competitive mums.....

Tina - posted on 03/03/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )




anyone else sick of people comparing children and the rate they reach milestones?its driving me crazy,its not a competition!


Iridescent - posted on 03/03/2010




Some are just competitive. But some are honestly concerned. My daughter was 6 months old and couldn't turn her head or move her arms and legs. I thought I was just remembering my first 2 children incorrectly, or imagining the problem with her! It turned out to be a very serious problem and she spent much of the next year in the hospital. And now we have 3 kids that are almost 3 years old, and I question their development all the way. All 3 are seriously developmentally delayed. Just last week I thought they were doing so much better overall (and really, they are), but they're not doing as well as I thought. We work hard with them. We have therapists here nearly every day for their 18 therapy sessions per week.

A year ago the most delayed child was testing at a 6 month age level in most areas (at 2 years old) and he now tests at a 14-15 month age level, so he's definitely improved, but it's hard. The next had tested at 15 months in most areas last year, and she now tests at 2 years even in most areas. Again, improvement, but I had thought it was more. And the third tested at 14 months in most areas last year, but this year tests at 20-22 months in most (except attention, which is still at 14 months). So they're all improving but it makes me really question appropriate development for their age, or imagine they are doing better than they are overall. It's not always that the mom wants to brag about her child; sometimes she just isn't sure.


View replies by

Erica - posted on 03/03/2010




my step-grandfather does this and it pisses me off. he has a great grandson 2 weeks younger than my son and every little thing that my son did, his great-grandson was doing for at least a month already. on top of that, he makes snide comments about how the baby's mother looks like she never had a baby and how fat I am. I get very depressed after I have children and I gain weight like crazy. Sometimes people just want to be mean and make it seem like you're a bad mother. Babies all meet the milestones at different times, but all of that doesn't matter cause by the time they hit kindergarten, they're all going to be on the same page.

Lara - posted on 03/03/2010




I hear you Tina!! All children grow in their own time and own speed.... as long as your child is hitting those milestones, why do I care that Little Billy wrote a concerto at age 5 while my child thought eating play-doh was just the ultimate thrill? *grin* People truly need to step back and just enjoy childhood...

Richelle - posted on 03/03/2010




Yes, agree that mothers need to stop doing this to each other. Being a mother is hard enough and we should be supporting each other not being competitive.

I used to smile and be quiet when people made comments on how big my daughter was. Then one tired day I just told the women in the department store that her comment was uncalled for and rude. She didn't know what to say and walked away. After that I stopped being quite and if people want to be rude; I'd tell them politely that they were being rude. The funny thing is now my daughter is small and skinny she was just a big baby and now people make comments about how small she is. (You can never win)

But regardless being competitive is something we all have to deal with in society. Teenagers do this to each other and make mean comments (especially girls). I've even heard of elder people comparing each other on how energetic one person is and how sick the next is.

However, listen to teachers or childcare providers and family. Sometime grandmothers or mothers are experienced enough to see things that may need to be addressed by a doctor. Or even if the child is behind on speech or learning and may need some extra time help so they don't fall behind. A child can become very frustrated if they fall behind the other kids and it could effect their later schooling years. 10 Min a day practising numbers and ABC's can really help a child's confidence level in playschool. (I know this because I was one of the children that fell behind in early schooling years but after a couple of months of extra time at home with my mom I caught up and was an honour student for the rest of my schooling years.)

So I think that as long as our children are developing at a normal rate and we raise them with love hopefully they will have a good life.

Tina - posted on 03/03/2010




thanks guys,nice to know im not the only one who has to grit her teeth when i hear" isnt he doing this or that?" the point is I DONT CARE! he is a very happy baby and will do things when he wants...the baby stage doesnt last long enough as far as im concerned and im in no hurry to rush him,ive got plenty of years of him sitting,crawling ,walking ect im just going to enjoy my baby and ignore negative comments :-)

Laura - posted on 03/03/2010




I think most us need a little reassurance now and then and that's perfectly fine. We just need to remember not to get it at the expense of others.

Jenn - posted on 03/03/2010




I think part of it comes from wanting to know that their child is "normal". So if they are doing some of the same things (or more than others) then they know there is nothing "wrong" with their child. But, yeah some of it is the Mother's need for reassurance that she is a good Mum. If their child is doing x, y, and z then surely they MUST be the best Mum out there! LOL

Taralee - posted on 03/03/2010




Here, Here this is a horrible thing some mums do. I laughed when i read Nicole's comment....some ppl eh?? I had a woman ask me recently, during a yoga your daughter talking? " No" I said "she is 9 months old"...."Oh well my daughter was speaking full sentences by the time she was a year"......sure she did.....remember ppl lie too!!

Ruth - posted on 03/03/2010




Honey, my advice is to ignore them. I find parents who are always saying how their child is better than anyone else child has some serious issues themeselves and their OWN self confidence and obviously need lots of praise. I have 5 gorgeous kids who have ALL been different and hit milestones at different ages, yet they've all been fast or slow at something. Adults are all different, we all have strengths and weaknesses why on earth do parents think that children don't too? The other thing is, be happy your child is loved, nurtured and allowed to develop at their OWN pace. Most of these 'comparing' parents are also very PUSHY parents and the kids end up growing up depressed and unhappy, feeling a failure as no matter what they do, the parents push for more. Let kids grow up at their own natural pace and they'll be happier and more balanced. After all, when a child becomes an adult and is applying for university or a job, they don't ask what age they walked/talked/read etc do they? Feel sorry for these parents and their poor little ones and rest in the knowledge that you and your child are happy:) Whether a child walks at 8 month or 18 month, does NOT make you a better or worse parent:) Enjoy your little one, they grow up FAR to fast! xxxxxxxxxxx

Jane - posted on 03/03/2010




ps - Melissa - I have a know-it-all in my life too!! I just make it so I am not around her anymore!! It's just too painful, and everytime she makes a nasty comment or compares our kids, I go to my happy place, or else I would whoop her butt!! haha

Jane - posted on 03/03/2010




I hate it with a passion!! I don't understand why other mothers want to make it into a competition!! At the end of the day, whatever and however long it takes, any of our bubs to reach their milestones, is OUR business and we just need to be grateful that we have the luxury of watching our little ones walk/talk etc, when plenty of other women would love to have that opportunity you know!!

Melissa - posted on 03/03/2010




My sister in law is like that, she also judges all toys and what" her child likes" and which is "better", its so annoying, im actually getting to the point that i dont even like her anymore. In general she is just a "know it all"

Pamela - posted on 03/03/2010




I hate comparing mums and dads drives me nuts people always commented on how my boys walked so early ( 8 months) and I would make a point to say yes they are physical but who will know who walked early when they are 2.. am I proud yes but I don't go up to people and say oh my boys walking and yours is not !! but my sister inlaw who's son is 5 months younger than my oldest seems to compare them she thinks her son is behind just cause he is not talking and walking as well I have to keep tell her, yes but he has great fine motor skills ! and Ive even had people call my sons freaks cause they were waking early but they don't know my eldest didn't clap or wave until 14 months and at 2 we only have a few words !! CRAZY like the other mums pointed out who the hell cares or knows who walked early have you every asked your office colleagues if they walked early or could string sentences together at 18 months ! NO! leave our kids to be kids people let them learn and discover without pressure

Kathi - posted on 03/03/2010




We had that issue when my neice was born. It was always "well Chloe is walking and she's not one" That was a HUGE deal to everyone but us. My first daughter didn't walk till she was almost 18 months due to issues with her ears. I didn't care. I'm a teacher so I understand that kids develop at different paces. I hate when people ask me if my youngest is walking and she's only 10 months! She just mastered the army crawling! I'm not looking for her to go off and get a job so as long as she isn't walkin' she isn't going any where too quick! :)

Nicole - posted on 03/03/2010




Wait til you are standing outside of Kindergarten and they want to know if your child is reading bc their child is reading chapter books! Who cares they are all reaing chapter books in 3rd grade!

Krista - posted on 03/03/2010




Exactly. I don't know too many 25-year-olds who still can't talk, walk, or use the bathroom, so what's the big panic. Like the guy from "Shit My Dad Says" said, "The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out."

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms