Could my son be sexually abused?

Kim - posted on 12/31/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My son is 4 years old. The only times he is away from home is at school or at my parents house... He has a security blanket that he likes to rub (the minky fabric) to fall asleep, he also likes to rub on my arm or hair. Hes just a kid that likes to rub something to fall asleep. -needed to tell that info before getting into the issue.
So about a week ago, he came and got in bed with us in the middle of the night to sleep. I sleep pretty hard, but woke up with his hand down in my panties rubbing my pubic hair.
A couple of nights later, he came back in and I was sleeping on my stomach, I woke up to him having his hand in my panties rubbing in my butt crack... I had a talk with him and told him that was not ok (making sure he knew he wasn't in trouble) and that you don't put your hands on anyone down there. bothered me, but I kinda let it slide because he was kinda sleeping and I thought he was just trying to rub to go back to sleep (like he does my arm and his blanket). Last night, I was sleeping on my stomach, and I felt someone pulling down my underwear. I'll be honest *i thought it was my husband so I just kept sleeping because I wasn't waking up for that*, I was more asleep than not, and I felt the tugging. Finally I felt my son's little cold hands and then his cold lips bend down and kiss my butt. I immediately say up surprised and he hurried up, laid down and started to cry because I caught him? All of this together is very disturbing, especially since last night he was obviously fully awake and aware of what he was doing... I should be concerned right? This can't be normal? What do I do? Take him to his pediatrician? Or a counselor? Please give some advice I'm really worried something is going on. Ps I googled info on sexually molestation behavior and this seems to be the only "symptom/behavior" he has had that I can relate to the info that I find online.
Scared, K


Sandy - posted on 12/31/2013




No this is not normal behavior. He needs a counsellor or a child psychiartrist, the sooner the better.
A child simply does not think to put their hands down someone's panties to 'rub something to comfort themselves'. Most kids rub fabric, not bodies.This is a serious matter. That is disturbing behavior and when parents fear abuse, sometimes they try to make it 'make sense', or downplay it.... because it's so horrible we don't want it to be true.
We protected our child like she was the most precious kid in the entire world. We were very aware of kids getting abused and watched over her carefully, I made sure I'd check out home situations before letting her stay for 'play-dates' at another childs house, made sure the daycare situation was good, made sure the private sitter looked like a good stable wholesome place. Quite simply- she was so precious to me, my only one, I was a little paranoid about it. I grew up with a couple sexually molested/abused friends and NEVER wanted this to happen to my precious daughter.
At about 3 1/2, she was on the toilet peeing, and when she got up she started punching her vagina and crying and saying she wanted to be a boy. This continued for a long time, maybe a year? She'd punch her vagina over and over and say that she wanted a penis, she wanted to be a boy. I was TERRIFIED. It's so frightening for a mother to see that. Of course she wouldn't tell me anything and I had no answers. I'd always ask her if anyone has ever touched her and she said no.
I took her to a child psychologist and she told me that my daughter had gender-identity disorder. That she was actually a boy trapped in a girls body. I think my blood stopped flowing in my veins. I was terrified beyond belief. I adamantly did not believe the shrink, never went back. Tried other counsellors but none of them figured it out.
There always seemed to be something 'off' with her. The happiness perhaps didn't always seem genuine, there seemed to be insecurity... There was something 'off'. A mother KNOWS when something isn't quite right, even if we can't put our finger on it.
She's a wonderful kid. I wouldn't pick another child, even if I had a million to pick from. She's my angel that I waited decades to have.
So over the years I'd VERY gently ask her if anyone has ever touched her privates, I even asked her about some very key important males in our lives. (Often kids are abused by their fathers, who knows these days.) The answer was always a very sweet 'No.'
Last year, at 17, she was laying on the bed reading and I was walking by and she said "I fuc__g hate *****. " (a certain race of people). I was SHOCKED. I questioned her and she said "I thought I was the fuc___g devil until just recently and I always thought I'd burn in hell." ????????????
I began gently getting the information out of her and after all these years, found out she had been sexually abused at the babysitters and school. My heart was broken. BROKEN. I had done everything in my power to protect her. It was so terribly puzzling- even still.
Sadly she had felt so guilty and 'evil' all these years- pretty much her entire life.
I am not a psychiatrist but I believe we had a 6th sense with our kids.
I may be totally wrong but I don't think it is any 'accident' that he was rubbing in a private area. A small boy does not try to touch a mothers vagina or rub anywhere down there. I know the possibility is heartbreaking. It sounds like he may have/is being abused or exposed to sexual material.
I know another single mom and she found out years later that when he had to go to daddy's, her exhusband would expose him to porn at a young age.
As scary as it is, go get help.
I knew something was wrong and only found out 14 years later, as my daughter carried that horrible secret and burden by herself all those years.
Find out. IF he was abused, best to find out sooner than later.
I wish you the very best.

Michelle - posted on 12/31/2013




Go to your doctor and tell them your concerns and get things started as far as reporting it and then it being investigated. I would also stop him coming into your bed during the night. When he wakes up take him back to his bed and get him to settle there.


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