Coping with death of my 19 yr old daughter who @ age 15 destroyed me

Sandy - posted on 10/28/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




My late in life baby at age of 36 was a compulsive from age of 3. I waited ten years to be married again and be able to have a second child. We were so tight and loving up to age 12 then the really bad lies starting coming out. She was a 4.0 GPA from k-1st yr of college, a cheerleader for 7 yrs, cancel one Jr yr, lead role in school play sr yr, 1st degree black belt in karate earned in adult class age 15, sang beautiful solo songs in talent shows,choir,weddings and was very respectful to teachers, etc But only few new she was a monster liar. I hated to even type that! From age 13 to 18 I heard she was telling anyone including all school personnel that I was abusing her, wouldn't feed her, locked her out of house and so much more! I adored this girl, my life was her. Why would she do this to me? I found all this out when she was 16. I tried to cope and talk with her but she continued. At age 19 she was in a horrific car accident involving just herself hitting 3 trees one at a time then rolling over several times going from college to her job. We were making some progress on her behavior then she died. She had a full military burial. She was ARMY ROTC and ARMY enrolled. She was a severe bulimic fom age 11 to death. She was never ever overweight! She was beautiful! Why????? I have no desire for a life. My mom died 2 yrs after her then my dad died 2 yrs after my mom and 2 weeks after dad I had to euthanize my dog of 16 yrs because she just shut down. I'm trying to find life in my step grandchildren and it does help. My 37 yr old daughter and I do not speak. She had issues with me after my daughter's death. Jealousy over her death which consumed me entirely. Been to every group, years of therapy but you never get over burying your child ever! Don't know what I expect anyone to say to me. I was looking at mom's conversations on their teen girls horribe lying on read all of them. 😢😢


Raye - posted on 10/28/2015




Sandy, So sorry for what you've been through. If your daughter was bulimic, then she had severe self-image issues. Her perfect outward achievements were masking her inner pain, or trying to compensate for it. She probably didn't want to admit her condition to others, so she told lies that it was you not feeding her, abusing her, or whatever. She needed more help than what you could have provided by yourself.

You have to stop beating yourself up over it. Could you have done something to help her? Possibly, but maybe not. There's no way at this point to know. So you have to stop dwelling on it. She's gone, and that sucks big time. I can't imagine having to bury a child. But you still have life left in you. You still have something to contribute to the world. Don't give up on yourself.

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