dad not bonding with baby

Kayla - posted on 01/29/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello everyone,I am new to this site.I have no one to talk to about this because no one can relate,so I turn to you guys!!

So I have a beautiful 6 moth old daughter.She was NOT planned at all.Her father and I were co workers and while on a trip and many drinks after we hooked up.I didnt think anything of it.I had no feelings for him and we never were together. After the hookup, we didnt talk to each other for a whole year(when I told him I was pregnant). I found out I was pregnant around 4 or 5 months.I was so confused. I was only 19 and didnt want a baby.I wanted to get an abortion but I was too far along.So when I decided to keep her.I hid the whole thing from my family until i was 7 months.Then I reconnected with my childs father via facebook and told him I was pregnant but I didnt tell him he was the father.I didnt want the stress of having him deny my baby and all the arguing so i decided not to tell him.I thought about inviting him to the birth but I just didnt know what to say.How could I just pop up a year later and tell him to come see me give birth to a baby he didnt know about?So after I had her,I went and got a dna done through child support and thats how he found out.

Since then,he's been around but not as much as I would like.He comes over maybe 1 or 2 a month and stays a couple hours.He also calls every other day and checks up on her.He doesnt even have a bond with my daughter.He refuses to keep her overnight and on weekends because he says he doesnt know how to take care of her.I want my daughter to have a great relationship with him and to be a "daddy's girl". Hes a good guy,he's just not around as much.Its hurt being a young mother,in college, and working.I try to be strong but its very hard.

ANd not to mention that he and I had sex a couple times and now im falling for him.Its very complicated because I want a family but I know that will never happen with him.He also has a court order for child support but it hasnt started,and he wantd me to take him off.He hasnt done anything for her since he found out about her but he did buy a couple outfits for xmas.

sorry for the long story


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/29/2014




Ok, to correct a couple things: "he hasn't done anything for her since he found out...but he bought her a couple of things for christmas"...That is doing something. So is calling you every day or every other to check on her. So is coming to visit her.

You cannot expect the guy to jump up and down for joy when you didn't even tell him he was going to be a father when you were pregnant, and you didn't give him the courtesy of telling him in person after the baby was born, but letting him find out via a DNA test from child support...

If you want him to be involved, TELL HIM!!! As it sounds now, you haven't told him that you want him to be involved, but you expect him to just decipher that. I'm not actually surprised that he's not acting like he wants to pay support, because you sound like you aren't telling him that you want him to be involved. Most dads like to be involved with the kids they are supporting.

So, sit down with him, apologize for perhaps not handling things well to begin with, let him know you want him to be involved, and see where things go from there.

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