was on the debating mums community.

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