Couch crasher STILL in my house!!! Either BIL goes or I go.

Mazy - posted on 06/12/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




I'm sorry about the length...but there's a lot venting & back story that's needed :( So, I posted about my in-law family before, and I got a lot of great & encouraging responses, however, my situation just isn't getting any better & I'm not sure how much I can take!

My husband invited his 19 year old brother to come & live with us two months ago. The kid was having a lot of problems with drugs, parents, life while living in FL & Hubs felt that he'd have better influences if he moved to CT where we are to go to school, etc. Fine. I was mad because I had no say in it, it just happened, but I did agree that the boy needed to leave FL. I never thought he'd be living with us so long!! We live in a 900 sq ft 2 bedroom house. We already have two toddlers & are expecting #3 in just 8 more weeks!! I'm also planning a home birth, so I really don't want so many people living in my house!

Ugg...ok. BIL is sleeping in the middle of my living room floor & most of the time he sleeps in VERY late, doesn't clean up his blankets, plays a lot of loud music from the computer, leaves lighters out that I'm constantly taking away from the kids, and leaves cigarette butts in the yard. So he's here & I'm dealing with it & so far have not blown up. BUT, this kid lost his cell phone in MA, so he just started using mine. At first it was no big deal, but now he even takes it with him when he leaves the house! It's my ONLY phone since we do not have a landline. He also totalled his car two weeks ago, and his rental car has to go back today & so by default he'll start using mine. Last night he was talking about when he "moves out in 3 or 4 years". WHAT?! I was hoping in another week or so!!! When I brought it up to my husband he just kind of threw it off. We even started discussing giving BIL one of the bedrooms & moving either ourselves or the kids to the screened in porch (currently used as a playroom/outdoor area).

Honestly, I am about ready to leave. My husband has been very preoccupied with everyone & everything but his children lately & it's driving me nuts. Having both him & his brother around is driving me nuts! I can't throw the kid out...where will he go? He has a part time job, but doesn't make enough to sustain an apartment. I really can't leave because I'm a SAHM (and pregnant), so obviously I can't sustain an apartment....but there are just too many people in my house & I didn't even ask for it! I've tried talking to my husband several times, but he always changes the conversation or pretty much ignores the situation. When we tried talking to BIL about his behaviour, etc he CRIED! I'm all for helping family, but this is just getting to be too much for me.


[deleted account]

So now you are saying that he is paying and not just staying, that he does things, including run to the store on his dime and buy things with his money. He is so polite that he sleeps late in the middle of your livingroom, he doesn't take your phone leaving you without one.

WHY are you giving him excuses?

Confrontation is ugly, unless your watching it on TV. Seems to me that you need to just lay it on the line and move forward, wherever that might lead.

[deleted account]

WOW! You are very tolerant. (or I am not tolerant) but whatever. This is not part of the marriage deal. Help the BIL, yes, but maybe give him a casserole and a pup tent and throw his butt in the yard.

Don't protect "his space" . The polite "we have a guest" thinking is long past. Sounds like about 3 days after he moved in, that was no longer a thing.

To get your point across, throw supper in a blender and tell them both that if they are going to act like children, you will treat them like babies and blend their food together. Tell them both, not so nicely, to grab a pair and man up.

HOOOO! I would be steamed and I am not helping here. Sorry. Will sit back and think about this and repost.

Stifler's - posted on 06/13/2012




This guy definitely needs to be paying board or something. He's 19 for christs sake. And why did you LET him take your phone?! Tell him to give it back and never touch it again.

Danielle - posted on 06/12/2012




Holy Moly!!
I think you need to sit your husband down and tell him he needs to have his brother out in three weeks or else he can start paying rent!! Make sure you both have an agreed time where you can expect him to vacate your house. Let your husband know that if he cannot handle this situation, that you will be forced to. If it comes down to it, sit his brother down and set him straight... With or without your husband.

Have you takes to his brother about the mess, and music, and late sleeping?
At this point I would stop being polite about it. If he is still sleeping and you are getting on with your day then wake him up and tell him to get his ass up, and start folding his blankets.. If you find his lighters, then I would just start throwing them out. That would solve the cigarette butts, in any case. If he asks, then say that you have mentioned it to him before and it is not only a choking hazard for your children, but a fire hazard. Start making him accountable for his decisions. You are not his mother, and do not owe him anything.

Do not move your children to the porch area, or yourselves. If he is paying rent then he can move into that space.
As for the phone and car issues.. Absolutely NO!
He will have to take responsibility and get a "pay as you go" phone, and get a bus pass! If you go into early labor you will not have a phone or vehicle!! You'll be stranded with two toddlers. Again, this also plays into the accountability issue.

I would sit him down and let him know that you expect him to be moved before the baby is born... Tell your husband that you are not tolerating it any longer, and explain why, and how his brothers presence is affecting everything. No car, no phone, cigarettes, mess, loud music, lack of space, dangerous for your children, ect. Tell your husband that he has one week to discuss it with his brother, and if he doesn't then you will.

Just reading your post is getting me all amped up!
Time to start taking a "no more pissing around" approach. Do you have family around where you can stay? Do you have the extra funds to take your children and rent a motel or something for a couple weeks or something so the seriousness of the situation can sink in?
All I can say is Holy Moly!!


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Mazy - posted on 06/13/2012




Oh thank you for the support ladies. BIL is paying rent, sort of, in the form of helping with groceries. He has to pay us 20 a week for food & electricity & he will run to the store at his expense for random items that are missed or run out early. He's polite about everything, so I feel so rotten getting so upset over it...just want my house back. I don't insist that the kids be quiet if it is after 8 am. Some how the noise just doesn't seem to bother him....I have no idea how!!! Oh, and the phone, I didn't let him leave with it, I guess it was an "accident" and he didn't know it was in his pocket *eye roll*. A friend mailed his to him from MA, so it should be here in a few days....lord I hope so because you are right, I am so afraid of preterm labor! Ugg, I hate confrontation, but I know I'll have to deal with it.

Gail - posted on 06/12/2012




I would tell hubby something needs to be done . And if he changes the subject I would change it back till we could reach a solution.

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