Coming out to daughter

Jpt - posted on 08/03/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have a 13yo daughter who is very bright. I am bi and have been in a LT relationship with a fem friend for 5 years. My husband is very supportive, but would like some advice about how to come out to my daughter.


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Jodi - posted on 08/04/2014




OK, my biggest concern here is that you used the term "husband". Not soon-to-be ex, or ex husband. So clearly you are still married. To me, this is more of an issue of you cheating on your husband than being bi-sexual. It is highly inappropriate to be cheating on your child's father and your husband and expect her to accept that. And what messages are you sending her about the stability of your relationship with your husband?

Chet - posted on 08/03/2014




Why would you not tell a 13 year old that you're bi-sexual or in long term relationship with another woman?

Homosexual and lesbian relationships are normal. There is no reason to hide differences in sexual orientation from children or teens.

I didn't respond to this thread initially because I don't have any direct experience with coming out to an older child. Our kids are still pretty little, so i'm more familiar with the "why does Mary have two mommies?" type of stuff. I didn't expect this conversation to turn in the direction 13 being too young to know that your mom is bi though.

One thing I figured out very early on was that it was usually better to talk with kids about challenging subjects sooner rather than later. Firstly because the younger the child the easier the questions, and secondly, because when the more mature questions come at 6 or 8 or 10, you've already laid some foundation at 3 or 4 or 5 when the topic first came up.

The longer you wait the harder it will be to come out. The more explaining you will have to do to justify the length of time that you waited. Also, the longer you wait the greater the risk that you're daughter will figure it out on her own, or find out in a way that you don't want her to.

If you want her to think this is normal and okay, don't act like it's not.

Jpt - posted on 08/03/2014




Hi, No - I would rather wait until she is older, but I think she suspects and I am trying to be prepared for her questions.

Ev - posted on 08/03/2014




Do you really think it wise to tell your 13 year old child something like this right now?

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