Custody Battle of a Newborn- please share your thoughts...

Danielle - posted on 12/17/2009 ( 238 moms have responded )

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My cousin had her baby this week and the father wants 50/50 (her one week, him one week) custody of the baby. He is her ex-boyfriend. This ding dong doesn't understand that a NEWBORN can't be away from his mother for a whole week at a time. THEN...to top it off because she said no, she wont do that, he threatens to take the baby away completely!!! What an idiot...the state of Texas wont even take a baby from a drug user/addict alot of the time much less a regular person. He thinks he's better suited since he owns a home/makes $100,000+ a year and she makes less than half of that and has an apartment. He's already hired a lawyer and about to file a suit, she can't afford a lawyer and Is scared to death that he'll win. It's hard enough to raise a baby on your own, then to have someone putting all of this stress on you and trying to take him away. Share your thoughts please, be brutally honest.

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KC - posted on 12/23/2009

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Quoting Nancy:

In Canada, it has been shown and researched and yes, 50/50 custody is where the courts START with Canadian family law.
Yes, having a newborn is very stressful, but if the parents are not together, when can the father bond with his child unless he is given just as much access as the mother. Having a good strong bond with both parents is what is best for the child.
Sometimes mothers die in childbirth and the fathers take care of a newborn all by themselves, so it is possible.
This would hurt me too if I was the mother, but I see custody battles all the time in the work I do, it almost always gets ugly, and the kids end up hurting. T
he best thing for the CHILD is to have equal access to her parents. Every child has the right to know and bond with both her parents. Period.


Unless her dad is an ass. 

Melanie - posted on 12/23/2009

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Quoting Sendy:

well even than melanie I see your point but sometimes you cant pump specially if ur under emotional stress than what ? I mean the best way would be to try to work something out whether through court or between them



Thank you, that is what I have been trying to say. I understand she's under a lot of stress, I know the stress she's going through. The 1st time I was threaned with cusidy my son was 2 years not a fresh baby, and with her hormons all over the place. I just wanted to show other alter. before this got out of control and ended up in the courts. I just have a hard way of getting things across. 

Jennifer - posted on 12/23/2009

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Just my two cents and not wanting to pick at anyone in particular....not everyone is able to sustain a milk supply when they are primarily pumping. I struggled for 2 months after I went back to work to be able to continue breastfeeding and could not keep up with my son's needs even pumping/nursing constantly.....I was fortunate enough to be able to adjust my work schedule in around his feeding schedule.

I do think that Dad should be involved, but 1 week on 1 week off or even several nights in a row is just not feasible at this point. I echo a lot of the above comments that maybe both parents should take a step back and actually think about what is REALLY best for the child instead of letting emotions rule the situation. Mediation can really help and avoid the lengthy court battle. It does sound a little bit like he is not seriously wanting custody, but just using the child against the mother. Just my opinion.

I hope things work out for this child...he definitely doesn't deserve to have all of this stress and turmoil around him as he begins this life.

Cathy - posted on 12/22/2009

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Tell her to meet with a lawyer and explain case. She can ask judge to award her lawyer fees especially if he makes so much more money than her. Her best bet is to meet with a lawyer who will agree to take case on bases of if she looses he doesn't get paid and if she wins baby's father pays court and lawyer fees. I think that judge may award lawyer fees no matter what out come is just because he brought case into system. In California a lawyer doesn't even really help in custody situations because everything goes thru a mediator. Your lawyer doesn't do anything except file paperwork. He isn't allowed to do anything with the mediation process.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Vicky:

Every child goes through separation anxiety, Melanie. It's a part of growing up as a child is learning the distinction between parents and non-parents, family and strangers, as well as object permanence and time. Child custody and separation is a very traumatic experience for all involved and it's true - no one wins in these situations, especially the child. The best one can hope for is that the parents (and may I suggest you do as well) set aside their personal emotional investment in the failure of the relationship and focus on providing the best environment for the child to be raised. Emotional posturing and verbal attacks are only useful for those who don't care how ineffective they wish to appear to those around them. The man is intelligent enough to command a job with a nice salary as well as competent enough to afford and maintain a lavish home. This does not mean that the mother is or will lose her child. How they present themselves in court is what matters - how knowledgeable she's made herself of the situation she is in, as unfortunate as it is, and how well she documents the events. The courts will take into account how much each party makes and the court will also take into account the stability of the caregivers.
As far as pumping and breastfeeding - the finer points of this should be discussed in another thread. This is something that she shouldn't stress about because it will negatively affect her milk production. She's breastfeeding now, and if the father hadn't filed the papers as of the middle of the month or even that week, he won't be able to until after the holidays. Take into account that Texas does have a requirement in which the petitioner must be a resident of the county in which he is filing for at least 60 days. After that, there is a 30 days period (but the reason escapes me at the moment). Add to that, the respondent must be served, at which point she could delay this another month. Finally, because she is the mother and she has custody of the child, if they live in different counties, the case will need to be filed in HER county. The bottom-line is that she still has time to do her research and get a lawyer. While it's stressful, she should do what she can to minimize her stress in this extremely troubling time as this does affect her milk production. If she has reason to believe that the father would take the baby - effectively kidnapping the child - then she needs to do what she can to protect herself and the baby. If the cousin is near, I would advise that she help her as much as she can, as should the rest of her family and friends. Minimizing stress by focusing on her needs and providing her with as much accurate information as we can, through our own experiences and/or knowledge, I would like to think, is how and why this forum was created. While I, were I in Danielle's shoes, would not take this discussion into court and expect a landfall win, I would hope that all those opining would seek to enlighten HER and give HER support as well as HER cousin as they go through this.


I totally agree with you, and thank for providing the info. I was lacking, seeing I live in NV an not TX. I am being sincere here.

Sendy - posted on 12/22/2009

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well even than melanie I see your point but sometimes you cant pump specially if ur under emotional stress than what ? I mean the best way would be to try to work something out whether through court or between them

Sendy - posted on 12/22/2009

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Go on line google pro bono lawyers these are lawyers that will take the case for free also in court they should be able to get her a lawyer , but just in case first look for one pro bono also if she is not breast feeding the baby tell her to start now and that will give another reason why they cant take the baby away also get documents on her babies health and hers just in case so that she has a good chance get a letter from job and any other letters that can back her up .

in the past i've had to do that and it actually worked i'll be praying for her .

sendy herrera

Vicky - posted on 12/22/2009

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Every child goes through separation anxiety, Melanie. It's a part of growing up as a child is learning the distinction between parents and non-parents, family and strangers, as well as object permanence and time. Child custody and separation is a very traumatic experience for all involved and it's true - no one wins in these situations, especially the child. The best one can hope for is that the parents (and may I suggest you do as well) set aside their personal emotional investment in the failure of the relationship and focus on providing the best environment for the child to be raised. Emotional posturing and verbal attacks are only useful for those who don't care how ineffective they wish to appear to those around them. The man is intelligent enough to command a job with a nice salary as well as competent enough to afford and maintain a lavish home. This does not mean that the mother is or will lose her child. How they present themselves in court is what matters - how knowledgeable she's made herself of the situation she is in, as unfortunate as it is, and how well she documents the events. The courts will take into account how much each party makes and the court will also take into account the stability of the caregivers.
As far as pumping and breastfeeding - the finer points of this should be discussed in another thread. This is something that she shouldn't stress about because it will negatively affect her milk production. She's breastfeeding now, and if the father hadn't filed the papers as of the middle of the month or even that week, he won't be able to until after the holidays. Take into account that Texas does have a requirement in which the petitioner must be a resident of the county in which he is filing for at least 60 days. After that, there is a 30 days period (but the reason escapes me at the moment). Add to that, the respondent must be served, at which point she could delay this another month. Finally, because she is the mother and she has custody of the child, if they live in different counties, the case will need to be filed in HER county. The bottom-line is that she still has time to do her research and get a lawyer. While it's stressful, she should do what she can to minimize her stress in this extremely troubling time as this does affect her milk production. If she has reason to believe that the father would take the baby - effectively kidnapping the child - then she needs to do what she can to protect herself and the baby. If the cousin is near, I would advise that she help her as much as she can, as should the rest of her family and friends. Minimizing stress by focusing on her needs and providing her with as much accurate information as we can, through our own experiences and/or knowledge, I would like to think, is how and why this forum was created. While I, were I in Danielle's shoes, would not take this discussion into court and expect a landfall win, I would hope that all those opining would seek to enlighten HER and give HER support as well as HER cousin as they go through this.

Cat - posted on 12/22/2009

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"See I don't feel the baby will be "essentially be traumatized." Ever heard of seperation anxity? It's easiest for baby's to get use to more then 1 person taking care of them as soon as posible. The longer you wait to seperate the child from the only parent taking care of them, the harder and more traumatizing it will be for THE CHILD! Have any of you taken psychology? Babies don't remeber SHIT, till age 5 or old. Unless it's a REAL life threating experiance, feeding from a breast one week and a bottle for an other is not a trauma. You people are taking this shit to the worst, never been documented, cause that could happen. Point being, I said it before they both need to grow up and act like adults, for THE BABYS BEST INTEREST! not what they want. She can pump and it won't harm the baby. Plus this way the baby has a chance to bond with both parents and it will become routine to all even baby."

As a matter of fact, I have taken psychology, early childhood psychology to be exact. I am a teacher in addition to being a breastfeeding mother, and MY mother is a lactation and nutrition consultant. So I have some clue what I am talking about. And yes, I have heard of separation anxiety.

If you read and understood my post, you would see that I agree it is best for baby to get used to both parents as soon as possible, so baby isn't traumatized when one parent is not there. But that will not happen if baby is only seeing one parent for 7 days at a time. Baby will get used to seeing ONE parent and one home, then lose that parent and that home, and then spend the next 7 days getting used to the other one just in time to lose it again. Week on, week off won't become routine for a baby until they're old enough to REMEMBER last week...say around 4 or 5. As you say.

Just because baby can't remember something doesn't mean it's good for him/her. What this does is teach baby the world is not a safe place. They don't remember much consciously from the early years, but that is when their emotions are being formed, and when they are learning to trust.

In addition, switching back and forth between bottle and breast - not one or two bottles a day, which would not be a problem, but a whole different pattern each week - it means having to relearn to eat every week as well, and that can cause digestive problems as well as developmental ones. Pumping is fine, that's not the problem. Breastfeeding is better, but formula is okay when breastfeeding isn't available. The problem is trying to change around once a week. Humans are diurnal. That means we have a DAILY body rhythm built in, NOT a weekly one.

Also, all y'all who say baby needs mommy 24/7.....No. All baby needs 24/7 is love and care. Baby needs to see the same few smiling faces every day, and to have a predictable world. It doesn't matter to baby if that's mommy, mommy and daddy, or mommy and Aunt Sue, or daddy and grandma, or Grandma and Uncle Joe and Cousin Millicent, as long as they're totally committed to baby for the long haul, and baby knows they will still be there tomorrow. Not next week.

Trina - posted on 12/22/2009

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I think that upsetting a newborn's world every week is WRONG & could possibly have serious long-term impact. I knew someone who had 50/50 & they would switch every 3 months, the little girl would be traumatized for the first month in a new home. Very selfish on the part of the father, who put his own selfish need for revenge or power above the well being of his child. Good luck to your friend!

Cat - posted on 12/22/2009

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I think Dad ought to be able to see the baby every day. It's good for baby. If he's making that kind of money, I assume he works. He could come by mom's place after work every day and give her a break, just like a married dad would. Or she could take baby to his place and go to a movie, shopping, visit friends.... She could even pump once a day if dad wanted to take baby for say 4 hours a day on weekends.



And yes, dads can take care of babies just as well as moms, and for just as long at one time. Mine does, and baby loves it.



And yes, Melanie, if she HAD to, she might be able to work out the breastfeeding the way you suggest, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.



There are a lot of possibilities that don't involve baby being completely deprived of either parent for long periods of time. What matters here (assuming both parents are loving and competent) is stability and routine. With 7 on, 7 off, breastfeeding or not, a newborn would essentially be traumatized, uprooted and starting over once a week; they have no time sense yet!

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Cat:

I think Dad ought to be able to see the baby every day. It's good for baby. If he's making that kind of money, I assume he works. He could come by mom's place after work every day and give her a break, just like a married dad would. Or she could take baby to his place and go to a movie, shopping, visit friends.... She could even pump once a day if dad wanted to take baby for say 4 hours a day on weekends.

And yes, dads can take care of babies just as well as moms, and for just as long at one time. Mine does, and baby loves it.

And yes, Melanie, if she HAD to, she might be able to work out the breastfeeding the way you suggest, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

There are a lot of possibilities that don't involve baby being completely deprived of either parent for long periods of time. What matters here (assuming both parents are loving and competent) is stability and routine. With 7 on, 7 off, breastfeeding or not, a newborn would essentially be traumatized, uprooted and starting over once a week; they have no time sense yet!



See I don't feel the baby will be "essentially be traumatized." Ever heard of seperation anxity? It's easiest for baby's to get use to more then 1 person taking care of them as soon as posible. The longer you wait to seperate the child from the only parent taking care of them, the harder and more traumatizing it will be for THE CHILD! Have any of you taken psychology? Babies don't remeber SHIT, till age 5 or old. Unless it's a REAL life threating experiance,  feeding from a breast one week and a bottle for an other is not a trauma. You people are taking this shit to the worst, never been documented, cause that could happen. Point being, I said it before they both need to grow up and act like adults, for THE BABYS BEST INTEREST! not what they want. She can pump and it won't harm the baby. Plus this way the baby has a chance to bond with both parents and it will become routine to all even baby.

Cat - posted on 12/22/2009

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I think Dad ought to be able to see the baby every day. It's good for baby. If he's making that kind of money, I assume he works. He could come by mom's place after work every day and give her a break, just like a married dad would. Or she could take baby to his place and go to a movie, shopping, visit friends.... She could even pump once a day if dad wanted to take baby for say 4 hours a day on weekends.



And yes, dads can take care of babies just as well as moms, and for just as long at one time. Mine does, and baby loves it.



And yes, Melanie, if she HAD to, she might be able to work out the breastfeeding the way you suggest, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.



There are a lot of possibilities that don't involve baby being completely deprived of either parent for long periods of time. What matters here (assuming both parents are loving and competent) is stability and routine. With 7 on, 7 off, breastfeeding or not, a newborn would essentially be traumatized, uprooted and starting over once a week; they have no time sense yet!

Melinda (myndi) - posted on 12/22/2009

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also keep in mind that there are dad's out there that are as good of parents if not better that women....my fear is that this is (if not already is) going to turn into the baby being used to get back at each other.....don't do it!!!!!!! unless one or the other is unfit both parents should have access... as for the child being affected?? the child will be more affected by the parents' attitudes toward the situation....not by visiting back and forth children are resilient.....as for a week? I dont believe either parent should go a week w/o seeing thier child

Melinda (myndi) - posted on 12/22/2009

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I do not believe that having money makes you a good parent while I don't know specifics...does he have grounds to show she's unfit? he would be best off to work out resonable visitation...unless there is a reason the baby shouldn't see the father...other than the mom can't stand him... He has tons of money? great help support the baby...

Melinda (myndi) - posted on 12/22/2009

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I do not believe that having money makes you a good parent while I don't know specifics...does he have grounds to show she's unfit? he would be best off to work out resonable visitation...unless there is a reason the baby shouldn't see the father...other than the mom can't stand him... He has tons of money? great help support the baby...

Renee - posted on 12/22/2009

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Men can be suck jerks. Obviously, the babys father isn't clearly thinking about the well being of the child. If her were, he would leave the baby in the care of the mother. There is no way in hell a judge would order him full custody, let alone shared parenting. It just won't happen.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Hazel:

Reading this thread has made me feel sick & angry that so many ppl & mums to boot, have more thought & respect for what peoples "rights" are than for this little babies feelings who needs his mummy 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Shame on all who would put anyones feelings before a baby!
My husband loves our little daughter more than life! & wants to be every bit a part of her world but he knows that what she needs from me is evry day every second care while she is so little & what she needs from him is to go out to work, provide all the material things she needs & to support ME.
There are so many ways children need their daddys but new born is not the time. he doesn't need to take their baby away for a week at a time to bond, my husband see's our little girl 2 hours a night & all day at the weekends in the day becuase he is a working man, y does this man need more access than a full time married father gets?? & y isnt he going to work? if he is is he going to give someonelse the baby for the week, that would be MENTAL!
poor wee lamb, imagine the mothers state of mind if her baby was taken away & she had to drop of her breastmilk at her ex's door all week!! umimaginable, a bad state of mind in a mum can cause serious damage to a babies emotional health forever!
The truth hurts, babies need mums more than dads till they are at least weand, he should grow up, be a man get over it & do the right thing!
My thought are with you little one!



This is old school bigget BULLSHIT!



How is mommy paying the bills? Is she working? If so, how is she going to breastfeed from the breast while at work?



I'm trying not to sound insenitive, I know how ahe feels I go through this every year at tax time.



"umimaginable, a bad state of mind in a mum can cause serious damage to a babies emotional health forever!" Thats crap, I wasn't breastfeed, hell I grew up in a hospital! and I I feel I'm emotionally scred from it. I'm more mentally scared from school years.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting molissa:

I guess I should say that I wanted him to be on all the records, but I'm just saying the hospitals don't see it as the man's baby, but the mother's only. That's why when I was first laboring I had to say that that was my husband and the baby's father and he was cleared to get access to my son. So when they did the paperwork, he got a bracelet with my name and my son's. Then he was able to visit the baby in the ward and bring him to me when I wanted to see him after napping. I understand the father just wants to see his baby and that is reasonable. The mother really needs to sit down with the dad and figure out a time to let him do this. He may drop the charges.



The only reason why hospitals do thinks this was anymore is because people have made life so complicated. The mother is the 100% parent at birth, because its hard to say, "The baby inside you isn't yours." Tell we as the mother carried the baby and formed the baby, but remeber who suplied the sprem that created the baby. Thats right not the mother.



I get threatened with cusidy evey year at tax time, to which I reply, "See ya in court." I've only been to court once and that was for my child suport. I can't stand my ex's new girlfriend, but I can't keep him from his son because I don't like her. She's never done anything to hurt my son. Got to get pass your bs to start making the right desitions.

Karen - posted on 12/22/2009

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I was in the exact same situation as your cousin is. I live in Canada, but I dont' imagine the laws are TOO different...anyways, I had many conversations with several different lawyers and in the end, we worked things out without lawyers or court. From what I was told, if she is breastfeeding(as I was), there is NO WAY she will be required to surrender baby for overnight visits until baby is no longer nursing. A court will not order a mom to pump or feed formula over breast milk. The longer baby is in mom's care, the less likely joint custody will be granted, but it can still happen. He wont' get the baby taken away from mom completely, and I know how scared she must feel anyways, because I did too. There is NO WAY. Money doens't matter, unless your cousin is homeless...which she isn't. I hope your cousin can find some peace and resolution with her ex boyfriend on this issue...I know how stressful that can be! Good luck to her.

Karen - posted on 12/22/2009

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I was in the exact same situation as your cousin is. I live in Canada, but I dont' imagine the laws are TOO different...anyways, I had many conversations with several different lawyers and in the end, we worked things out without lawyers or court. From what I was told, if she is breastfeeding(as I was), there is NO WAY she will be required to surrender baby for overnight visits until baby is no longer nursing. A court will not order a mom to pump or feed formula over breast milk. The longer baby is in mom's care, the less likely joint custody will be granted, but it can still happen. He wont' get the baby taken away from mom completely, and I know how scared she must feel anyways, because I did too. There is NO WAY. Money doens't matter, unless your cousin is homeless...which she isn't. I hope your cousin can find some peace and resolution with her ex boyfriend on this issue...I know how stressful that can be! Good luck to her.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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I think most of you need to get your information from some where other then Opera and Dr. Phil. What mommy and Daddy need to do is get a 3rd pprson, someone that can keep then both cool, I do not recomend family. They need to meet in a public plce like Starbucks, and talk this trough. Chances are daddy did fill the paper work. They need to come to an agreement. Now this is very hard to do, mommy and daay need to let go of what ever happened to them, its done, its over, move on. Until they both move on they will not be able to make decisions for the best interest for the child. It can be done, but you have to think of what is BEST for the child and what you WANT!

Mommy needs to explain to daddy she is breastfeeding, but moomy needs to figure ut how daddy can see baby. Now someone sugested 4 hour visits a day with dady. Think about that, are you going to go over to his place for 4 hours, or have him over at yours? Do you even want to be around daddy for that long? Also mommy can't expect daddy to not be involved in his childs life fo 4 years while she breastfeeds. These are things

you have to ask.

You guys have a child together, you will always have to deal with each other, deal with it. Both Mommy and Daddy need to comunicate with each other. Comunication, thats the secert key to everything.

Hazel - posted on 12/22/2009

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Reading this thread has made me feel sick & angry that so many ppl & mums to boot, have more thought & respect for what peoples "rights" are than for this little babies feelings who needs his mummy 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Shame on all who would put anyones feelings before a baby!

My husband loves our little daughter more than life! & wants to be every bit a part of her world but he knows that what she needs from me is evry day every second care while she is so little & what she needs from him is to go out to work, provide all the material things she needs & to support ME.

There are so many ways children need their daddys but new born is not the time. he doesn't need to take their baby away for a week at a time to bond, my husband see's our little girl 2 hours a night & all day at the weekends in the day becuase he is a working man, y does this man need more access than a full time married father gets?? & y isnt he going to work? if he is is he going to give someonelse the baby for the week, that would be MENTAL!

poor wee lamb, imagine the mothers state of mind if her baby was taken away & she had to drop of her breastmilk at her ex's door all week!! umimaginable, a bad state of mind in a mum can cause serious damage to a babies emotional health forever!

The truth hurts, babies need mums more than dads till they are at least weand, he should grow up, be a man get over it & do the right thing!

My thought are with you little one!

Magen - posted on 12/22/2009

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I find it simply amazing how quickly we say he can't have the baby. Men are perfectly capable of caring for children. They do it all the time when mothers die in child birth or simply split. We live in a society that want men and women to be treated equally but when it comes to children we just say they should be with their mothers. Well they need their fathers too and if the mother and father can't work it out neither one "deserves" the child more than the other. Melanie is right if the mother is willing to make it work the child can still be fed breast milk. I went back to work full time and my husband stayed home with our son when he was 6 weeks old. I continued to give him only breast milk until he was 10 months and this was out of a bottle more than it was at the breast because I worked many hours. We can not ask these men to be involved in their childrens lives and then deny them time together. We are all mothers here but please hop off your high horses and realize this is his child too and she can not say just because she is the mother she deserves more time with the child its only half hers. I'm sure this will infuriate a great many of you but I beleive in equality and ALL that comes with it.

Molissa - posted on 12/22/2009

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I guess I should say that I wanted him to be on all the records, but I'm just saying the hospitals don't see it as the man's baby, but the mother's only. That's why when I was first laboring I had to say that that was my husband and the baby's father and he was cleared to get access to my son. So when they did the paperwork, he got a bracelet with my name and my son's. Then he was able to visit the baby in the ward and bring him to me when I wanted to see him after napping. I understand the father just wants to see his baby and that is reasonable. The mother really needs to sit down with the dad and figure out a time to let him do this. He may drop the charges.

Molissa - posted on 12/22/2009

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The mother has all the rights. When the mother is unwed, she wins everytime. At the hospital, it was my name and my son's only on all the information registering him as being born. My husband got the "priveledge" of being on the birth certificate and everything. Even if I was married and didn't want to have the father near, the hospital and the government wouldn't step in. I think there are cases where that can work against fathers who are trying to do the best thing, but apparently he doesn't care about the well being of the baby if he wants to have her for one week at a time. The mother can try to get a free lawyer. It's not fair that people who have money can easily win cases just because they can afford a lawyer that can win. She has to be strong, but seek out every avenue she can. Swallow your pride and ask anyone for help. Call child services and see if they can help her. Just because he has money to raise the baby doesn't make him the best parent.

Shierica - posted on 12/22/2009

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I had to reply to this first off he is got to be the dumbest fucking idiot in the world it is a newborn sound like to me he was scared of paying child support so that is why he is trying to take the child all him having lots of income states is that he can afford to pay childsupport courts favor for the mother in most cases like this anyway he is going to look stupid in front of the judge when he present this stupid shit. what kind of a man tries to take a brest fead baby away from their mother a heartless son of a bitch as long as she has a clean record she should be fine in this situation but she still need to find someone who can help her get a lawyer so she wont be alone in the situation ill be praying for her and you know what else you could do to help print out all the responses you get back from this post and give it to her so that she can show it to the judge when they go to court

Teresa - posted on 12/22/2009

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Ok then... yes i do agree that a newborn needs to be with their mother and being away for a week at a time is too long . however I do think that father is entitled to some time.. that to be decided by previous guidelines and courts.. As for her fear of legal.. then she should not be.. there is a rare court in this land that doesnt believe that the best interest of a child is with the mother.. but however tell her reasonablness should also prevail. he is the father and is entited to acces to his child.. now what form that access takes is another question...

Rebekah - posted on 12/22/2009

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I don't think it will happen. As long as she is not an unfit mother. Another thing is if she breastfeeds the baby there is NO way b/c how could he feed the baby for an entire week? I've NEVER heard of a custody case where it's 50/50 even with older children. It's usually every other weekend. The court makes it;s decision based on what is best for the child and what is best for a child is NOT being shuffled here for ONE week and ther ONE week. In my opinion this is very cut and dry.

Adeline - posted on 12/22/2009

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i went thought the same thing but my daughter was 6mths old, no judge in the world would let a baby that age away from the mother, for a wk on and wk off. it would be 1 day a couple of hrs. every wk no more. intill the child was a yr old.

User - posted on 12/22/2009

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Im not sure of Texas Law but what I forsee is that she may not have to give up the child for an over night visit for several nights but that they may reccomend frequent maybe even daily visitation for short periods of time with the baby so the father has the chance to bond as well. After a couple months, if there is no reason to suspect that the father is a bad man and will cause harm to the child. the court will most likely award overnight visits in a one night duration. The excuse of breast feeding will only post pone that for so long. They'll expect her to pump and provide the milk to the father for feedings. By the time the child is two the overnights will be of a much longer duration. I know it sucks. Ive been going through court procedures for two years now, my daughters three. EVeryone just needs to remember that its not what the mother wants or what the father wants, its about what is best for the child. And as long as the father acts as a DADDY, theres no reason not to give this new born the opportunity for a loving relationship with him.

Tara - posted on 12/22/2009

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I just went through this in the summer with my two month old...I was not breastfeeding, so a little different situation, but any literature taht I read stated that young children benefitted from short, more frequent visits with the non-present parent. If your cousin is willing(and this is what I had to do for awhile) she could allow the father to visit in between feeds, even if it's only for an hour. That allows the baby to become comfortable and still be able to breast feed. Tell her to fight for what she believes is best for her child. It's not easy but it's worth it. I'm in Canada and our court system has a family law information centre that has all of the brochures and people you can talk to about how to best go about the court process. she may want to look into something like that where she lives. i found it really helpful. Good luck and stay strong and fight for your child's best interests

Bonnie - posted on 12/22/2009

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call a lawyer cant see any court of law taking the baby from her, in some states the court will appoint a child advocate lawer for the child.

Wendy - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Patty:

Nancy, You say "most mothers". You must know different mothers than I do. I don't know any new mother that would want her new born to be away from her for any time at all. Also, if this father really cared about the well being of his child, he would never start a custody battle right when a baby is brought into the world. This time is one of the hardest transitions a new mother can go through and putting her under this kind of stress right when the baby is born is down right cruel. He sounds like a very selfish person who wants whats best for him...not the baby. And where in the world did you get your information that it is shown that shared custody, one week on/one week off...was in the best interst of the child. I would sure like to know where you are getting your statistics.


my brother, after haveing paternaty tests done to make sure the new baby was his (3 kids w/ 3 different fathers! all under the age of 5), went to court right away to get partial custody of his daughter. She's now 7 months old and he still wants more time with her (he gets her 2 days a week but it usually ends up as 3 nights & 2 days). The mom works full time and has a new boyfriend as often as the new week. My brother doesn't want to have her declared un-fit due to worries about the other 2. The middle kid's dad doesn't have anything to do w/ his kid. We're afraid that the courts would put this young child in foster care, which my brother doesn't want for any kid to go through. I'll be praying for your family. how does this dad act towards the baby?  Is it really love or is he just trying to be controling and "taking" things (the baby) away from her just for spite? I'm all for the mom but sometimes the dads are head over heels in love with the baby too.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Here's a thought. Lets looka t this for an other point of veiw. Now, I'm just assuming here, but lets be daddy. Your ex just gives birth to your child. You want to send time with your child, so you suggest a cusitdy to the mother. He probably knew mommy was breastfeeding, but might also know milk can be pumped. Mommy says no to his request for cusitdy. Now daddy is feeling threatened, "Bi*ch won't let me see my child..."
Did anyone think of that?

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Jodi:

Melanie, have you ever tried to establish a good breastfeeding pattern with pumping being the primary way in which you can provide milk to your child? It is really, really difficult to establish good supply, and is often the cause for many well intentioned young women who would like to breastfeed to just pack it in. No one is in any way suggesting that this father be denied his rights, but there are people here suggesting 7 days away from the mother. I personally believe that a new breastfeeding mother needs some time to establish the breastfeeding patterns and the milk supply, and this can often take a few months. Any father threatening to take a child for a week at a time at this stage of life is NOT thinking of the baby's best interests at all, the same as any mother denying the father ANY access to the baby is not thinking of the baby's best interests. The baby's best interests is to establish a bond with both parents, but also be able to breastfeed. The baby can develop a bond with its father without having to go 50/50 custody AT THIS STAGE.



I did do it, did you know it's the sound of ANY baby's cry, not just yours, that can stimulate your breast to let down its milk? I played tapes to stimulate my milk and I pumped. I had NO problem making milk, my breast let down all the time, we had to throw away a lot of bottled milk. All I'm saying is, you can make things work, but it takes 2. I read threw the postings and everyone is ready to burn this guy at the stake, but we haven't been fed much about what the mother is suggesting, just, I want the daddy in the babys lfe., but I still have yet to see her suggestion of cusidy. The other thing, babys are not as delicate as you all are making them out to be. The baby will not be scared for life because they had to drink breast milk from a bottle and not the mother for 1 week at a time. If that were true we'd all be f*c*ed up to hell.

Nikki - posted on 12/22/2009

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the mother has 87.4% of the court in her favour. ive just been through a court battle and she has nothing to worry about. they court wont give him more then a day a week and not even overnights until the child is older. she needs to get a protection order out with the babies name on it so he cant take the child and needs to file for court. if she pleads her case to the courts she'll be fine.

he just sounds like an arsehole. and i wish her all the best

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Jodi:

Melanie, have you ever tried to establish a good breastfeeding pattern with pumping being the primary way in which you can provide milk to your child? It is really, really difficult to establish good supply, and is often the cause for many well intentioned young women who would like to breastfeed to just pack it in. No one is in any way suggesting that this father be denied his rights, but there are people here suggesting 7 days away from the mother. I personally believe that a new breastfeeding mother needs some time to establish the breastfeeding patterns and the milk supply, and this can often take a few months. Any father threatening to take a child for a week at a time at this stage of life is NOT thinking of the baby's best interests at all, the same as any mother denying the father ANY access to the baby is not thinking of the baby's best interests. The baby's best interests is to establish a bond with both parents, but also be able to breastfeed. The baby can develop a bond with its father without having to go 50/50 custody AT THIS STAGE.



I did do it, did you know it's the sound of ANY baby's cry, not just yours, that can stimulate your breast to let down its milk? I played tapes to stimulate my milk and I pumped. I had NO problem making milk, my breast let down all the time, we had to throw away a lot of bottled milk. All I'm saying is, you can make things work, but it takes 2. I read threw the postings and everyone is ready to burn this guy at the stake, but we haven't been fed much about what the mother is suggesting, just, I want the daddy in the babys lfe., but I still have yet to see her suggestion of cusidy. The other thing, babys are not as delicate as you all are making them out to be. The baby will not be scared for life because they had to drink breast milk from a bottle and not the mother for 1 week at a time. If that were true we'd all be f*c*ed up to hell.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Jodi:

Melanie, have you ever tried to establish a good breastfeeding pattern with pumping being the primary way in which you can provide milk to your child? It is really, really difficult to establish good supply, and is often the cause for many well intentioned young women who would like to breastfeed to just pack it in. No one is in any way suggesting that this father be denied his rights, but there are people here suggesting 7 days away from the mother. I personally believe that a new breastfeeding mother needs some time to establish the breastfeeding patterns and the milk supply, and this can often take a few months. Any father threatening to take a child for a week at a time at this stage of life is NOT thinking of the baby's best interests at all, the same as any mother denying the father ANY access to the baby is not thinking of the baby's best interests. The baby's best interests is to establish a bond with both parents, but also be able to breastfeed. The baby can develop a bond with its father without having to go 50/50 custody AT THIS STAGE.



I did do it, did you know it's the sound of ANY baby's cry, not just yours, that can stimulate your breast to let down its milk? I played tapes to stimulate my milk and I pumped. I had NO problem making milk, my breast let down all the time, we had to throw away a lot of bottled milk. All I'm saying is, you can make things work, but it takes 2. I read threw the postings and everyone is ready to burn this guy at the stake, but we haven't been fed much about what the mother is suggesting, just, I want the daddy in the babys lfe., but I still have yet to see her suggestion of cusidy. The other thing, babys are not as delicate as you all are making them out to be. The baby will not be scared for life because they had to drink breast milk from a bottle and not the mother for 1 week at a time. If that were true we'd all be f*c*ed up to hell.

Melanie - posted on 12/22/2009

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Quoting Tara:



Quoting Melanie:




Quoting Tara:





Quoting Ada:






Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...











I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.















Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.













I guess we shouldn't be reminded that the mother only got threaten because she doesn't to want the father to be in his childs life. Why should the father be denied the right to bond with his child after birth? So who's the one really threating who? I know people can come to agrements on their own but that takes at lest one adult, and this is all starting to sound like high school drama bs. I can't wait till your child starts school, with you never leaving them with anyone but you. Breast MILK s the bennefit, not the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a way for women to make the evcuse that they are bonding with their child when all they really are doing in getting really strong nipple stimulation. Milk an be given in bottles. GROW UP PEOPLE!









I guess you didn't read the quote that said she did want him in her baby's life and that he was present at the baby's birth, that doesn't sound to me like she's denying him the right to bond with his child.  And you make breastfeeding sound like a selfish act when it's the best thing for a baby, the milk and bonding included.  Milk can be given in bottles but pumping can be extremely difficult for some women and the equipment is expensive.  And perhaps you didn't read the part in my message where I said that my daughter was 9 months old, a baby still.  That's an awful long ways away from being in school.






Avent breastpump from Swenden or England, it was $40. at Baby's r us. It was easy to put together, use, take apart and clean. Maybe if you women skip getting your nails done for a week you could afford a good breast pump.



http://www.breastpumpsdirect.com/Avent_I...



 I did see where she said she wants the father in the life, but not how he asked, but I haven't seen where she said she would agree to te father in the childs life. Breast milk in it's self is the benifit, not the act it's self. The baby bonds with the nipple on the mother cuz thats the only food the breastfeed baby gets and  from one person, makes the baby dependent on only the mother. She is dening the father the right to his child. I also did read about your baby being only 9 months, but you don't seem to realize the dependance issues and truma you will cuz your child later on in life. I'm not sorry If offened you or anyone else, but women are very selfess, selfcentered beings, we don't even understand how we think.

Jodi - posted on 12/22/2009

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Melanie, have you ever tried to establish a good breastfeeding pattern with pumping being the primary way in which you can provide milk to your child? It is really, really difficult to establish good supply, and is often the cause for many well intentioned young women who would like to breastfeed to just pack it in. No one is in any way suggesting that this father be denied his rights, but there are people here suggesting 7 days away from the mother. I personally believe that a new breastfeeding mother needs some time to establish the breastfeeding patterns and the milk supply, and this can often take a few months. Any father threatening to take a child for a week at a time at this stage of life is NOT thinking of the baby's best interests at all, the same as any mother denying the father ANY access to the baby is not thinking of the baby's best interests. The baby's best interests is to establish a bond with both parents, but also be able to breastfeed. The baby can develop a bond with its father without having to go 50/50 custody AT THIS STAGE.

Melanie - posted on 12/21/2009

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Quoting Tara:



Quoting Melanie:




Quoting Tara:





Quoting Ada:






Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...











I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.















Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.













I guess we shouldn't be reminded that the mother only got threaten because she doesn't to want the father to be in his childs life. Why should the father be denied the right to bond with his child after birth? So who's the one really threating who? I know people can come to agrements on their own but that takes at lest one adult, and this is all starting to sound like high school drama bs. I can't wait till your child starts school, with you never leaving them with anyone but you. Breast MILK s the bennefit, not the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a way for women to make the evcuse that they are bonding with their child when all they really are doing in getting really strong nipple stimulation. Milk an be given in bottles. GROW UP PEOPLE!









I guess you didn't read the quote that said she did want him in her baby's life and that he was present at the baby's birth, that doesn't sound to me like she's denying him the right to bond with his child.  And you make breastfeeding sound like a selfish act when it's the best thing for a baby, the milk and bonding included.  Milk can be given in bottles but pumping can be extremely difficult for some women and the equipment is expensive.  And perhaps you didn't read the part in my message where I said that my daughter was 9 months old, a baby still.  That's an awful long ways away from being in school.






Avent breastpump from Swenden or England, it was $40. at Baby's r us. It was easy to put together, use, take apart and clean. Maybe if you women skip getting your nails done for a week you could afford a good breast pump.



http://www.breastpumpsdirect.com/Avent_I...



 I did see where she said she wants the father in the life, but not how he asked, but I haven't seen where she said she would agree to te father in the childs life. Breast milk in it's self is the benifit, not the act it's self. The baby bonds with the nipple on the mother cuz thats the only food the breastfeed baby gets and  from one person, makes the baby dependent on only the mother. She is dening the father the right to his child. I also did read about your baby being only 9 months, but you don't seem to realize the dependance issues and truma you will cuz your child later on in life. I'm not sorry If offened you or anyone else, but women are very selfess, selfcentered beings, we don't even understand how we think.

Tara - posted on 12/21/2009

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Quoting Melanie:



Quoting Tara:




Quoting Ada:





Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...









I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.












Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.










I guess we shouldn't be reminded that the mother only got threaten because she doesn't to want the father to be in his childs life. Why should the father be denied the right to bond with his child after birth? So who's the one really threating who? I know people can come to agrements on their own but that takes at lest one adult, and this is all starting to sound like high school drama bs. I can't wait till your child starts school, with you never leaving them with anyone but you. Breast MILK s the bennefit, not the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a way for women to make the evcuse that they are bonding with their child when all they really are doing in getting really strong nipple stimulation. Milk an be given in bottles. GROW UP PEOPLE!





I guess you didn't read the quote that said she did want him in her baby's life and that he was present at the baby's birth, that doesn't sound to me like she's denying him the right to bond with his child.  And you make breastfeeding sound like a selfish act when it's the best thing for a baby, the milk and bonding included.  Milk can be given in bottles but pumping can be extremely difficult for some women and the equipment is expensive.  And perhaps you didn't read the part in my message where I said that my daughter was 9 months old, a baby still.  That's an awful long ways away from being in school.

Melanie - posted on 12/21/2009

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32

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Quoting Tara:



Quoting Ada:




Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...







I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.









Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.






I guess we shouldn't be reminded that the mother only got threaten because she doesn't to want the father to be in his childs life. Why should the father be denied the right to bond with his child after birth? So who's the one really threating who? I know people can come to agrements on their own but that takes at lest one adult, and this is all starting to sound like high school drama bs. I can't wait till your child starts school, with you never leaving them with anyone but you. Breast MILK s the bennefit, not the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a way for women to make the evcuse that they are bonding with their child when all they really are doing in getting really strong nipple stimulation. Milk an be given in bottles. GROW UP PEOPLE!

Tara - posted on 12/21/2009

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Quoting Melanie:



Quoting Tara:




Quoting Ada:





Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...









I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.












Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.










I guess we shouldn't be reminded that the mother only got threaten because she doesn't to want the father to be in his childs life. Why should the father be denied the right to bond with his child after birth? So who's the one really threating who? I know people can come to agrements on their own but that takes at lest one adult, and this is all starting to sound like high school drama bs. I can't wait till your child starts school, with you never leaving them with anyone but you. Breast MILK s the bennefit, not the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a way for women to make the evcuse that they are bonding with their child when all they really are doing in getting really strong nipple stimulation. Milk an be given in bottles. GROW UP PEOPLE!





I guess you didn't read the quote that said she did want him in her baby's life and that he was present at the baby's birth, that doesn't sound to me like she's denying him the right to bond with his child.  And you make breastfeeding sound like a selfish act when it's the best thing for a baby, the milk and bonding included.  Milk can be given in bottles but pumping can be extremely difficult for some women and the equipment is expensive.  And perhaps you didn't read the part in my message where I said that my daughter was 9 months old, a baby still.  That's an awful long ways away from being in school.

Melanie - posted on 12/21/2009

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Quoting Tara:



Quoting Ada:




Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...







I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.









Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.






I guess we shouldn't be reminded that the mother only got threaten because she doesn't to want the father to be in his childs life. Why should the father be denied the right to bond with his child after birth? So who's the one really threating who? I know people can come to agrements on their own but that takes at lest one adult, and this is all starting to sound like high school drama bs. I can't wait till your child starts school, with you never leaving them with anyone but you. Breast MILK s the bennefit, not the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a way for women to make the evcuse that they are bonding with their child when all they really are doing in getting really strong nipple stimulation. Milk an be given in bottles. GROW UP PEOPLE!

Tara - posted on 12/21/2009

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14

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Quoting Ada:



Quoting Melanie:

You guys need to get off the pro woman trip. When I was prego, my sons father didn't want the baby. He went as far as to tell me, when I was 6 months prego, "I'll pay for the abortion and give you a $50 tip." Think of how much that hurt me, but then our son was born, 1 of the scariest moments of my life, and his dad was right by my side. For the 1st 3 days after my son was born, I'd had a c-section, when ever I called the nusery for them to bring me my son, the nurse came in a gave me drugs and I was knocked out for an other 6 hours. I told them at addmition, I wanted to breastfeed my child, and for the 1st 3 days after birth the hospital, dismissed my wish to breastfeed and gave him formula. I worked with my son and got him to take the npple and a bottle. Then the 1st night at home with outrnew buddle of joy, I was having seizers and anxiety attacks, so I couldn't take care of our son, or breastfeed him for that matter, so his dad stepped up to the plate. Getting up every 2 hours with our son. We are now seperated, but we have worked things out so that we are both in our sons life. Men CAN take care of babies too, it's not just a bitching right for women anymore. You all need to stop thinking about your bad experiances also, this isn't about you or your sh*t. I think your cous needs to sit down with the father and a Mediation and reach an agreement. Courts just cause problems that werent really there in the first place. If anyone has a problem with wat I've said, just scroll up and read this stuff, it's mostly, he's and ass, hes not getting custody, and more stuff like that, and over what? cuz he wants 50/50 of his child?! What an ass...





I toltally agree with you Melanie,  the father is just as much a parent as the mother and should have just as much right.  Good on him for doing the right thing by his child.





Good for him for doing the right thing by his child??  His newborn baby is a week old.  He is threatening his child's mother.  That is NOT the right thing by his child.  Not only must this woman be sore and exhausted after giving birth and looking after a newborn, but she must be scared and stressed as well.  Babies can sense that.  That's a great start he's giving his child.  Of course fathers can be just as much a parent as a mother, but a father who is going to contribute to his son's life by threatening the mother is not a parent who deserves custody.  THIS IS A NEWBORN BABY!  My baby is 9 months old and I haven't left her for more than 4 hours at a time, and I couldn't even imagine leaving her with her father overnight until she is old enough (she is breastfed and her father and I aren't together, and he completely understands that she won't be able to stay overnight at his house until she is older and not breastfeeding anymore.  He is happy that she is getting the best food for her and he still sees her almost every day.  His being flexible has made me want to be flexible also).  Danielle, I hope things work out for your cousin, I don't have much advice other than to document anything and everything.  If this person is a good guy, and will be a good influence in his son's life, then there is nothing wrong with him spending time with him and being a parent to him 50% of the time, but that time is not when his son is a new baby.

Crystal - posted on 12/21/2009

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I would imagine the mothers that are saying that they would have no issue in giving their new borns up for a week at a time have never been in the situation. It's not right, he definitely deserves access to the baby, but not for such a long period, not at the very beginning.. and I imagine that fact that he is threatening to take the baby away either means he is being vindictive or he may actually feel that he has just cause for concern. We only have one side of the story.



If he wants to be that involved in the newborns life in the beginning he needs to (they both need to) put down their guns and have a truce. After all aren't they both supposed to do what is best for the baby? That means newborn living with mum having access to father..



At some point they can look at 50/50 in the future..

[deleted account]

Actually in Canada the first one to court can go for interm custody if it is the father then the father has equal rights to the child after all he is 50% of the child. Interm custody is the paper that says which parent will physically have the child until it goes to court for the actual custody. My ex did that and I couldn’t after 3 yrs in court get my daughter back. They said that at that point it would be too disruptive for her to be taken from him and handed back to me. Not because I was a bad parent, they said quite the opposite, but simply because she had lived with him for the 3 yrs with him having that paper. My suggestion is for her to go to the courts and get interm custody before the father does. I am not sure how the courts work there but I am sure that there is someone that would help walk her threw the process.

Father are good parents too and they are 50% of the child. As a mom with full custody of two out of 3 children. I would encourage her to give him reasonable access. Although it is really hard to watch the baby leaving, it really is better for children to have BOTH parents as active members in their life. If they could sit down and discuss some sort of access that they could both agree on that would be perfect. They are going to have to communicate for the next 18 yrs at least, Start with this!!

Medic - posted on 12/21/2009

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is she in texas????? if so let me know....i did my own divorce and custody in texas and i have alot of resourses i saved.....texas is great because they dont make you send babies under 2 over night.....they just get day visits.....send me a message if you want the info

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