Coping with loss......

Rekha - posted on 01/12/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )




I have had three children up til now. my daughter was born in 2008. unfortunately, she died 19 days after she was born. i was so desperate to have a baby, i got pregnant again within 9 months, and had a beautiful baby boy. he is now 18 months. to finish of my family, i got pregnant (again 9 months later) and was expecting. my due date was 5th Jan. on 22nd Dec i went for a routine midwife appointment, and she told me she couldn't find a heartbeat when she listened in on the baby. she then sent me straight to the hospital where they confirmed there was no heartbeat. i had lost my baby. i still had to go through the whole labour process, but at the end of it there was no baby to go home with.
obviously, i am grateful that i have one, and he is helping me to see the good side, but i have become numb to feeling any emotions. how does one deal with such a double trauma? i cant even say i was over losing my daughter, and now i have to mourn my youngest son too? how does a person deal with something like this? i have been told i have to carry on for my middle ones sake, i know i do, but only 1 out of 3 to be happy ending doesn't seem fair at all.


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Busa Jackie - posted on 01/12/2011




l cant being to imagine how you must be going through. My heart aches for you and the only thing l can do is to keep you in my prayers. l pray that the good Lord give you comfort and under his wing to keep you warm. With his gentle hand to wipe every tear that you will shade. l am not sure if you are religious, if you are go to God and seek comfort and all the answered to the questions that you have. Please find try to find comfort to the blessing of your kid,despite everything God has given you such a blessing. Take care all the best...

Stephanie - posted on 01/12/2011




This breaks my heart and I am truely sorry for your losses. I just couldn't imagine what you're going through. I'm not sure what to do, but maybe you can do little things to try to make it "better". Like make a book for your precious babies or tell stories to your child about the babies being in heaven. You obviously can't throw away your feelings because that might make it worse. But, feel it now or it will remain bottled up for a long time and cause worse pain. Also, see if there is a support group for parents such as yourself. My sister had two miscarragies (1st trimester) and I know that she just needed people to talk to in order to somewhat heal. She has her ultrasound pic on the fridge to always remember her baby. That's her way of "healing" and I truely hope you find yours! Best wishes to you and your family!!

Melissa - posted on 01/12/2011




Im so sorry my thoughts are with you although I cant help youb as Ive never lost anyone close to me or could never begin to imagine the loss of a child

Rosie - posted on 01/12/2011




I am so sorry for your loss, the devestation you must feel I couldn't even begin to understand. I think you best bet is to go to any form of a support group or councellor to get some help to deal with your middle child.

Good luck to you and again I am so very sorry, nobody ever deserves to lose one child let alone 2.

Louise - posted on 01/12/2011




I am so sorry for your loss. This is more than one person can bear. I don't know where you are from but in England we have a charity called Cruise which deals with bereavement and will help with management of emotions and putting things into managable sized grief. May be understanding why your children died would be a good way to start was there a reason or just extreamly unfortunate to lose two little angels. I can not think of any words to bring you comfort, all I can say is put your energy into raising your son and don't dwell on this tragic loss. Make a memory box for your babies and place in it their hospital tags and pictures that you have. Nobody says you have to forget them so make this box to help you remember them. My heart really goes out to you, a big hug is sent. xx

Lissa - posted on 01/12/2011




Firstly I am so sorry for your losses and the pain you are suffering. A friend told me after the loss of her child you don't get over it but as time goes by it gets easier to get out of bed and smile without feeling guilty at being happy for a moment. You have been through so much that of course while you have to get on with things for your middle child you must also deal with your grief. While you will always be grateful you have one there are still two empty spaces in your house where your other children should be. Have you thought of doing something like planting a tree for each of your babies or something similar? I would suggest you talk a counsellor it may be easier for you to deal with your grief with an objective person, often people feel that they have to be emotionally strong when talking with family and friends. You have taken a big step just writing your post and you are managing to get up each day and attend to your son,, I think you are doing amazingly well. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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