Theresa - posted on 11/12/2009 ( 54 moms have responded )
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ok so i only want honest answers and no one to think omg she is married and does wat? with that being said my husband and i swing. up until this point i have been fine w/ it however for next arrangement he doesnt want me there it will be a girl and her b/f and him and in return im to get to be by myself w/ the girls b/f at a different time. i dont know if i like this idea cuz we have always been at the same place when doing it before and i want us both to enjoy it but something about it dont feel right...if ne one does this write me back otherwise please dont judge me.
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Krista - posted on 11/14/2009
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I think that was pretty nieve Janet... people have been doing such for ever and ever... Just by asking her why she is married is judging her... and seriously how did you think she would answer... I am willing to bet that she will say because she loves him. And I think the greatest thing that I can tell you Teresa is that you should be extremely happy that you have such a great communicative relationship with your husband, but I only say that if when (or if) you tell him you are not comfortable with this he doesn't go through with it. The only thing I know of swingers is that I lived in a town where there were soooo many of them and they were completely open with it... I even lived between two husbands and wives that were in the group of swingers of the town. I have never done this myself, however each person deserves to do what they want to do, and like I said before people have been doing so forever... back in the 50's they called it swingers or key clubs, where husband and wife would go to a cocktail party after the children were asleep and they would all put their keys in a box and when they were ready to leave, the man pick a key and whoever the key belonged to, he had that wife for the night... common knowledge as they teach children this in highschool, just as we learn of the flappers... We have also known of people who have blatently CHEATED on their wife/ husband and that is completely different... that is the worst thing one can to, because it is stealing a heart, lieing to your love, and that is cheating. The three worst things in the world, liers, cheats, and stealers combined into one. Let me remind you of the many presidents who have cheated on their wives, such as Kennedy, and this is one America's role models, and people are cheated on every day- who knows Janet maybe you have been cheated on, no one would wish that aggainst anyone. The biggest thing also as far as marriage goes, even if your husband cheated, which this is not the case for Teresa, would you not love him anymore? that may be one of America's divorce rate's bigger(est) problems, not everyone will agree with that either, however if you think about it, why would you automatically just get divoced for this? Marriage to me is forever, you get counceling, and you grow together... but again this is MY opinion and I would not say to someone who got divoced because of her husband cheating on her that she should not have because it is wrong, because I dont think that, just as I am sure that you did not mean to say to her that basically she shouldn't be married because she is a swinger, when in reality if I were to guess I would say probably 80% of couples that are swingers are married... it is their choice, and we should allow them to be married without asking why. I am sorry to everyone who had to read my rant, it just really makes me sad to see someone who may not be married or may be married, who may not have the "typical" marriage, as there is not such, etc say something that to me is just as judging as saying you shouldn't be married.... Teresa, best of luck to you, and I hope that no one asks you again why you are married because it is not up to them to judge you and you shouldn't have to defend the reason why you're married... to see that is a disgace. Much love to your family and to everyone and their families who read this.
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I have to applaud the positive replies here on this sensitive issue. For those who disagree with the original poster's marital lifestyle, either 1) question yourself how her lifestyle impacts YOUR marriage or parenting, or 2) refrain from replying in a judgemental manner.
To Theresa- I hope that you & your husband come to a resolution with this. A swinging lifestyle requires strong communication and trust. Something is lacking that your husband is feeling like he needs privacy, and that is NOT part of swinging.
~Jennifer - posted on 11/12/2009
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Theresa,
You can ask any questions you may have on this forum. You are correct, this forum is for women, mothers, wives, girlfriends, grandmothers, step-moms, adoptive moms, etc. and the issues that affect our daily lives. There are no 'wrong' questions. If someone doesns't 'want' to answer, they have the option of skipping over the thread and answering a question geared more toward their own concerns, beliefs or 'issues'.
There are also smaller communities that can be accessed via the 'my communities' link in the banner at the top of the page - try typing in 'sex and relationships' in the search box found in the 'my communities' / 'all communities' link- there's a few good ones - even one that our CoM Moderator Loureen is the administrator of........there's a lot of very frank discussion without having to worry about being 'put down' in her community - and LOTS of members.
;)
Hope this helps!
I hope you'll enjoy Circle of Moms.
~Jenn~
CoM Moderator
Krista - posted on 11/15/2009
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Wow, people who keep on judging this girl, read all the posts first, because whatever that one chicks name is that posted a bit after my last post is just as judging as the last woman, and she should read my last post... some of you on here are disgraceful and should keep your opinions to yourself, as Teresa is NOT looking to be judged, what kind of A class "harper PTA" bullcrap are you trying to pull here? And if you don't know about that song, download it because it will teach you alot about yourself and you judging this girl... Even though I am sure not everyone is a Christian in here I know everyone will agree that the Bible sends great messages... and in the bible it says that you shouldn't be the one to cast the first stone... and you who are judging this woman are doing that and then some, and then after she has already heard someone say something once, another woman comes on here and says THE SAME EXACT THING AGAIN!!! What an idiotic thing to do, Take a step back and look at your own life before you judge someone, especially asking why they are married... Oh and I just looked back in the thread and it was Jamie Jamie that said it AGAIN about 3 down from the last one. Grow Up and STOP JUDGING!!
Sara - posted on 11/12/2009
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Not to be rude, but you simply could skip over this question if you think it's inappropriate. This is a site for moms to get support, and being a mom isn't only defined by kids but it's about your relationships and SEX (isn't that how we all became moms in the first place?). There are a plethora of threads on here about relationships and I don't think they're inappropriate at all. So, let this lady get advice from other moms and just don't comment if you have nothing constuctive to add to the conversation.