Coping with daughters who keep us at a distance

Lorraine - posted on 10/29/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )




First, let me say that I do believe my daughter loves me, but on rare occasions I feel that she likes me. She is 28 years old and although she lives on her own, I pay some of her bills.That said, I always believed that as parents we should help our children, no matter what age. But I also believe that there should be some reciprocation and respect.which I don't get too much these days.

To be brief, we were always a team,from the minute she was born I adored her and gave her everything that I could from time to toys, and even became the taxi mom for her and her friends; I enjoyed it because I got to spend time with her.

Her father left when she was 4 and we struggled financially for a very long time. I did the best I could and eventually managed to secure a better financial stability. I encouraged a relationship with her father and his family and today they are quite close.They see each other more than I see her and he lives in Florida while I live one mile away here in NY.

We never really spend time together.She rarely comes over and hates to talk on the phone,so she'll text me two or three days a week. I remarried 12 years ago and believed she was happy with her stepdad because he treats her like his own and in fact he's there for her more than her own father.

The last few years have been strained by a boyfriend she had who was bad news and friends that are not a good influence. I can't say anything without her jumping down my throat.The last straw was yesterday, I called her to ask her to come and stay with us to ride out the storm. She screamed at me and hung up because it was too early(12noon). I texted her several times during the day and no answer and finally she texted back telling me to stop because I was being rediculous to get nervous about a storm.The conversations are always on her terms and I wind up backing down because I don't want her to be upset. There are other complications because we are both OCD and I think she may have some narcissistic tendencies as well. I cry when my husband goes to sleep because I am really broken hearted. I tried asking her out to lunch and shopping, but she always finds an excuse to get out of it.I am always disappointed.

Unlike this terrible storm(Sandy) things never "blow over" and settle down. I am always taking a step back to give her space but I feel that distance is just what she wants. I am at the point of resigning as a parent because I just can't handle the pain anymore. I believe that writing may be a way to ease my pain and if anyone else can share their thoughts, I would really find that a comfort.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms